IntrospectiveLoser
05-28-2009, 10:43 PM
Hi.
Pardon the rambling for a moment.
But am I the only one who finds it slightly ironic that their is an introductory forum in a social anxiety web site?
I mean, yes of course it makes sense to have one.
It just makes me smile in a wry way.
Especially since it made me nervous to post here.
Even though I usually find forums more of a soothing activity then one of anxiety.
End rant.
I'm obviously new here.
I'm here through a long, laborious process of attempting to change my symptoms, and ultimately a desperate frustration that has left me scouring the internet for social anxiety videos and MD papers.
Treasure hunting for magical wands and instant fix pills cause I can't stand it any more.
Again, pardon the rants.
The reason I'm hear is because I'm currently feeling mentally distressed.
So excuse the unstable flow of words.
Right.
I'll try to focus.
For the sake of internet interaction, please call me Intro.
Its an online nick name that I'm quite attached to.
And I prefer it over my real name/nick names because they make me feel sick when I read them.
I'm currently sixteen years old. I've been having anxiety problems since the early years of adolescence, mainly around the age of twelve.
It wasn't really bad for the first two years.
But at fourteen I started a down ward spiral. I was severly depressed, I never spoke to peers, I did very little other the school and sleep.
And no one noticed.
Other then my cousin, who said that I always seemed very sad and different then when I was younger.
After fourteen came fifeteen, and with fifeteen left the depression and came the steady will to fight back.
However, if I magically gained internal strength, then why am I here?
Because it hasn't worked. My mother has basically told me to fend for myself. Suck it up.
I can't tell any one else about it. Because that scares me so badly I can't breath for ten minutes.
But I'm so frustrated and upset. I hate part of who I am.
Its like I was born with a drug problem. I'll wake up and realize that I didn't do my homework, even though I like doing homework, because one half of me decided that homework was scary because I could fail, and if I didn't do it at all, it wasn't my fault for failing.
I'm a dancer. I have been for six years.
And I have been stuck in the mud for two of them because I simply cannot bring myself to excel when I have to fight with this darker half I can't seem to control.
I'm fed up.
I'm miserable.
And I'm not going to stop fighting until one side or other has won the battle.
So.
Here I am tired, upset community of broken souls and minds.
I've come to join your ranks, and huddle in your help circles.
Perhaps if we can't change our own minds we can change each others.
Pardon the rambling for a moment.
But am I the only one who finds it slightly ironic that their is an introductory forum in a social anxiety web site?
I mean, yes of course it makes sense to have one.
It just makes me smile in a wry way.
Especially since it made me nervous to post here.
Even though I usually find forums more of a soothing activity then one of anxiety.
End rant.
I'm obviously new here.
I'm here through a long, laborious process of attempting to change my symptoms, and ultimately a desperate frustration that has left me scouring the internet for social anxiety videos and MD papers.
Treasure hunting for magical wands and instant fix pills cause I can't stand it any more.
Again, pardon the rants.
The reason I'm hear is because I'm currently feeling mentally distressed.
So excuse the unstable flow of words.
Right.
I'll try to focus.
For the sake of internet interaction, please call me Intro.
Its an online nick name that I'm quite attached to.
And I prefer it over my real name/nick names because they make me feel sick when I read them.
I'm currently sixteen years old. I've been having anxiety problems since the early years of adolescence, mainly around the age of twelve.
It wasn't really bad for the first two years.
But at fourteen I started a down ward spiral. I was severly depressed, I never spoke to peers, I did very little other the school and sleep.
And no one noticed.
Other then my cousin, who said that I always seemed very sad and different then when I was younger.
After fourteen came fifeteen, and with fifeteen left the depression and came the steady will to fight back.
However, if I magically gained internal strength, then why am I here?
Because it hasn't worked. My mother has basically told me to fend for myself. Suck it up.
I can't tell any one else about it. Because that scares me so badly I can't breath for ten minutes.
But I'm so frustrated and upset. I hate part of who I am.
Its like I was born with a drug problem. I'll wake up and realize that I didn't do my homework, even though I like doing homework, because one half of me decided that homework was scary because I could fail, and if I didn't do it at all, it wasn't my fault for failing.
I'm a dancer. I have been for six years.
And I have been stuck in the mud for two of them because I simply cannot bring myself to excel when I have to fight with this darker half I can't seem to control.
I'm fed up.
I'm miserable.
And I'm not going to stop fighting until one side or other has won the battle.
So.
Here I am tired, upset community of broken souls and minds.
I've come to join your ranks, and huddle in your help circles.
Perhaps if we can't change our own minds we can change each others.