Jmod
06-13-2009, 03:43 PM
I am 27 years old. I have had three serious panic attacks, and general social anxiety. This anxiety has prevented me from enjoying relationships or starting new ones. If not at work or out with friends, I find myself withdrawn and unable to focus on any kind of task.
Medication has helped in some regards, Ativan works wonders but I found myself addicted to them for 3 months and the withdrawal was the worst. Adderall seems to help but I’ve also developed of an abusive relationship with it. I find myself stealing medications from friends and family, not whole bottles, but a few of whatever is available, xanax, codeine, percocet, etc. Most of this anxiety disappears when drinking, I find I become the witty, articulate, resourceful, conversationalist I know I am capable of, however I can’t be drunk all day, can I?
I think a lot of this anxiety stems from my childhood, my parents were dismissive, neglectful, hypercritical, etc. and had problems with peers. If I encounter an asshole at work or someone who is loudly critical I feel completely unprepared and lock up.
I’m finding it very hard to work on projects I enjoy or I think will make me happy. No amount of praise or positive reinforcement from friends or colleagues seems to shake this lack of confidence.
I feel like I’m hitting a point where I have to do something about this or I will be resigning to a life of resentment. I saw a psychoanalyst for 1.5 years and tried another therapist but the co-pay payments became too much so I had to stop. I didn’t find any of these treatments particularly helpful and weren’t helping me put things in perspective.
Overall I’m doing well socially and professionally but if I need to deal with this if I’m to make any additional progress in either arena.
Any advice would be helpful.
Medication has helped in some regards, Ativan works wonders but I found myself addicted to them for 3 months and the withdrawal was the worst. Adderall seems to help but I’ve also developed of an abusive relationship with it. I find myself stealing medications from friends and family, not whole bottles, but a few of whatever is available, xanax, codeine, percocet, etc. Most of this anxiety disappears when drinking, I find I become the witty, articulate, resourceful, conversationalist I know I am capable of, however I can’t be drunk all day, can I?
I think a lot of this anxiety stems from my childhood, my parents were dismissive, neglectful, hypercritical, etc. and had problems with peers. If I encounter an asshole at work or someone who is loudly critical I feel completely unprepared and lock up.
I’m finding it very hard to work on projects I enjoy or I think will make me happy. No amount of praise or positive reinforcement from friends or colleagues seems to shake this lack of confidence.
I feel like I’m hitting a point where I have to do something about this or I will be resigning to a life of resentment. I saw a psychoanalyst for 1.5 years and tried another therapist but the co-pay payments became too much so I had to stop. I didn’t find any of these treatments particularly helpful and weren’t helping me put things in perspective.
Overall I’m doing well socially and professionally but if I need to deal with this if I’m to make any additional progress in either arena.
Any advice would be helpful.