Help for someone supporting an anxiety sufferer??

[Astrid]

Hello everyone!

I have suffered myself in the past from depression and anxiety. I still suffer mildly, but its much more under control than what it was.

The situation I am in at the moment is that my boyfriend is now suffering from acute depression and anxiety.

He has been out of work for nearly 3 yrs due to the illness and has been receiving counselling and various medications to help him recover.
He was due to start a new job recently, and although he was happy to go back to work, the anxiety kicked in again the day before and he was so ill he couldn’t go.
After 3 yrs I am now really struggling to cope with it myself and am worried that I’ll also become ill again.

Does anyone have any advice for me in terms of what I can do to help him other than just ‘being there’?

As always, I’m there to support him and help him as much as I can, but I’m not sure that its helping as much as it should do.

Are there any websites out there to help people who live with anxiety sufferers, as I need help and support too to be able to help him in turn.


Thanks in advance

[thehatchedegg]

I hate to say it, but at least you kind of know what he's going through. Best thing is to encourage him, but don't be a crutch. Maybe you can make his healing a team effort. Great way to start is watch the diet & start moving. Then you can work on the mind. Strong body - strong mind.

I know this must be hard on you. What kind of anxiety issues is he going through. Panic? Extreme Worry?

Oh, Journaling might be good for the both of you too.

Best of luck!

All the best,
Amy

[Constantinos]

Hi,

I am 35 years old and i have been suffering from panic attacks, anxiety, for the last 10 years, though if i can recall correctly i had panic attacks since the age of 10 - 11 without knowing what i was going through. In any case, the last 3,5 years i do psychotherapy and it helped me a lot. I can not say that i am 100% confident for myself but saw a lot of improvement. In addition to that i read an article lateley that helped me lot and i am quoting this below. Believe me it is going to help you.

Panic Attacks are completely harmless. Although they look really bad, they feel like your mind is out of control, you are feeling like running and hiding from yourself, and you are afraid that you are going to die, still, completely harmless. The secret and method to overcome your problem is that "Without fear of them they cannot exist". I will quote below a part of a text that helped me a lot. Please read it and it will help you.

"In quick overview, to end a panic attack - an overwhelming feeling of fear - you have to pass through the wall of apprehension to the other side of your fear (no, this isn't some weird faith healing or new age crap). This works! I wish I could take you there by the hand myself but YOU have to do it. The trust in it working is something that goes against all aspects of our sense of survival and takes some time to really believe in. Yet IF you are experiencing a fear/panic attack I found the only way to beat it is to try to let the feeling be as worse as it wants to be. Let it be as bad as you can make it. And, because it truly IS a self-created fear, once you have made the desire to travel to the "OTHER side" of fear by letting it do its positively worse to you then ...there is NOTHING...nothing there. No fear. The other side is NO fear at all but a big smile. The moment of realization is a wonderful experience. For me, it was THEN that I realized that these "out of control" feelings were finished!

Stress is the major instigator for panic feelings. Perhaps you had realized a certain level of stress that had exceeded your ability to release it. I say, "had" because probably the event that triggered these panic attacks is over with. There are many relaxation methods for lowering stress and all of them are beneficial. Understanding your stress and learning to manage it will always help you throughout your life. However, the panic attacks were probably the culmination of that initial stress event. I don't care WHAT or HOW you arrived at these feelings - you have them and you don't like them and you want to get rid of them! Right now it's not important that your mother was mean or your father ignored you or if you are a perfectionist, or obsessive, etc. I am not trivializing your situation. Panic attacks feed off of themselves. They are a common disorder that can trouble even the most intelligent or the strongest person. They are an entire entity all in themselves. These feelings seem so powerful and they scare you. But your mind is NOT going bananas, being lost or slipping away into insanity despite your fear or your past. You are only doing what seems natural...fighting them in trying to get control over them. But you are trying to STOP FEAR! Fear is not under your conscious control. It is controlled instinctively in reaction to WHAT YOU BELIEVE! And right now you believe that you are THREATENED! Instead, you are going to accept it and let it become you and, thereby, stop the overreaction. Read on!

Probably you have suspected a myriad of potential illnesses and feared some significant health problem that your physician has not found or explained away as "nerves" or some other reference to your nervous system. If not, please visit your doctor and remove these questions! He/she may even prescribe anti-anxiety drugs that may help you to deal with your panic feelings if you need immediate results. Some medical professionals like to describe panic as a chemical imbalance that might respond favorably to medication. I tried several of them. I preferred to not use them because I didn't like the side-affects and stipulations for use. But for some sufferers medication is very helpful. However, in the absence of a real medical problem, you are, at present, afraid of the panic attacks themselves or simply put, AFRAID OF BEING AFRAID!

I have to be blunt! There is no THING causing this (unless there is a specifically identified illness, situation or event like a wild animal attacking you). It's not a place or situation or thought...not that couch or that car or that room or that strange feeling in your eyes, stomach, head, arms, or that crowded place! Not a brain tumor, not cancer of anything, no breakdown of any nerves! Only you! To think otherwise..to think that a certain room or situation CAUSES you to have the attacks...is false. Sure, I understand that when you are in a place or situation where you have felt these attacks before that you are aware of being there and fear THAT place or situation. BUT IT'S YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM being on a high state of alert. You must understand that it's coming from you! You also are exaggerating those strange feelings that you are having in your body into MAJOR significance. You are boxing in your life more and more by HIDING from these! It's NOT these places or situations or feelings, and I know that's hard to accept. But this is where you change your attitude from HIDING to "giving up"! From superstition to a rational approach!

Once you apply the attitude, "I will let this feeling of fear be as worse as it wants to be, I don't care anymore", and let it happen, let yourself go towards it and begin to believe it (the prime objective), then the truth starts to comes out. You become a little less afraid. IT TAKES PRACTICE. (Research in treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder has demonstrated that persistent practice of skills such as these can result in measurable changes in brain function without medication.) As you begin to "pooh-pooh" these fear feelings and establish the attitude of non-caring more and more you get closer to the rationale about them. Eventually you will be ready for the time when you truly try to make it worse while having a panic attack - and THAT is a key moment!

Good luck