Really need to talk to someone - Please read

[ChrisMayo]

Hello everyone.

I've only posted a few times on here, and had a lot of time off because I was feeling better, but hit a bad patch again, and would love to talk to someone, or get some words of encouragement.

Some of you may have replied to my stuff before, so, sorry if i'm repeating myself. Just feels good to let it out every now and then.

Basically my current concern is Leukaemia. I've convinced myself I have it.

The main reason is that I've had some blood spots (not tiny ones, more like small red blobs) come up under the skin on both feet. I immediately googled, and panicked that bleeding under the skin was linked to Leukaemia.

I phoned up NHS Direct, and they asked me loads of stuff, and said, that it was very unlikely, and that I would have a lot worse symptoms, and that bruising/bleeding, tends to happen all over the body, not just in one place, so it was unlikely a blood disorder/cancer.

I also saw a nurse at the walk in centre today, and she looked at it, and said it was some sort of rash, and it should go in a week or two. I mentioned Leukaemia and she looked really shocked, and said it definitely wasn't that, and not to worry, and if it wasn't gone in two weeks, to see my GP. (I didn't tell her I have an appointment tomorrow!)

Even though two people have said it's unlikely, my mind is telling me I definitely have it.

I have very thin skin, and I am a naturally thin person, so marks and spots tend to linger on my body and crop up all the time. I don't really, if ever get bruising though. Just lots of bites and spots, and sometimes cuts.

My continuous symptoms (that have bothered me for ages are):
Visual snow
Aches and pains
Tiredness (just annoying, not so bad It stops me from doing anything)
Muscle pains (particularly in my neck and legs)
Occasional chest pains
Occasional lightheadedness

When these things first showed up (two or three years ago) I had a full blood work up, and had other basic tests, etc, and was diagnosed with anxiety, and put on meds.

I then got better for a bit, (light headedness stopped, stopped getting aches, chest pains and tiredness improved a bit).

Then I came off tablets and it all got really bad again, saw different doctors, who ran the same tests (plus additional ones for HIV, Lupus and Auto-Immune diseases, liver, kidneys, urine, etc) which were all normal.

I was then back on tablets, which again made me feel a little better mentally, but was still concerned.

Then had a skin cancer scare, and other worries, which turned out fine.

Had CBT, which helped, and I felt more positive about things.

Now, I have stopped CBT and tablets, and now this rash has come up, I'm just totally spiraling back into panic.

In my mind I know things like aches, pains, dizziness, tiredness, have all been tested for, two or three times, and have been attributed to my anxiety (and went up and down, not got worse over time) but now this rash, has made me put all these things together, and convinced me I have Leukaemia.

Have already had 3 nurses say it is very unlikely, but I am in such a state.

I am going to the doctor tomorrow, and will ask for blood tests anyway, but I just want to talk to some people about it tonight, and see if anyone has had similar experiences.

Sorry for the long long message. Just needed to rant.

Thank you in advance for reading, and any replies would be great.

Chris xx

[louisrapisarda]

Many people who suffer from anxiety go through this period, many of people i know believe they have somthing life threatining when they get sick, if you are still not sure go to the GP. Ull be right

[anxious34]

It sounds to me like all this is Anxiety,You will be fine.

[ChrisMayo]

Hey.
Thanks both for replying. Was in such a state last night.

Went to the doctor today, who said the rash didn't seem like anything. Though I insisted on new blood tests, so he said he would send me for some, and we could check those out.

I then went to A&E (Emergency) after having my blood tests, saying I was worried about the rash and dots, and leg pains.

He asked what I was worried about and I said Leukaemia, he looked and said this rash was very common, and that I didn't have Leukaemia, but he would check me over, get a chest x-ray, and heart monitor as well as assessing my other symptoms.

He said I can forget about Leukaemia, and that my blood test results next week will most likely be normal.

I'm a little bit calmer about it now, but, still panicking as I hate waiting for results.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

Chris xx

[RammerJammer21]

What "tablets" were you taking and why did you stop?

[ChrisMayo]

I was taking Seroxat, and I came off them as I was starting to feel better, and was having counselling which helped.

I found like another small cut on my leg today, under the skin, and totally freaked out and started crying.

I'm 100% convinced I have Leukemia and can't get it out of my head, despite three people having told me not to worry about it.

I'm awaiting my test results and so scared.

Has anyone been in this position before? So convinced they have something?

I'm dreading it so much

Chris x

[ChrisMayo]

anyone around to talk/leave comments?

Terrified i'm dying

[socal21]

I have a similar problem. I constantly think there is something wrong with my body even though the docs say everything is normal. Every little pain or symptom makes me think there is something wrong, so I start to panic. Then when I talk about it I usually feel better.

Sometimes I just write in a diary and let all the thoughts running through my head get out of there. When I focus my mind on something else like that, the symptoms go away and I feel normal. Then I start worrying again and I feel sick.