fear_cloud
07-18-2009, 10:14 PM
im sure you are all thinking that the subject line is a little lame, but with all the things ive read, and nurses ive seen, they've never given me a definiate answer as to whats wrong with me. obsessive complusive thoughts, was the closest thing to a diagnosis that ive gotten, but i can't find anything about that.
so heres my deal.
it all revolves around my mother.
i'm 19 years old and when i sleep over anywhere, i'm always terrified about calling her, and her not answering the phone,
she can't go anywhere without me.
and i hate going places, so mostly i force her to stay home.
she has RA, so i worry about that
then for a while, if she had her cell phone and she was with my dad then i was okay, but as soon as she didn't answer once, i would panic.
then i started calling almost every 30 minutes or i would want to talk to her until she got from point a to point b.
i'm so so scared that she will disappear and i won't be able to find her.
this all started when i was in grade 6, at least thats when i remember it getting out of hand.
also, i'm starting to do the same things with my boyfriend.
i get angry when he doesnt answer the phone//i worry about him when he's not at home
he doesnt have a cell phone so it makes it so much harder for me.
and some other random things, are i constantly think about something bad happening, i must prepare myself for something bad. i have to plan out every part of my life, and i am incapable of starting anything in fear of failing what i try.
anxiety orders seem to be the thing to have nowadays, most of my friends like to boast about having some sort of panic attack, and i just wanted to shake them and be like YOU ARE FINE!
and then my one friend of ten years, who i thought completely understood why i was the way i was told me,
"i thought all friendships were like this, but they arent"
and she ended up fucking me over and now i dont speak to her.
sometimes i feel like im just some controlling little baby, who can't be away from her mommy.
but as much as i wish that i could be alone for 2 fuking minutes, i can't without worrying about worrying, if that makes sense.
anyways, i decided to join this forum to see if anyone knows at all what im talking about.
so heres my deal.
it all revolves around my mother.
i'm 19 years old and when i sleep over anywhere, i'm always terrified about calling her, and her not answering the phone,
she can't go anywhere without me.
and i hate going places, so mostly i force her to stay home.
she has RA, so i worry about that
then for a while, if she had her cell phone and she was with my dad then i was okay, but as soon as she didn't answer once, i would panic.
then i started calling almost every 30 minutes or i would want to talk to her until she got from point a to point b.
i'm so so scared that she will disappear and i won't be able to find her.
this all started when i was in grade 6, at least thats when i remember it getting out of hand.
also, i'm starting to do the same things with my boyfriend.
i get angry when he doesnt answer the phone//i worry about him when he's not at home
he doesnt have a cell phone so it makes it so much harder for me.
and some other random things, are i constantly think about something bad happening, i must prepare myself for something bad. i have to plan out every part of my life, and i am incapable of starting anything in fear of failing what i try.
anxiety orders seem to be the thing to have nowadays, most of my friends like to boast about having some sort of panic attack, and i just wanted to shake them and be like YOU ARE FINE!
and then my one friend of ten years, who i thought completely understood why i was the way i was told me,
"i thought all friendships were like this, but they arent"
and she ended up fucking me over and now i dont speak to her.
sometimes i feel like im just some controlling little baby, who can't be away from her mommy.
but as much as i wish that i could be alone for 2 fuking minutes, i can't without worrying about worrying, if that makes sense.
anyways, i decided to join this forum to see if anyone knows at all what im talking about.