atomic811
05-17-2009, 06:09 AM
I have agoraphobia and high levels of anxiety. I am not able to take medication for it as both time I have had awful experiences both with an SSRI drug and a hellish experience on a benzo then coming off the benzo was a nightmare I do not wish on anyone. These pills messed me up so bad that there is no way I would take another one.
That being said I have had anxiety for 18 years (I am now 33) recently I am having an awful time with it because my mom has colon cancer and though they think they got it all from the surgery, because it was found in some lymph glands she has to have 6 months of chemo soon.
Because of her cancer I now have to be checked at age 40 for it. The idea of having a colonscope scares the hell out of me for several reasons. The risk of colon perforation, the sedation drugs used which includes a benzo drug (I do not ever want to feel the way I did from a benzo again) I am now also scared of getting any kind of cancer.
Because of what I just went through with coming off a benzo (it caused my heart rate to be 120-140 none stop for months. I ended up in the ER several times. This heart rate lasted 24/7 among other awful things it did to me) I have to see a heart doctor tomorrow and scared of what he will say and if he will want to run anymore tests. I am scared he will want to do a cardiac cath. which involves a wire running up your leg to your heart while you are awake. I can't do that. I would faint and there is no way I could keep my body from shaking and you have to be still or it can cause a heart attack or stroke.
I have come to the awful realization that I will die someday. It is not being dead that upsets me it is the suffering before death that can happen.
I have fainted from anxiety and I also have several major phobias which include blood, needles and fainting and now medication after the events I went though.
I have no real life friends right now and my father is of no help. I really only have my mother and it scares me so much that she is ill. Once I lose her I do not have anyone and the agoraphobia and anxiety prevents me from meeting new people easily.
My anxiety causes me to throw up sometimes which makes it a bit harder to hide.
Over the past 18 years I have tried so many different things outside of medication which include meditation, religion, vitamins, different diets, deep breathing, CBT. Nothing has helped that much. It might help with the day to day anxiety, but when I am faced with major stress I can not control it nor cope and I end up getting depressed.
So anyway that is my story and just wanted to say hi.
That being said I have had anxiety for 18 years (I am now 33) recently I am having an awful time with it because my mom has colon cancer and though they think they got it all from the surgery, because it was found in some lymph glands she has to have 6 months of chemo soon.
Because of her cancer I now have to be checked at age 40 for it. The idea of having a colonscope scares the hell out of me for several reasons. The risk of colon perforation, the sedation drugs used which includes a benzo drug (I do not ever want to feel the way I did from a benzo again) I am now also scared of getting any kind of cancer.
Because of what I just went through with coming off a benzo (it caused my heart rate to be 120-140 none stop for months. I ended up in the ER several times. This heart rate lasted 24/7 among other awful things it did to me) I have to see a heart doctor tomorrow and scared of what he will say and if he will want to run anymore tests. I am scared he will want to do a cardiac cath. which involves a wire running up your leg to your heart while you are awake. I can't do that. I would faint and there is no way I could keep my body from shaking and you have to be still or it can cause a heart attack or stroke.
I have come to the awful realization that I will die someday. It is not being dead that upsets me it is the suffering before death that can happen.
I have fainted from anxiety and I also have several major phobias which include blood, needles and fainting and now medication after the events I went though.
I have no real life friends right now and my father is of no help. I really only have my mother and it scares me so much that she is ill. Once I lose her I do not have anyone and the agoraphobia and anxiety prevents me from meeting new people easily.
My anxiety causes me to throw up sometimes which makes it a bit harder to hide.
Over the past 18 years I have tried so many different things outside of medication which include meditation, religion, vitamins, different diets, deep breathing, CBT. Nothing has helped that much. It might help with the day to day anxiety, but when I am faced with major stress I can not control it nor cope and I end up getting depressed.
So anyway that is my story and just wanted to say hi.