how to shake it off?

[myself23]

First of all, hello everybody. I've just registered here because I feel I need to talk to someone. I think I may have anxiety. But the problem is, I think I have all the knowledge why I'm feeling this, I just can't seem to shake it off.

It all started few months ago, when I was feeling messed up because of the problems at college, stress, my thinning hair, and especially because of a girl I was (and still am) in love with, who was my best friend at the time (and I didn't have the guts to tell her). I was also feeling very lonely, bored and hmm let's say unproductive all the time. Then I started to feel anxious and nervous all the time, intrusive thoughts kicked in and I thought I was going crazy. It followed me during the summer, then I realized that those thoughts I was having (usual stuff- hurting someone, doing something stupid etc) are nothing to be afraid of and after some time, they were gone (just a note, I think I had anxiety 5 or 6 years ago,and after it was gone, the things I feared made me laugh). The problem is, after I managed overcome those thoughts, I couldn't stop monitoring how I feel all the time, am I feeling better or worse, is this thought senseless or not etc. I think I was just pitying myself and torturing myself because of the fact that I didn't have the courage to tell that girl that I'm in love with her. During the summer I had a job, went out with friends, had a good time, those thoughts/fears didn't interfere with anything in my life except with my inner self. In august I, just went to see that girl (she lives in another town where I study) and decided to tell her about my feelings. I thought that, when I tell her that, I will respect myself more, and all the bad feelings will be gone. I did that, she was surprised, then we laughed, she took the time to think about it. Then after a while I kissed her, then the things got complicated (she just couldn't see me as her boyfriend, just like a dear friend). Complications went on, but thats another story.. Maybe I was so obsessed about her, because I thought if she fell in love with me, she will save me or something, and I will forget about all these little fears and doubts I'm having. Anyway, the fact is that I was nervous and had negative thoughts even AFTER i told her that, the relief was minimal because I got so used to negative thinking pattern. Even if everything went perfectly well in my life, I would simply create some stupid or irrational problem in my head because of that habit.

The truth is that deep inside I know that there's nothing wrong with me. The funniest thing is that I'm functioning great everywhere I go, I go to college, I have many friends, I laugh a lot, I sing a lot, I'm playing my guitar, I go out every day and night, I'm even going to the beach volleybal tomorrow and I know I'll have a great time. I don't have panic attacks (I had a 1 or 2 in a lifetime), I don't have short breath, my body is calm, It's just my mind that is polluted with overthinking. Maybe the only bad thing about my anxiety is that I'm just slightly more thoughtful sometimes(but the truth is,I was always a thinking type).


I just want some advice of you guys, because I really feel I'm at the end of all this nonsense. When I wake up in the morning, I feel completely like my old self, then after a while I can even clearly SEE the negative thoughts coming in. I guess that is a good thing, because I know what they are, bad/negative thoughts, a bad habit, nothing more. But sometimes they still manage to influence my emotions. And I just want to stop thinking about how I feel, I just want to live and be mentally strong as I was.

p.s. that girl I've mentioned doesn't make it any better. I'm afraid she will find me annoying, stop seeing me, I'm jealous, I'm afraid she will find a boyfriend and stop loving me even as a friend... I feel like shit because she doesn't want me to as her boyfriend, sometimes I even hate myself for that, and I don't want to feel better because I don't 'deserve' it. Now I don't even know is it love or obsession that I feel towards her (I keep lurking at her facebook profile), I just want to be around her all the time, because we haven't seen eachother for 7 days. Maybe she's giving me time to cool out because she knows me too well, and she knows how I feel about her. basically, she's driving me crazy.. but I guess it's love;)

[Just Joe]

A classic story of just plain overthinking. Your story reminds me of myself. Since I was a child I have been that way. Had to think of every possible outcome, good, bad, ugly and indifferent. Its good that you are recognizing it now before any real physical symptoms kick in. You are aware of your thoughts and maybe this will be a way to stop it from prgressing any further. Because sometimes these thoughts (like in my case) will eventually turn into a HOST of physical symptoms. Its also good that you still lead the active lifestyle and KNOW in your heart that you are ok. I just joined this forum myself after battling Panic Disorder for the past 15 years hoping to find some new insight and also another support group outside of my family and friends (who are very supportive but have not been thru the disorder). Its always good to seek out people who deal with the same thoughts and feelings.

Not to get too deep but I think we all get a little more worry-some as we get older. I think we realize how scary the world can actually be and the amount of stuff we take on in our daily life seems to accumulate at a rapid rate. So fast sometimes that we fail to see how much until it is much to late. Then we become so worry-some that it becomes the "status quo" in our minds and also becomes virtually impossible to just STOP or in your case "shake it off". Make sense? I could babble all day about this but I don't want to bore ya....haha. I hope this helps a little. Even if I havent brought you any new insight it will at least feel good to hear about a similar situation from someone else.

take care