Need Help, Advice

[Tommy87]

Hello All,

I'm a senior in high school, and I've had a terrifically rough year. I've been on several medications to treat depression, bipolar, and now anxiety. I'm currently out of school, because i've gotten so nervous about seeing a few people. I'm waiting to get transfered to a new school that helps with kids struggling with emotional difficulties.

I guess my main concern right now is about this constant fear I have about suddenly losing control and hurting people i love most. I think I've only developed this fear because i've really obsessed over why people act out in violence and lose control, because someone i cared about has evidently been in an abusive relationship. I tried my best to help this person when they came to me for help (it seemed) but I got really obsessed over it, and when I realized that I was getting slightly delusional (which started to peak after an accidental overdose of seroquil, in combination with constant insomnia) and after i realized that the situation was probably much worse than I had ever imagined, I began to feel like I was losing touch with reality. When I would try to fall asleep, I would panic once i closed my eyes, and when I could control the panic and sit still, I would have very intense and bizarre dreamlike thoughts, though I would be awake. I felt physical and mental agony, and I was afraid that I might at any time lose control and act out in violence or lose control sexually (despite the fact that I'm completely abstinent), or that I might commit suicide. I voluntarily admitted myself to a residential program at a mental hospital, but once I got there I felt like it would leave me permanently insane by being exposed to REALLY disturbed people there. So my mom got me out, thankfully, but the fears still remain. When I try to lay down in bed now, I feel this sinking feeling, and I suddenly jolt awake with muscle spasms. My face and eyes twitch all the time, my vision is getting disturbed, and my muscles tremble and ache, and i've actually developed scoliosis it seems very rapidly it seems in response to all this stress. My psychiatrist has lost mine and my mother's confidence, for a number of reasons, and she actually talked another psychiatrist out of taking my case, so I feel helpless.

Sorry for the length, but I need help fast! I don't know what to do. I don't really want to take medication because I don't trust it, but I don't know what other ways to get help. I can't focus on school work I owe, I've been told not to exercise, and I feel like I'm going crazy!
If anyone has any advice or comments that might be helpful I'd appreciate it.

Thanks,
Tom

[soshy]

Hi Tommy87 and welcome to the Forum. So sorry to hear you're having a hard time. It's very common to have obsessive thoughts when having anxiety. How is the Seroquel working for you? Has it helped during manic stages? Finding the right medication can be difficult because we are all physiologically different. I know it's hard to be patient with medications; they do take time to work if it's the right one for you.

Are you seeing a therapist along with the psychiatrist? I think that is very important. I use to go on a weekly basis when I was feeling real bad because my anxiety was so high.

It's great that you are making the effort in helping yourself; that's how we get better ;) .

Let us know how things are going and hang in there :) !

soshy

[Tommy87]

I'm off the seroquel, it reacted pretty badly with me. I recently called a therapist so I should be seeing him soon. And it's encouraging that some people are helped by medication. My experience has been bad, but I'll keep trying if it might be helpful.

Thanks for the reply,
Tom

[leftie15]

hey tommy welcome good to see ya here this an awesome place i saw you've been going through some rough times and i ust want to tell you your defentily not alone you sound just like me 5months ago today i am recovering from my anxiety and its great but i really wanted to post to u because of those thoughts you've been having bout losing control hurting yourself or someone else i'm right there with ya man that has been my biggest fear through out this whole ordeal constantly running through your head with no end in site i want to tell you tho you know deep in your heart if your that type of person and from looks of it your not i know sayin try not to think about isn't gonna do it trust i've heard it all about 2weeks ago after so long with those thoughts constantly running playin ova and ova i finally had a revalation almost my road had been tough ust like yours but i'm still here and i battled with myselfg everyday as does everyone else here i finally just said to myself is that who i really want to be in life is that really my purpose and i thought about all the good bad and ugly times and i thought to myself you know f*ck this shit i'm not gonna be consumed by a thought that in no way shape or form is who i amso from that day everyday i wake i thank my parents for puttin me on this earth and i thank myself for always fighting and neva giving up you can ova come like i said i just am gettin ova those fears because know itswrong and its not who we want to be no matter how bad you think youcan't control them you control thos thoughts every single day all youhave to say yourself is that who i want to be and this thinking isn't gonna help me overcome this at all i am stronger this i control anxiety and it doesn't control repeat that constantly everyday man you willovercome i have faith in take it from someone who had those same fears all they are fears there not rational look at all the good in your life and think bout that hope this can really help you out because iknow how hard it is with those thoughts but u can beat this good luck man hope to hear fromya try and have a good day