please help...talking to friend about anxiety

[janelle82]

I'm 27, and I have a family history and a personal history of depression and anxiety...I'd say mostly anxiety. I haven't been on a medication for 5 years, and learned how to participate in activities that will sort of brush it away. However, in the last few months, I've been feelinheg the same old way, and it's manifested itself physically as well (I'm always hurting somewhere).

Yesterday I went to the doctor, and she prescribed me Prozac. I was relieved that I'd be able to start on something, because I am really sick of being down and irritated at stupid things.

I ended up telling my best friend last night what I had gone to the doctor for. I'd talked with him before about this, and he's tried to help...convinced me to try to change my outlook on things, etc. But when I told him that the doctor had given me an anti-depressant, things went downhill. He thinks that everyone must have a chemical imbalance, but he, for example, chooses to change his attitude and think about positive things so his worries go away. In a nutshell, he doesn't get it, because he doesn't have it. He thinks that I am using the chemical imbalance to take the blame off of myself for thinking negatively. While he is a great friend in all other areas, and I know he is genuinly trying to help me, his way is not working. Here are a few things that he said:

"start telling yourself that it's YOU. the more you tell yourself the more you will believe it. If it's in your family history, change your attitude about it. Attitude affects behavior. You have more positives than negatives in your life. Put your life in perspective. I worry about things, but I don't let it overwhelm me. I think it's something you have to work on, but try not to say that it's seratonin and so forth. You are never going to fix this if you continue to believe that it's medically related."

Needless to say, this isn't what I need from him, especially at this time, because it's making me feel worse. Not talking to him wouldn't make me feel much better, because he is the closest person to me in my life. I want him to understand, but I've told him so many times, that it sounds like I just want him to feel sorry for me. If I say that depression or anxiety is an illness, he doesn't believe it. I'm at a loss here. Is he right on some aspects? What should I tell him?

[Charlene]

Hi Janelle.

In my opinion, and I stress here, it's just my opinion, I believe your friend is actually correct about many things. He's giving you tools (or suggestions) to use, which is known as CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). And CBT, if applied and used consistently plays a tremendous role in recovery. However, CBT alone is often not enough, especially if you've had the disorder for quite some time.

On the other hand, your friend clearly doesn't "get it". He doesn't understand how the feelings of anxiety and panic feel. Sure, I bet he's been scared in certain situations, like when he's almost been in a car accident, or when he was about to give a speech in front of a large audience. Those are normal, ordinary reactions to those situations. However, if you're like most people with anxiety, simple little non-threatening things can aggravate your symptoms. And to him, he thinks you should be able to fluff them off when those feelings arise, because there's no real threat.

Medication will dull your symptoms, but they'll also dull those other emotions that you might not want tweaked, like feeling joy, elation and exitability. And medication will not actually fix your disorder or make it go away. It only masks your symptoms. If you're going through an exceptionally difficult period, the meds can help dull things just enough so that you can use taught skills (CBT, exposure therapy, serenity skills) without going over the edge.

Your friend has given you some great tools to use to assist with your disorder. However, you don't know how to use them. It's like someone giving you your very first power tool...if you've never used one before.....how are you supposed to know how it works?

[njc38]

I personally am completely against taking medication because i have seen what it does to people, it makes them more depressed and it changes WHO they are...needless to say that it may not do this to you...different things work for different people.

You are lucky to have someone that you can talk to..something i seriously lack atm, hence why iv joined the forum. My parents don't want to accept anxiety, and as i am 20years old, they say i need to grow up and snap out of it...and when i try to talk to them they chnage the subject. Then my friends on the other hand, the few i have..some just completly ignore my anxiety and altho its nice that they dont judge me...they also dont help me through it either, which is something i really need. I have a friend with OCD so she is the only one that understands but i rarely see her as she is away at uni atm.

I think that your friend needs to read up on anxiety and understand how it affects you and to understand that depression IS due to a chemical imbalance and isnt just a way we choose to feel...why on earth would we CHOOSE to live our lives this way? Fearing everything everyday, feeling like crap then feeling selfish for feeling crap and then feeling even more crap! Sorry to rant, im just fed up of living with this horrible condition. I HATE ANXIETY!!

Here if you need a chat. Chin up x

[Robbed]

I think that your friend needs to read up on anxiety and understand how it affects you and to understand that depression IS due to a chemical imbalance and isnt just a way we choose to feel...why on earth would we CHOOSE to live our lives this way?

Actually, it has never been proven that a chemical imbalance is responsible for depression/anxiety. This notion has been largely promoted by the pharmaceutical industry - an industry that has ALOT to gain by having sufferers of depression/anxiety use their products every day for years on end. And, in fact, there is no lab test available to show that you have such an imbalance. Furthermore, even if it is shown that depression/anxiety sufferers DO have such a chemical imbalance, this does not establish a cause/effect relationship between the chemical imbalance and depression/anxiety. It is far more likely that any chemical imbalance associated with depression/anxiety is a PRODUCT of the disorder, and is probably responsible for nothing more than some symptoms of the disorder.

As for choosing to 'feel this way', you are correct that nobody would. However, the way I see things from my own experience, depression/anxiety does not start because you thought about wanting it or having it. Rather, it would seem that depression/anxiety is the result of excessive stress caused by such constant negative thinking. In other words, we really never knew that our thinking could lead to something as horrible as depression/anxiety. It just happened this way because that's what happens to our minds when we stress ourselves excessively. It's much like smoking in this respect. How many smokers really want cancer, heart disease, COPD, etc? None. But, like it or not (and nobody DOES like it), all of these things are just natural consequences of smoking.

[Charlene]

I have to agree with Robbed (Yo! Robbed! How's it going)?

Except with maybe one little thing. There actually could be a chemical imbalance. However, as Robbed said, this imbalance, this chemical formation has occured, due to our constant negative thinking. We, albeit, unintentionally, created our brains to become addicted to some of the chemicals produced when feeling stressed, panicked, anxious, or depressed - - by merely thinking ourselves into that state continuously. We don't do it deliberately. But these excessive negative thoughts activate specific patterns of synaptic connections, enabling our bodies to in turn, create chemicals related to those unsettling thoughts. Once the chemicals are loose in the body, the body feels unsettled. And we become aware of these terrifying, yet harmless sensations. So as Robbed said, the depression/anxiety creates the unwanted chemicals, not the other way around.

Knowing that these feelings are just a product of our own thoughts might help lessen the fear of them. And the best news of all, as Robbed said, medication is not the answer to be free of this disorder. The way out is to re-program your mind.

[ThePhoenix]

Its a tough one, I can see both sides of the coin.

There is definitely something to be said for a positive outlook and positive attitude but then again its also proven that depression in worse cases is a chemical inbalance.

So theres arguments to be made either way, my advice is trust your gut and doctor. If your doctor thinks thats the best course of action for you and your happy with it then stick with it.

[njc38]

Thats surprising, i always have found this to be the cause when looking it up and when i did psychology, but like you say, pharmaceutical companies make alot money from sufferers who believe their product can cure the depression. I know what you mean, its so true that we do get used to a negative way of thinking, a vicious cycle i think it is hard to break. x

[Robbed]

There is definitely something to be said for a positive outlook and positive attitude but then again its also proven that depression in worse cases is a chemical inbalance.

The presence of a chemical imbalance is irrelevant. What is important is the cause and effect relationship between this chemical imbalance and depression/anxiety. It is quite likely that saying the chemical imbalance CAUSES depression/anxiety is like saying that a cough causes a cold. Of course, the BIG problem here is that, with our current limited knowledge of the human central nervous system, there is no way to demonstrate a cause/effect relationship. Furthermore, the whole idea of considering depression/anxiety to be 'diseases' is flawed as well. Depression and anxiety define not diseases, but sets of symptoms. As such, it is possible for depression/anxiety to have multiple causes. But psychological causes are by far the most common.


Thats surprising, i always have found this to be the cause when looking it up and when i did psychology, but like you say, pharmaceutical companies make alot money from sufferers who believe their product can cure the depression.

It is also a well-known fact that pharmaceutical companies play a LARGE role in the writing of curricula and textbooks in medical schools. I'm sure that LOTS of this is going to spill over into psychology textbooks as well.