Relationships

[gadguy]

OK here is the deal, I'm 43. suffered from anxiety all my life at least as far as I can remember, been on meds for a year I guess( hard to keep track) anyway I feel alive for the first time ever. Have recently thrown myself back into the dating scene( dating was all but impossiable before) anyway, the anxiety is kicking in during the times I am with a date, thinking about my date. I find myself starting to sabotage this relationship just like I used to do to avoid the anxiety and the attacks. The rest of my life has so greatly improved, but as far as the personal relationship part of my life, I'm still a basket case. Anyone else had to deal with this and what did you do to get over it?

Thank You
GADGUY

[stella]

I would like to hear the answer to this q too. :(
because I'm sure I will be dealing with it in the future.

[danstelter]

Yup, I had this problem in my younger life and the anxiety would get so intense that I would avoid relationships altogether just to get rid of the anxiety. What I eventually learned is that this would get rid of the anxiety in the short-term, but it would increase anxiety in the long-term.
So, the solution for me was to build myself into a really decent person and focus on that, knowing that a good relationship would come once I had become the right kind of person. By really decent, I mean that I worked my hardest to reduce anxiety and increase my confidence, help others, and develop other talents and abilities.

And you know what? After a few years, I am now going to get married! The relationship did not come in the way that I wanted or expected, but it did come and it is a good thing to have. Focus on making yourself a better person, and eventually the right relationship comes into your life, and I believe that can happen at any age.

[gadguy]

Thank you Dan, I guess I am just not ready to take the relationship leap, however at 43 I feel like I am running out of time.. to ever have a family. Anyway I guess I should give it more time, because right now I feel myself shutting down with any thought of dating, even phone calls are getting unbearable. Thank You again,

G