Wow, I HATE clubs so much. I made a fool of myself..

[hysteria]

So I finally started to make friends with someone and we went to a club. It was horrible. I'm seriously asking this - why do people dance? Maybe I should say HOW do they dance so free?

I didn't move the entire time and it was so embarassing. I wanted to bury myself. I kept going to the bathroom just so I wouldn't have to stand there. I looked like a loser.

It's like I'm scared of looking weird. Now I created this image that I don't dance so if I tried to, it would grab a lot more (negative) attention.

Is that even possible to fix? :unsure:

[Robbed]

A couple of things here. First of all, unless things have drastically changed since my younger days, not everybody dances at clubs. Some people sit at the bar and drink. Some people sit at tables and just hang out with friends. Some people just stand around (even alone at times). And some people go up to the dance floor to dance. So dancing is really more of an option than a requirement. Of course, you might feel a little different about this if you go with a group of people who want to dance (but you don't).

As for how people can dance so freely, keep in mind that we are talking about a dance club here, NOT the ballet. In other words, nobody really dances that well. Take a careful look for yourself if/when you go again. Do you see any experts? Probably not. And if you do, it is more than likely just one or two showoffs. Also, remember that most people there have had a few drinks, and care little about how you (or anyone else) may look on the dance floor. And, even if you have this image of being someone who 'doesn't dance', the only people who are going to say anything if you try are your friends (hopefully, they wouldn't be TOO negative).

Then again, do you REALLY want to dance? I kind of get the idea that you DO. As for summoning the courage to go up on the floor for the first time, maybe I'm the wrong person to ask. But you might start by dancing alone in the privacy of your own home. Just put on some music you like, and see what happens. Remember that nobody has to know. As for trying to dance at a club, you might feel better trying at a different club where you are not likely to see anyone you know. Perhaps you might feel better in a club in a different city where you know nobody. Then, maybe you might feel better about dancing with your friends. Just keep in mind that sometimes, doing something different around people you know is HARDER than doing it around strangers, as they are more likely to bring it up. But maybe, it might be easier if dancing at a club is something you are more accustomed to.

[joey9]

Do you enjoy dancing? You don't have to you know. I hate it, and not only that, I do actually suck at it. Dancing is not a life skill that needs to be mastered at school like the alphabet. You are perfectly entitled to hate it, to be rubbish at it, to not want to do it, to tell your friends that you hate it. Try not to think of this as important. Don't be embarrassed to hang out at the bar, and most of all, don't feel pressured by those annoying people who think that everyone loves dancing and wants to be dragged forcibly onto the dancefloor.

[(HAWK)]

If there good friends they will not care,and who cares what other people think hell I can't dance for $##T! Just do what you think is best!

[hysteria]

Thanks. It is kind of true that not everyone dances, come to think of it. But I imagine even those people eventually get up for a bit and dance and I kept refusing the whole night till I even got to sound agressive perhaps.

Do I want to dance? I honestly don't know. I like aerobics and music when I'm at home (good for mood) but I'm too critical on myself to even attempt it or think about it in public places. It looks stupid to me.

I was going with a new "friend" who does like to dance but I got a feeling I'm not going to be asked to go out again since I'm probably not that fun. I'm already being ignored. That's what kinda stings.

Some people there were obviously on something and I seriously thought to myself, no wonder. I see where it's coming from. Alcohol is just making me dizzy and a LITTLE light headed and tired, but I'm still painfully aware of everything around me from the minute I go inside.

Going to a different club wouldn't make much of a difference because I live in a very small so it's likely I'll know people. As pathetic as it sounds, I don't really have friends to go with either...

I feel like people notice I'm just sitting there and think I'm insecure. I just don't know to be less restrained.

[Robbed]

Thanks. It is kind of true that not everyone dances, come to think of it. But I imagine even those people eventually get up for a bit and dance and I kept refusing the whole night till I even got to sound agressive perhaps.

It's not necessarily true that all those people who are not dancing eventually will. Or even that most of them will. MANY people go to clubs just to watch people. Many people just go to hang out with friends. Some like the music, but not necessarily dancing. And others just want to get drunk. I would say that, all in all, less than half of all people who go to a club actually dance.


Going to a different club wouldn't make much of a difference because I live in a very small so it's likely I'll know people. As pathetic as it sounds, I don't really have friends to go with either...

Think you would know people if you went to a different club? That's why I say it would be best to go to a different town. Nobody to go with you? That's the whole idea. Remember that, in situations like this, strangers are going to be MUCH kinder than people you know. Friends may notice the way you dance, and give you a hard time about it. But strangers generally won't.

[joey9]

This is just my point about people who love dancing - they seem to think everyone REALLY loves dancing and that they are just playing hard to get when they say they don't want to dance. They have no comprehension whatsoever about what it is like to be someone who has a different personality to them and is prone to feeling self-conscious. So you're the one who has to go away from that night feeling crap for the simple crime of not wanting to dance, as opposed to them who have been completely insensitive to your feelings and tried to pressure you into doing something you didn't want to do.

In my new spirit of Buddhist-inspired non-judgemental acceptance I would recommend that you just accept that you don't enjoy dancing in public much. This doesn't mean you won't ever - perhaps one time you will be at a club and you will hear a great song and then suddenly feel inspired to get up and dance. Or maybe you won't - either way, give yourself a break and don't try to enjoy it if/when you don't. Don't ever fight who you are. We are all different, and making ourselves try to be who we are not is a sure fire recipe for psychologial disaster.

[hysteria]

Thank you, both of you make sense.

My problem is that I can't even pull off not dancing. Because of the fact I naturally feel different and more complicated than most people, I act weird about it.

That means that a simple question like "so you don't dance?" can get an incoherent "it's too hot here" answer from me. A second later I realize and analyze how stupid I just sounded.

It's like I suffer from social retardation or something. Well, probably won't be going out for quite a while now... again.

[Robbed]

There is one thing I should ask at this point: MUST you go to a dance club with these people? Why not suggest going somewhere else instead?

[hysteria]

There is one thing I should ask at this point: MUST you go to a dance club with these people? Why not suggest going somewhere else instead?
Going somewhere else is an option, but most people my age are more into clubs. There are other places but it's not like me suggesting something would really interest someone.

That person is not really a "friend". More like an acquaintance that could be a friend. I don't think I'll make that happen because I already feel like I'm socially retarded. I'm not in a good place in my life and it shows.

She did end up returning a call but said that I need to lighten up. I even believe that comment was good natured and all, but it pisses me off. Even when I try to do "normal" things, I'm just...me. Every time I do something, I feel I'll be analyzed. Like if I looked happy then people would start thinking it's weird or fake or "good thing I made that loser lighten up".

[joey9]

Whether or not this person is worth your time and effort, you are never going to be able to make yourself enjoy doing things that you don't. And if you try to do something that makes you so uncomfortable this is going to be plain as day for everyone to see. Your fear of being judged will result in you being judged - because you will stick out far more looking miserable as though you don't want to be there than you would if you dancing was a bit rubbish but you were enjoying yourself. I have a friend who, on the face of it, has very little in common with me. She is very extraverted, completely fearless, and what's more she loved nothing better than going out clubbing every weekend. However, although I would happily spend the night with her in the pub, i never in a million years would have gone clubbing with her. She would spend the whole night on the dance floor and I hated that - so why would I bother going? If a frienship is based soley on doing what someone else enjoys it's not very equal and its not truthful. But we still have a very lovely friendship that has lasted for many many years - we are very aware of what each other likes and hates and where our common ground is. The key is being truthful with one another.

You have a fear of being judged, and just because you have this fear doesn't mean you are NOT being judged. We all judge each other all the time, this is life and I'm sure you do it too. Wouldn't you rather be judged for being yourself than for trying to appear something that you're not? By trying to fight who you are you are just entangling yourself in your efforts trying not to be that person. People who are happy with themselves are very comfortable to show people all of themselves, including their shortcomings.

[hysteria]

I get what you're saying, but I don't feel comfortable around new people anyway and that doesn't rid me of having to meet new people cause I'm obviously not happy right now.

I just don't click with anyone. I had a chance with some people from work, but that's it... now they all see I'm not "fun" enough. It makes people feel like they're above me or something.

I'm tired of hearing how I need to lighten up. How I'm too negative. How I'm doing this and that wrong. Even if I try to change that, no one buys into it.

[j22]

hey,
yeah this sounds a little familier to me, so you think people are constantly making a judgement of you or you feel like your being watched all the time?

Do you find yourself doing that to other people though?
This is like your constantly worried that ppl are analyzing you and its stopping you from being yourself because your so 'aware' of everyone around you. and like you question your every move, oh did that sound right..when you say something or you are thinking about how you are perceived by other people.

just think, who are all these other people? they are just like you, they're no better or worse, even though some people might like to think they are.
Dont feel like you have to go to a different town. why should you, be proud of who you are. I think you will be respected by your friends if you perceive real confidence in yourself.
You might feel better if you picture some of these ppl naked it might make you laugh a little but thats ok cos thats a positive thing and will releives the tension slightly and remember EVERYONE has insecurities.
Hey hope this helps you, or maybe ive got you wrong. it helps me as im typing it, probly should listen to my own advice :)