Please help me someone, I don't know what to do :(

[inga]

Dear all

I'm new here, so please forgive me for starting off by writing about myself.

Anyway, I really don't know what to do anymore. My anxiety is so bad that I end up writing list after list after list of things I need to do before I can leave the house. I'm so frightened of going out and forgetting something on my list that I have to keep memorising and checking and re-checking in case I forget something (the list will include things I need to buy, things I need to do, even down to things to say to people etc). I'm also so paranoid that I smell (I suffer from irritable bowel syndrome and fear I smell of pooh) that I spray loads of perfume before I go out and re-apply it around 5 times a day. I can't talk to somone without a mint or chewing gum in my mouth either - in case they smell bad breath.

I get so anxious that I often hold my breath for a long time and then just take tiny short breaths in, almost like a panic attack. My vision is often blurred and I feel like I'm in a heightened state of panic around 4 or 5 times every day.

I write lists in an effort to calm myself down - again, every thought that's in my mind gets written down in case I forget anything. I'm a pefectionist so every little thing about everything gets written down!

Please help, I get little to NO enjoyment out of life - I feel like I exist rather than actaully live a life.

My medications are Seroxat (peroxitine) and Lithium.

x

[Charlene]

Hello inga,

You've come to the right place to share your worries and hopefully pick up some new ways to conquer them. You mentioned that you're on two different kinds of medication. From what you've written in your post, they don't appear to be helping with calming or easing your mind.

First know that you're not alone. There are so many others out there who have OCD and feel a prisoner to their thoughts. Your obsessiveness towards perfectionism has caused you great anxiety and now has developed into episodes of panic. But again, remember, you're in good company.

If you're serious about getting better and really want to move away from this dark cloud, you've got to let go of the need to write the lists. Tell yourself that you are in control. The lists do not control you. This is your life, you make the decisions and you can function wonderfully well without the lists.

I suggest you make a serious attempt to drop one list from your daily ritual, just for one day. Why not drop the "need to buy list". One day, that's all. Start tomorrow! Allow yourself to write a list for where you need to go and a list for who you need to talk to and what you need to say, but do not write a list for anything that you're about to buy. Just "wing" it. Go on! You can do it! Get dressed, go out that door and head out to the store without a list. Try it. That's all. Just try. Be committed to yourself and prove to yourself that you CAN do this! I believe in you! I know you can do it! Is it going to feel awful not writing the list? Sure. But that's okay. You know deep down that it's healthier not to be a slave to the list. So go through with it, no matter how painful it might feel. You will survive it! And once you've proven to yourself that you can drop a list for just one day, you can attempt it again the next day and the next. For every victory you have, you will become stronger, more secure and you'll begin to feel alive again! I support you in this Inga. I know you can do it!

As for your IBS and fear of stinking badly, you need to know that the re-application of your favourite perfume might be extremely offensive to others, so you're really not doing anyone, including yourself, any favours by slathering yourself in it. Let me assure you, you don't smell like poopy-ka-ka. Unless of course, you're walking around in a soiled diaper, which I doubt you are. You have a fear of smelling badly, and that's okay. Nothing wrong with wanting to smell clean and nice. But try to recognize that it's your mind that's got you thinking that you stink. It's YOUR MIND....it's taunting you and teasing you and making you miserable. But, your mind is your own. Nobody else puts those thoughts in your head. You do. You conjure them up all on your own. So, if you can put those unwanted thoughts in your head, you certainly have the power to toss them out. The way to toss them out is by learning to recognize the sentences that flow in your thoughts and once you hear them, shout (in your head) STOP! And turn the statement around to something positive, something that is more likely to be said to you by a loving friend. Something like, "I don't smell bad today. I had a shower. I used soap. I brushed my teeth. I smell pretty darn good actually. I smell better than a rose!" All I'm saying Inga, is to TRY! I know you can make some small attempts in making yourself feel better. :)

[Giz]

Hey Inga..

First of all, I think everyone just writes about themselves the first time they come onto a forum, because you have to introduce yourself, and you came here because you were looking for help, so noone is going to hold that against you :)

OK.. The lists.. I have to admit, I do that-altho to a much lesser extent.. I only do it because I am actually quite forgetful if I get distracted and so having a list is handy.. But it tends to be things like, go to the bank, get eggs etc..
I guess what Im saying that to try and cut out the lists altogether is going to seem impossible, because in reality, trying to stay away from them altogether is like remaining a slave to them by your avoidance.. Everything in life needs some sort of balance, when were out of balance we start to feel a bit haywire.. So what Id say is lists arent bad of themselves, but perhaps you dont need to tie yourself up in them so much..

You mention IBS. IBS is something that sometimes gets misdiagnosed (esp when you bear in mind that Doctors study "medicine", Nutrition and the role of the digestive system is largely neglected in their training-so if you have a digestive complaint-what you really need is a nutritional therapist.. For many, IBS is not the problem, it is the quality of food and intake of certain vitamins & minerals that in fact causes in the discomfort and other symptoms. Another possibility may be an underlying food intolerance thats doing the irritating.. May I ask how your diet is? Is there one food that you tend to eat more than anything else? Is there any particular foods that inflame the problem?
Would you eat mainly vegetables-crunchy ones, and organic if possible? Would you eat wholegrain or would you be more inclined to refined or "white" food? And would you be partial to caffienated drinks or any other stimulants like sugar or nicotine? Would you drink? Would you ever eat oily fish? Would you eat seeds?

Im sorry, I know that this all sounds very personal.. But there are reasons behind it. A food intolerance can present with symptoms of a mental illness-esp if you had skin problems at the onset of the illness. Alternating constipation with diahhrea can be due to a lack of certain vitamins-primarily the main antioxidants, A, C & E. So as you can imagine, your reference to your digestive complaint could actually bring you down the path to your solution..
Another thing worth mentioning is that B vitamins and blood sugar imbalances are very closely linked to mental health-particularly depression and anxiety. The B vitamins are all about releasing energy from food (so being low on them leaves you feeling drained) and they also play a role in brain function-being low on them can really make a mess of you head!! (being chronically low can leave you having visual and auditory hallucinations!)
B vitamins are in almost everything, but people who are prone to stress use them up faster. they are water soluble so the body doesnt store them very well, and for some just supplementing a high dose of B complex vitamins & magnesium can be more effective than any antidepressant (I am just one example)
And then theres the Essential fatty Acids-the Ohmega fats.. Your brain is literally made of these fats, and its not just getting one thats important, its getting them in balance. Thats why having oily fish once or twice a week (although limit your tuna intake, its very high in mercury) and eating mixed seeds every day can be very brain friendly.

Having tried the anti depressants in the past and had nothing but negative experiences with them, I will freely admit that I am quite anti psychiatric drugs, I am afraid that for the majority they cause more harm than good, and I am firmly convinced that the key to the majority of psychiatric problems lies in nutrition, exercise, sunlight and therapy.

Maybe with your reply we may get a better picture and not my assumptions (for which I apologise if Ive said anything that may offend!). And who knows, we could even find a way to get you free of those nasty drugs!!

Love & Light

[dtrotter]

hey inga,

why dont you try to do everything against your will and see how it turns out? it may not be as worse as you thought it will be.

[Constantinos]

Hi and welcome to the shitty world of panics,,

I am 35 years old and i have been suffering from panic attacks, anxiety, for the last 10 years, though if i can recall correctly i had panic attacks since the age of 10 - 11 without knowing what i was going through. In any case, the last 3,5 years i do psychotherapy and it helped me a lot. I can not say that i am 100% confident for myself but saw a lot of improvement. In addition to that i read an article lateley that helped me lot and i am quoting this below. Believe me it is going to help you.

Panic Attacks are completely harmless. Although they look really bad, they feel like your mind is out of control, you are feeling like running and hiding from yourself, and you are afraid that you are going to die, still, completely harmless. The secret and method to overcome your problem is that "Without fear of them they cannot exist". I will quote below a part of a text that helped me a lot. Please read it and it will help you.

"In quick overview, to end a panic attack - an overwhelming feeling of fear - you have to pass through the wall of apprehension to the other side of your fear (no, this isn't some weird faith healing or new age crap). This works! I wish I could take you there by the hand myself but YOU have to do it. The trust in it working is something that goes against all aspects of our sense of survival and takes some time to really believe in. Yet IF you are experiencing a fear/panic attack I found the only way to beat it is to try to let the feeling be as worse as it wants to be. Let it be as bad as you can make it. And, because it truly IS a self-created fear, once you have made the desire to travel to the "OTHER side" of fear by letting it do its positively worse to you then ...there is NOTHING...nothing there. No fear. The other side is NO fear at all but a big smile. The moment of realization is a wonderful experience. For me, it was THEN that I realized that these "out of control" feelings were finished!

Stress is the major instigator for panic feelings. Perhaps you had realized a certain level of stress that had exceeded your ability to release it. I say, "had" because probably the event that triggered these panic attacks is over with. There are many relaxation methods for lowering stress and all of them are beneficial. Understanding your stress and learning to manage it will always help you throughout your life. However, the panic attacks were probably the culmination of that initial stress event. I don't care WHAT or HOW you arrived at these feelings - you have them and you don't like them and you want to get rid of them! Right now it's not important that your mother was mean or your father ignored you or if you are a perfectionist, or obsessive, etc. I am not trivializing your situation. Panic attacks feed off of themselves. They are a common disorder that can trouble even the most intelligent or the strongest person. They are an entire entity all in themselves. These feelings seem so powerful and they scare you. But your mind is NOT going bananas, being lost or slipping away into insanity despite your fear or your past. You are only doing what seems natural...fighting them in trying to get control over them. But you are trying to STOP FEAR! Fear is not under your conscious control. It is controlled instinctively in reaction to WHAT YOU BELIEVE! And right now you believe that you are THREATENED! Instead, you are going to accept it and let it become you and, thereby, stop the overreaction. Read on!

Probably you have suspected a myriad of potential illnesses and feared some significant health problem that your physician has not found or explained away as "nerves" or some other reference to your nervous system. If not, please visit your doctor and remove these questions! He/she may even prescribe anti-anxiety drugs that may help you to deal with your panic feelings if you need immediate results. Some medical professionals like to describe panic as a chemical imbalance that might respond favorably to medication. I tried several of them. I preferred to not use them because I didn't like the side-affects and stipulations for use. But for some sufferers medication is very helpful. However, in the absence of a real medical problem, you are, at present, afraid of the panic attacks themselves or simply put, AFRAID OF BEING AFRAID!

I have to be blunt! There is no THING causing this (unless there is a specifically identified illness, situation or event like a wild animal attacking you). It's not a place or situation or thought...not that couch or that car or that room or that strange feeling in your eyes, stomach, head, arms, or that crowded place! Not a brain tumor, not cancer of anything, no breakdown of any nerves! Only you! To think otherwise..to think that a certain room or situation CAUSES you to have the attacks...is false. Sure, I understand that when you are in a place or situation where you have felt these attacks before that you are aware of being there and fear THAT place or situation. BUT IT'S YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM being on a high state of alert. You must understand that it's coming from you! You also are exaggerating those strange feelings that you are having in your body into MAJOR significance. You are boxing in your life more and more by HIDING from these! It's NOT these places or situations or feelings, and I know that's hard to accept. But this is where you change your attitude from HIDING to "giving up"! From superstition to a rational approach!

Once you apply the attitude, "I will let this feeling of fear be as worse as it wants to be, I don't care anymore", and let it happen, let yourself go towards it and begin to believe it (the prime objective), then the truth starts to comes out. You become a little less afraid. IT TAKES PRACTICE. (Research in treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder has demonstrated that persistent practice of skills such as these can result in measurable changes in brain function without medication.) As you begin to "pooh-pooh" these fear feelings and establish the attitude of non-caring more and more you get closer to the rationale about them. Eventually you will be ready for the time when you truly try to make it worse while having a panic attack - and THAT is a key moment!

[inga]

Thank you for all your kind and thoughtful replies. I'm going to read them back through and then write a more comprehensive replu. I'm truly touched by your responses.
x
x

[punisher]

Hi Inga,
I also suffer from panic, anxiety and IBS. Constantinos nailed it pretty well. Try to take some comfort in the FACT that there is nothing physically wrong with you. There are a lot of people out there who wish they could say that. I don't say that to make light of the situation, just trying to keep things in perspective the same way I try to reassure myself every day.

Consider this:
There is a part of the human brain that has no other function than to run every possible worse case scenario imaginable. Not a bad thing to have when your ass could get mauled by a sabretooth tiger or some other damn thing every time you walked out the hut. Nowadays, not so useful. Problem is, the other, more developed parts of our brains sometimes take that other part a little too seriously and we begin to prepare ourselves for the worse. We start to sweat to cool our bodies and to make ourselves slippery for the impending attackers. The blood to our extremeties slows in case we should take a severe blow. Our stomach slows the rate of digestion so that we get every last ounce of energy from the food we have eaten. Our breathing changes to conserve oxygen. The brain feels as though it is going to battle and sends the signals to the body to get ready. Those are just a few of the physical symptons are brain can make use feel. The trick is to make the more rational parts of our brain take over and realize when we are having irrational thoughts. It takes time but I promise you it can be done.

Good luck and please do not hesitate to ask anything on this board. There are some of the most compassionate and knowledgeble people on here who just want to help.