New and Concerned :(

[Paige23]

I am not quite sure where to start, i haven't really spoken to anyone about this and tend to keep things to myself.

Ive been in two relationships where i think i was mentally abused first occassion he would swear at me and flirt with other girls whilst i was there, asking me if i thought they were pretty. That relationship ended with him leaving me for another girl.

Second relationship was much worse he would scream in my face swear at me, disrespect my family and lie to me so much so he would spend his money he didnt have on online games this lasted for 5 months. I become so run down that i was taken to hospital with my first horrible panic attack a few weeks later with the help of my mum and friends i left him.

Now i am in a new relationship but this time the guy is completely different he is very kind and good to me, respects me i can be myself and relax around him which is great ive even met his family and we all get on perfect, but there is this horrible feeling that im scared he is going to hurt me and don't know what to do it's like i expect the worst from him and i can see i upset him as he always tries to convince me he won't ever do anything to hurt me we have spoken about my past and he was my best friend for about 2 years and he tells me it hurts him to see the effect the previous guys have had on me.

Just recently he was out with friends and this girl tried to kiss him, he was open and honest with me told me what happened and how he told her he had a girlfriend but that phrase was enough to make me freak out to the point i was shaking and shivering my heart just started to race. I mean is there something wrong with me? is this anxiety i am really not sure what to think.

If anyone could help i would be very greatful :)

[Georgec]

Hi,

It sounds like those other boyfriends were amazingly abusive. I don't really know you but I just can't understand why anyone would go out with anyone like that for so long.

Anyway, the fact that you started to get scared and started to tremble when you heard that phrase was really an alright response. When you really like someone and they talk about another person trying to kiss them... it's not fun... Everyone has their insecurities, the trick is to try and keep them in check and always work on improving yourself and reducing them to some degree.

Those guys probably effected you to a great extent. Getting over them will be difficult if not impossible without help from friends and family. You probably feel hurt and even angry that these guys walked all over you for so long.

I think the only solution is for you to actively think about these people and think about how they effected you. Use a journal and talk about it. It doesn't seem like you think about this often even though it effects you so much. You need to lay down all your feelings and work through them.

I hope that helps. You don't have to listen to anything I said since I really don't know you too well these are just some ideas that popped into my head from what you wrote.

Thanks,

George

[smartshoppimama]

Hi there Paige,

It is very common with anxiety sufferers to expect the worst its second nature. Like for example these thoughts go through my mind all the time " Things are going so great so something really bad is going to happen". I can't help it because I am so used to people and the world letting me down. I am so bad that sometimes it seems like I almost create drama in order to feel okay and somewhat in control. But, girl don't let a good thing go!!! The number one thing to remember is that this guy you are with is not just some guy he is also your friend and has been for the past too years which means he has a genuine interest in you for you. I've learned that sometimes we just have to let go and let God. Also, I have had to take a really good look at myself and realize my true value, not what this world thinks I am worth, but what I know I am worth. I may not be perfect, but I know I have a lot to offer so if my man lets me down I know that I deserve better than that and I have the strength within me to move forward and sweetie so do you :).