Scared for my baby - negative thoughts

[Weeze Begs]

I am so sad to admit that I have had this negative thought -

Yesterday I went to wake my baby girl up from her morning nap. I picked her up, kissed and cuddled her, went over to the window and pulled the curtains and opened the window wide to get some fresh air in.

With that this thought rushed into my head of how easy it would be to throw her out the large window.
Don't get me wrong, I would never do it, as she is the world to me and I love her dearly.

I am sickened that I had this thought, and I can't believe this thought came to my mind so quickly and naturally. I just can't believe I had this thought.

I spoke to my Pschatrist and he said that it it just a thought brought on through my post-natal depression and that I shouldn't dwell on it, and it doesn't mean that I will do it.

Has anybody else had negative thoughts

[Charlene]

Hi Weeze Begs,

A huge part of having anxiety disorder is to scare ourselves silly with our thoughts. We can think up the most horrifying things!

But here's the good news....you won't ever, ever throw your baby out the window! Here's why. The very thought of it scared you! You are scared of the idea of throwing your baby out the window. Had you not been scared, and even enjoyed the thought of it...well, that's where you would be in trouble. But you won't ever do it, because the thought of it scares you.

Your disorder is doing its best work on you right now. Its looking for ways to freak you out and make you second guess yourself and your sanity. But you are sane. Do you hear me? You are sane! You are not losing your mind, you are not losing control. You are just having some scary thoughts.

You know, some people are afraid that if they drive over a long bridge, they might keep their foot on the accelerator and drive off the edge. Other people are afraid of being close to knives for fear they might do something crazy with them.

The thing to keep in perspective, if you can, (I know its hard to do), is to remember that you are not losing your mind. You will not hurt your baby. You are afraid of the very thought of hurting your baby.

Hope this helps to calm you down. You're doing great, we can all tell how much you love your new daughter. She is lucky to have you as her mother.

[Weeze Begs]

Thanks Charlene, I needed to hear that.

I have been taking meds for the last 4 weeks and I thought I was getting better, as other anxiety thoughts that I were having have diminished ( the usual....I am ill, I am dying thought's)

I think what shocked me most was a) having the thought in the first place as I would never hurt my kids. b) how quick and natural the thought came to me.

I have now started opening the window before I pick my baby up, like you say people keeping away from knives.

I just don't want to put myself in the situation again.

I haven't told my husband as I don't want him to think the kids are not safe with their own Mother.

My Mum and Mother-in-law are with me 24 hrs a day as I can't be on my own and I haven't told them. I sometimes get them to bring the baby down too, to avoid the situation repeating it's self.

[Charlene]

Hi Weeze Begs,

I understand that you want to avoid the situation from ever occuring again because of the sudden wave of seemingly uncontrollable fear that struck you. But the truth is, it might. Avoidance (of the open window) is not necessarily going to prevent the unwanted situation from popping up again, because you'll just get another scary thought to replace the window scenario.

So many people with this disorder begin to use avoidance behaviours. They stop doing the things they used to enjoy for fear that something bad might happen to them. And slowly, they become fearful of almost everything. If you can find the courage in yourself (and I know you have it!), the next time a scary thought pops into your head (you will feel scared, your heart might pound fast, you might shake) tell yourself "Okay, this is just a scary thought and nothing more. I'm just trying to find ways to scare myself. I'm alright. Nothing bad is going to happen to me. It's just a scary thought." It will be very hard to do at first and you probably won't believe yourself, but in time, if you repeat it often enough and do it every time you scare yourself, you will soon begin to realize that there is nothing to fear. I know it's far more difficult to do than how it sounds. But believe me, you can overcome this.

If you don't feel comfortable discussing this latest episode with your mother and mother-in-law, then don't. They probably don't fully understand the disorder and may misinterpret your thoughts as being dangerous. BUT THEY AREN'T. But definitely continue to be open with your Psychiatrist. And of course, you have all of us to share your concerns with.

[anxiousbelle]

I've had bad thoughts like that too. I haven't got a baby of my own yet but I have them about my family for no reason and immediately get freaked out as to why they suddenly popped up in my head. It really scares you doesn't it? I find it rly horrible but I just remind myself I don't mean it, and it IS part of anxiety disorder.

Don't worry, I'm sure you love your daughter dearly, these thoughts are frightening but nothing to be concerned about :)