My last year of hell

[Gaucho]

Hi guys and girls,

I thought I would share this to get it off my chest as it's something which has taken a huge toll on my life over the past year and which I am still only begining to try to sort out despite countless doctors and specialist visits.

This story began a full year ago (nearly to the day) when I moved States and Cities to start a new job. On the first night of arriving, I all of a sudden had cramping in my hands, tingling all down my back and in my head and muscle spasms and twitching all over my body. Everytime I would nearly dose off to sleep (this happened for about a week), I would wake up in a panic, felt like I couldn't control my thoughts and with a violent body jolt (and a feeling like my brain exploded). When I would wake up with this, I would also have weird thoughts, like wanting to hurt somebody, though I was still concious enough to never do so, but the thought of what may happen if I ever did flip out, was extremelly worrying). My balance also went completely lop-sided and I felt like I was viewing everything on an angle. I also had what I think you guys refer to as 'brain fog' where I felt uncoordinated, felt in a haze and would slur my speech.

So I saw a couple of different doctors numerous times over the subsequent weeks. Had a CT scan, blood work and finally was sent to a neurologist. He suspected MS and sent me for more bloodwork, an EMG (think that's the name, where they zap your nerves) and an MRI. All clear. I visited him a few times before he could not come up with a diagnosis and let me go (WTF, without even knowing what was going on or any kind of help for my symptoms).

So over the rest of the year, I have had constant muscle twitching, extreme fatigue (not fatigue where I want to sleep, but where I feel so exhausted I cannot even move), muscle spasms all over my body (where it would feel like I just ran a marathon the next day, with the muscles aching from all the spasming), tingling in my head and in my back from time to time. It really affects my life and I have become extremelly reclusive for someone who used to be always busy and always doing things (I worked in a hedge fund, played numerous competitive sports and used to do some modelling work, wow, can't believe that actually used to be me just one year ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

I now only go to work and then home. That is it. That is all I can cope with.

Finally, after a bit of stress at work over this past week, a couple of nights back, I could not sleep, I got right to that stage of dozing off and then got up, my entire body shaking, my head moving side to side uncontrollably, boiling hot, and I felt like I was going to flip out, I couldn't grasp my thoughts. So I woke someone up in my house, I was crying as I was so distressed and terrified and ended up drinking so much alcohol I just passed out.

I went to the doctor the next day (yesterday now) and he thinks all these symptoms are actually caused by anxiety (something I didn't even consider nor did any of the doctors I saw as I am usually a relaxed person, at least I thought so). He has given me an anti-depressent for the anxiety and a muscle relaxant for when I can't sleep to help me nod off (but only to use when I get very bad).

So I guess my question is, can anyone relate or am I just a freeking mad man and a fruitloop? And do these symptoms: twitching, tingling back and head (feels like someone is pouring whiz fizz sherbit on my brain and spine), muscle spasms, extreme fatigue and every now and then a feeling of loosing my mind once I try to drift of to sleep, sound like an anxiety disorder (or I guess I could have multiple?).

Thx and sorry for the long post. I haven't really discussed any of this with people who actually understand (my girlfriend who I live with I can tell doesn't like hearing about it as it affects her too, so she tries to just brush it off a bit). And my friends don't have a clue what I am going through and actually just laugh when I try to explain it to them (though I don't see many of them anymore as I just can't cope leaving the house).

I guess I just hope it is something like anxiety (as opposed to MS which came back clear on the MRI) and I can take this medication, do exercise and live a proper, full, healthy life once more!!! Just seems to me so insane that it could come on so suddenly and destroy my entire life for a year (and who knows how much longer yet)!!!!

Thx for putting up with my rant. (I am a 27 year old guy from Australia who is at the point of no return!!!!!).

[MindPieces]

I've had some of these symptoms -- jolting awake in the middle of the night, brain fog, headaches, feeling like I'm "lopsided", etc. While I do believe these symptoms are brought on by anxiety, I'm starting to think the real culprit may be some sort of vitamin/mineral deficiency. Have you had your vitamin B levels checked by your doctor? I think that's my next step.

Read up on vitamin B deficiency. You'll be surprised all the trouble it can cause!

[Gaucho]

Hi Mind,

Yes, I had boodwork done twice for these kind of things and even took vitamin B and B12 specifically (deep down I was hoping it would be something so simple), but it was not.

After all my other tests, I thought I must just be a freak or still had something serious undiagnosed (Neuro said it is still possible it's MS and just hasn't shown up yet).

So I am really hoping it is anxiety and I can be helped!

[Robbed]

I guess I just hope it is something like anxiety (as opposed to MS which came back clear on the MRI) and I can take this medication, do exercise and live a proper, full, healthy life once more!!! Just seems to me so insane that it could come on so suddenly and destroy my entire life for a year (and who knows how much longer yet)!!!!

You might want to hold off on the medication for a while. Although the doctor probably tried to sell it as the perfect solution for your problem, more than a few people find antidepressants to be more hell than salvation. And many more find that it either just plain doesn't work, or doesn't work well enough. Add to this the fact that you can become addicted to antidepressants (despite what your doctor says), and you can see that there is significant risk here. Honestly, I would not take meds unless I absolutely KNEW that nothing else would help. You are on the right track here about exercise, as this has been shown to be every bit as effective as medication, but without the downside. You might also try CBT, whether by yourself with a self-help book OR from a good therapist (a good therapist can be REALLY helpful, but, unfortunately, most therapists are not too good from my experience).

In any case, it almost sounds like the stress of moving and getting a new job possibly pushed you over the brink (since this is when your problems started). It also sounds like you are caught up in the whole 'fear of fear' cycle - you are VERY afraid of what has happened to you. In the long term, trying not to be afraid of your anxiety problem will lessen your anxiety situation gradually over time (there are NO overnight fixes here). Also, either learning to accept your new living situation or returning to your former home would be helpful if this is still a problem for you.

[Gaucho]

Cheers for the reply Rob.

Yes my Dr said the meds are only a quick fix solution, and won't cure me, he said getting to the root of the problem, diet and exercise would help in the longer-run, but he said until then the meds will take the edge off enough for me to just function in the first place (I'm to the point that even with relaxation and meditation techniques I can't even sleep without going crazy) and my muscles all over my body just twitch and cramp up everywhere despite trying deep breathing etc.

So I'm hoping the meds will just get me to a place where I can function and then get the rest of the things in order. My brother actually had a similar experience (though not as bad) a couple of years back and the medication helped him greatly, he is now completely clear of meds and lives a very heatlhy life.

[Robbed]

So I'm hoping the meds will just get me to a place where I can function and then get the rest of the things in order. My brother actually had a similar experience (though not as bad) a couple of years back and the medication helped him greatly, he is now completely clear of meds and lives a very heatlhy life.

My point is that meds might not be that thing that will 'take the edge off' to the point that you can function better while you make other changes. They can just as easily make things worse for you. Any way you look at it, meds are risky. They may have helped your brother get back on track. But this is no guarantee they will help you. They might. But they might not. They also might make things worse. Ultimately, it is your choice in the end whether you want to take them or not. Just keep in mind that there ARE risks.

I should also note that, if sleep is a problem for you, SSRI antidepressants can exacerbate this. Insomnia is actually quite a common side effect of antidepressants.

[Gaucho]

Thx for the concern.

But I think I will take my chances, and monitor whether or not I think they are making any difference.

If not, I can always ween myself off them, but if they do make a positive impact, then it's worth the shot.