Velrose
07-25-2009, 08:35 PM
It's been a while since I've been around this forum. I dunno why I stopped coming here. I still have my depression and my anxiety and panics attacks, save for now... the anxiety has been focused on something else completely out of my control... but that is beside the point.
I'm so lonely. All of my family lives 17 hours away in Texas, and I'm stuck here, with only my husband and daughter, and then occasionally my husband's family --who by the by--all hate me. And what's bad? All of my social interaction consists of husband, daughter and his family. I have TRIED to make friends with some of my daughters friends parents... but none of them seem to be interested.
I have no friends, no social life, and lately, I've even pulled away from my online friends. I just...I don't think they enjoy talking to me anymore. I don't want to bother them.
In two weeks... my daughter starts first grade, and honestly, she's the only thing keeping me sane lately. I look forward to taking her to and from school, but I don't look forward to standing at the corner waiting for the children to leave school in the afternoon. There are so many others waiting there for their kids...
We're broke too. We had been planning a trip to Disney world in August but we had to cancel it because our only car died, and we had to shell out nearly 1500 dollars to have it fixed. My husband constantly wants to buy crap..and I want to do nothing but stuff my face to drown out any pain I feel. So...we're broke and I hate it. Right now, we're trying to get back on our feet though. I have applied at several places, but no one wants to hire me because I have no work experience.
I feel like... i just keep falling down and down and down... and the way out of this pit get further away every day. I wish I had someone here to talk to. My therapist ended our meetings about three months ago, saying she thought I was doing good, and that I didn't need to come in on a regular basis....
But I lied to her... she didn't really give a crap about me or anything that was going on. She never remembered a damn thing I told her, and all she cared about was my misconstrued concept of time.
God. I've gained so much weight over this last year since I found out my husband cheated on me. I am so unhealthy now, and I want to exercise, but I am scared to. I start panicking everytime I feel my heart rate pick up...I don't want to have a heart attack from exercising and be all alone. That is so scary...
I just wish...I had attention. Like...motherly attention. It's so strange, but recently, I've just wanted a hug from my mom. I can't have that though...She lives so far away, and honestly, I can never tell her any of this, she has enough problems of her own. How selfish would it be for me to lay all of my problems out for her?
I'm so lonely. All of my family lives 17 hours away in Texas, and I'm stuck here, with only my husband and daughter, and then occasionally my husband's family --who by the by--all hate me. And what's bad? All of my social interaction consists of husband, daughter and his family. I have TRIED to make friends with some of my daughters friends parents... but none of them seem to be interested.
I have no friends, no social life, and lately, I've even pulled away from my online friends. I just...I don't think they enjoy talking to me anymore. I don't want to bother them.
In two weeks... my daughter starts first grade, and honestly, she's the only thing keeping me sane lately. I look forward to taking her to and from school, but I don't look forward to standing at the corner waiting for the children to leave school in the afternoon. There are so many others waiting there for their kids...
We're broke too. We had been planning a trip to Disney world in August but we had to cancel it because our only car died, and we had to shell out nearly 1500 dollars to have it fixed. My husband constantly wants to buy crap..and I want to do nothing but stuff my face to drown out any pain I feel. So...we're broke and I hate it. Right now, we're trying to get back on our feet though. I have applied at several places, but no one wants to hire me because I have no work experience.
I feel like... i just keep falling down and down and down... and the way out of this pit get further away every day. I wish I had someone here to talk to. My therapist ended our meetings about three months ago, saying she thought I was doing good, and that I didn't need to come in on a regular basis....
But I lied to her... she didn't really give a crap about me or anything that was going on. She never remembered a damn thing I told her, and all she cared about was my misconstrued concept of time.
God. I've gained so much weight over this last year since I found out my husband cheated on me. I am so unhealthy now, and I want to exercise, but I am scared to. I start panicking everytime I feel my heart rate pick up...I don't want to have a heart attack from exercising and be all alone. That is so scary...
I just wish...I had attention. Like...motherly attention. It's so strange, but recently, I've just wanted a hug from my mom. I can't have that though...She lives so far away, and honestly, I can never tell her any of this, she has enough problems of her own. How selfish would it be for me to lay all of my problems out for her?