zembla3
03-07-2006, 08:45 AM
Hi everyone. Sorry in advance for the long post. I'm feeling tremendous anxiety right now and just need to hear some encouraging words. To give you some background, I've had anxiety since around the age of 12 but it only starting becoming unbearable during my first year of college. I was having trouble adjusting socially and was becoming very worried. One day after Christmas, I started to feel sick to my stomach. I became convinced that I had stomach cancer or something of the sort. I had a panic attack, during which time I thought I would die at any second, and for the next two weeks, I could barely hold any food down. I had chills and pins and needles running up and down my arms. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. I made my parents take my to the emergency room twice. The doctors said it was just anxiety and prescribed Zoloft.
Then it came time to go back to school. I still thought I had terminal cancer, but I realized I needed to at least try to think positively and make my mental anguish go away. As I tried to think positively, I noticed I could eat a little bit and my chills went away. I finally realized that it *was* only anxiety. This was a tremendous relief. For two weeks, I felt fine. But then I started thinking, what if I have those anxious thoughts again and I can't control them? What if I get sick to my stomach again and can't eat properly? And of course, all my symptoms returned with a vengeance. It was a struggle to eat anything. I stuck to bland foods and managed to get by, but I was terrified I would die of malnutrition.
After I few months, I realized I wasn't going to starve myself and eating became easier. But I have struggled on and off with this problem for the past few years. A couple of weeks ago, I started to become very anxious about something non-food-related (I read an article about a man who killed himself and I worried that I had incurable depression) and my physical symptoms (loss of appetite, dry mouth, nausea) came back. For a while I was more concerned about the possibility of being incurably mentally ill than I was about my eating problems. But now I've become completely obsessed with my food issues. I have tremendous anticipatory anxiety before a meal, wondering, "will I be able to eat it? Will I throw up? Will I die of malnutrition?" I've been restricting myself to bland foods and eating less than I normally do (though I do try to have a "normal" lunch and dinner). I only feel relief after dinner, when I don't have to worry about food anymore. I've been having diarrhea twice a day and I'm scared that I'll develop dehydration or on electrolyte imbalance. Sometimes just the thought of eating makes me sick to my stomach ... the other night I went out to dinner w/ my dad and I could barely eat my Chinese food. I almost threw up. I'm so frightened because I'm naturally underweight to begin with. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I'm wasting away. Last night I spent several hours visiting Web sites about anorexia, frightening myself and wondering if I would end up dead or in the hospital with a feeding tube. I'm *not* trying to lose weight -- I hate being skinny and I just want to eat normally and feel well again. But I'm terrified that I won't be able to control my anxiety. Has anyone else ever felt this way, or am I the only one? I am taking Effexor XR - it was 56 mg, but two and a half weeks ago my doc increased it to 75 because of my anxiety.
Then it came time to go back to school. I still thought I had terminal cancer, but I realized I needed to at least try to think positively and make my mental anguish go away. As I tried to think positively, I noticed I could eat a little bit and my chills went away. I finally realized that it *was* only anxiety. This was a tremendous relief. For two weeks, I felt fine. But then I started thinking, what if I have those anxious thoughts again and I can't control them? What if I get sick to my stomach again and can't eat properly? And of course, all my symptoms returned with a vengeance. It was a struggle to eat anything. I stuck to bland foods and managed to get by, but I was terrified I would die of malnutrition.
After I few months, I realized I wasn't going to starve myself and eating became easier. But I have struggled on and off with this problem for the past few years. A couple of weeks ago, I started to become very anxious about something non-food-related (I read an article about a man who killed himself and I worried that I had incurable depression) and my physical symptoms (loss of appetite, dry mouth, nausea) came back. For a while I was more concerned about the possibility of being incurably mentally ill than I was about my eating problems. But now I've become completely obsessed with my food issues. I have tremendous anticipatory anxiety before a meal, wondering, "will I be able to eat it? Will I throw up? Will I die of malnutrition?" I've been restricting myself to bland foods and eating less than I normally do (though I do try to have a "normal" lunch and dinner). I only feel relief after dinner, when I don't have to worry about food anymore. I've been having diarrhea twice a day and I'm scared that I'll develop dehydration or on electrolyte imbalance. Sometimes just the thought of eating makes me sick to my stomach ... the other night I went out to dinner w/ my dad and I could barely eat my Chinese food. I almost threw up. I'm so frightened because I'm naturally underweight to begin with. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I'm wasting away. Last night I spent several hours visiting Web sites about anorexia, frightening myself and wondering if I would end up dead or in the hospital with a feeding tube. I'm *not* trying to lose weight -- I hate being skinny and I just want to eat normally and feel well again. But I'm terrified that I won't be able to control my anxiety. Has anyone else ever felt this way, or am I the only one? I am taking Effexor XR - it was 56 mg, but two and a half weeks ago my doc increased it to 75 because of my anxiety.