Anxiety issues, bad tempered father, and grieving...?

[Canary]

I am 17. I have had anxiety issues in the past. 1 year ago I experienced panic attacks for about 7 months sporadically... However for the past half a year or so I have been fine.
Last month my boyfriend of two years mother died. She fell asleep at the wheel, crossed the median, and was struck by an oncoming semi. This past month has been so hard for all of us, especially my boyfriend who lost his own mother at such a young age.
I haven't exactly stated it to my parents, but I haven't been driving much since the accident. I'm not really afraid to drive, but it just brings up uncomforable feelings and I start thinking about my bfs mom...
So since I'm not driving I have been taking the bus.
Today I missed the bus. My dad was driving further on and called me to ask if I missed it. When I told him yes he started driving down the road, speeding to pick me up. Then when I got in he started screaming at me. My three younger siblings who are in elementary school were in the car. I saw that he was going 80 mph (we live on a country road with lots of curves... 55 mph is the speed limit) and physically turned around in this seat to scream at me and show me things on his iphone proving how irresponsible I am.
Maybe it was because of my past anxiety issues (which have all been cleared up lately) and because of me being so sad for my bfs mom... I had a panic attack.
This made him even more furious and he screamed at me to stop being a baby, that i was scaring the little kids, that I was overeacting. I choked out that I couldn't help it and he threatened to take me to a doctor and put me on medication. He told the kids to ignore me and that I am crazy. But he did slow down to 60 mph.
When he dropped me off at school I was trembling and still crying... I went to guidance because i didn't want people to think i am crazy and stayed there for a while...
Why doesn't my dad understand, someone I care about has died for driving carelessly... aren't my actions, if not justifiable, at least understandable?
I have been in a haze all day, trying not to think about how he threateneed that when I go back home from school how he is going to 'have a discussion with me about getting on medication'... I truly think he should be the one seeing a counselor! His temper has always been horrible, but putting his childrens life in danger is unforgivable! And calling me names and threatening me when I am in a panic? Why???

[hesson81]

Thank god you posted here. Forgive me if I stray away from effective communication.

One thing that I'm glad is that you have recognized is who has the real problem and it's not you. I might be able to offer a bit of understanding behind it all. Your dad might just be at his wits end and he doesn't know how how to deal with it. As your children grow up and turn into the people that you turn them into, it may not be what you think is ideal. Not that your not ideal, it would be what your dad percieves ideal to be. You have done great by going with the grain of who you are. Don't go against the grain. I'm thinking about it logically, why would a father want to tell these things to his 17 year old. It's not becuase you are loosing control it's because he's loosing control. He doesn't know what to do, so he handles it in the most irrational way possible.

I hope you can understand what he's going through, becuase once you do that you can gain a sence of immunity from him. Right now you seem to be effected by him, which would be normal. He's your Father. I think the best thing for you is to learn how to not be effected by him. Soon you'll be a legal adult, and soon enough you will be out on your own.

I don't think your going crazy and I don't think you need to take the medication. I think what I have learned going through anxiety and a few panic attacks, is that it is a loss of control. I learned that I don't have control over a lot of things. Certain things you have to face, others you can detach from. The beuty of life is that you have the choice, and if you make the right ones you'll overcome. I.E. your fathers behavior and how it effects you is something you may be able to detatch from. Driving is something you'll want to face.

I can understand how you feel, and you should just take your time, and learn what's good for you. It's a perfect balance that we all need to find.... good luck, but you'll be fine.