New here, my story

[Captain Deep Breath]

I was never an anxious person. Not until my first panic attack. I definitely thought something was wrong with me that night. All i remember was that i was sitting on the couch, watching an NHL special on the NHL network. I noticed i wasn't breathing properly (or so I thought). My breathing felt shallower and shallower until before i knew it i was gasping for air at the open window. Truly thinking i was going to die right there in my living room.

I'll never really know what caused the panic attack that night. I believe it was procrastination. I'm out on my own in the big world for the first time and there's a lot of pressure on me. New responsibilities, renewing health cards, taking appointments, drivers license renewals (I went one year with an expired health card before renewing!). Little things like this can add up and they did. My mother had also got it in my head that i take hockey too seriously and that it stresses me out. But not to that point. The next time i tried watching the game in my living room I was fixated on this. What if she was right? What if i panic again? The second it started, I started to get that feeling again, anxious thoughts raced through my mind. I'm going to go crazy! I had to leave. I actually left the apartment building and took a walk. When i got back, I came back into the apartment building but the second i went to reach for that doorknob to my place, the heart started pumping and that was it. It was like there was a pack of wolves waiiting for me on the other side of that door. I had developed a panic disorder. Fortunately, I was able to get through this part of my problem. I read this book that really helped me out and learned some skills to get me through. But before that, riding the bus was hell, even simple things like watching TV was uncomfortable. You have to remember to just face your fear (if you develop one). I was one step away from agoraphobia. So remember, go in there, let the wolves have their way with you, but stay calm and you'll eventually get over it.

There are only two things i can't seem to shake off since i developed the anxiety. The panic disorder might be gone but it did leave behind the sour taste of anxiety. For months now, I've had the tight throat and the feeling that i can't swallow my food properly and that it's staying lodged in my throat. It can even be a pea sized bite sometimes. I am fixated on this and over analyzing every little sensation in my body. My top 2 fixations are breathing and eating. Unfortunately these 2 things are kind of necessary in life. We are breathing 24 hours a day so kicking the habit has been kind of tough. Every meal i eat, I'll have my glass of anti-choke water. It's really getting annoying. But then again panic and anxiety will end up changing my life for the better. I was not living well and now my body is making me pay. But I'm making the turnaround. I am 2 months quit (smoking), joined a gym, eating better. I just need help with the over analyzing! If i can shut my brain down during a meal, I'm sure it would just glide down my throat, but because I'm looking at eating like it's a complicated procedure rather than a natural instinct, i can't seem to shake it off.

The anxiety from these two problems has been so bad that i've also experienced a mix of derealization and depersonalization. Sometimes i truly think I am living a freaky a$$ dream.

Anyone have a similar experience? Thanks for listening, i always feel better when i read these forums. What helped me was comparing my symptoms to the symtoms of others. So here are mine! Keep positive and we'll be good people.

- feeling/fear of my throat closing in
- shallow breathing, needing to gasp on occasion to really feel my lungs fill with air
- out of body experience, feeling like a robot
- peoples voices sound like a foreign language/jibberish
- difficulty concentrating (directly related to the derealization)
- difficulty swallowing
- after swallowing i'll fixate on it and say ''did it go down? Am i breathing ok? did i choke? Should i take another bite?''
- dry mouth
- racing thoughts
- feel top shape when i wake up, but the second i think ''Wait a minute, don't i have anxiety?'' that's when i start feeling it and it's downhill from there
- i also sometimes feel offbalance when all the other symtoms are working together
- slight depression

And do youself a favour. Close your eyes (or stare at the pic) and listen to this. Guaranteed to calm you down a bit!

youtube dot com /watch?v=44Ycjy8DdVU

[Anais]

The shallow breathing and racing thoughts are in line with what I experience during my panic attacks. I also get very nauseated. Like you, I have never been sure what brought on my first panic attacks. They happened when I was driving and that is the only time I had them for years. More recently, they've been happening other places too and mostly when I think about my job, which is extremely stressful. It's to the point where just seeing little reminders about my job when I'm at home will trigger an attack.

[Captain Deep Breath]

The shallow breathing and racing thoughts are in line with what I experience during my panic attacks. I also get very nauseated. Like you, I have never been sure what brought on my first panic attacks. They happened when I was driving and that is the only time I had them for years. More recently, they've been happening other places too and mostly when I think about my job, which is extremely stressful. It's to the point where just seeing little reminders about my job when I'm at home will trigger an attack.

Interesting that you said that about your job. I also stress far too much at my job. But i'm not putting out fires or saving people's lives, i work in advertising. It's A LOT of work, but there's no need for me to stress about this, and that's one thing i have to change. Interestingly enough, my first panic attack happened on a Sunday night. I wish i can remember what i was thinking about as soon as it started but i can't. Was i maybe thinking of the long stressful week ahead of me? Who knows. Thanks for the reply

[Captain Deep Breath]

Damn! I almost had a perfect meal without fearing choking. Then on one of my last bites i thought "OK this HAS to be the choke bite", and sure enough i felt it stay stuck. I took a breath and was able to move on and swallow but my body still had that "OH NO!" response and i felt my heart jump.

Now the shallow breathing kicked in even though I'm not even really thinking about it anymore. God i hate this anxiety BS!

[klinsmann18uk]

I got my own problems at the moment but i can honestly say reading your post made me fell a hell of a lot better.

For a moment their reading your post and what brought on your original anxiety and panic attacks were like reading my own original experiences.

I myself had no anxiety all through childhood or my teens and was a generally healthy person, at that time i was exercising an leading a fairly active lifestyle.

Two years ago i was watching a random football match and out of no where i got butterflies in my stomach then a massive fear of dread, the heart was pounding like nothing ive felt before...i aint gonna lie i did at the time think i was having a heart attack so called the NHS helpline. Turns out it was my very first panic attack an sure would not be the last.

Two years on, therapy sessions in the bag my panic attacks are under control somewhat but the anxiety left behind is far far worse than any panic attack, i have little social activity, a fear of going outside(yet i force the issue an do it anyways) and do not feel totally comfortable unless im in my own house.

The anxiety i get even at home varies from day to day, at the moment its a sort of head anxiety which keeps me thinking about a sort of pressure in my head which leads to tension headaches all day long which makes bus journeys an long walks near impossible.

Anyways hang in there buddy its a long process but you will get rid of it in time.

[Captain Deep Breath]

Hey Klinnsman, glad i could help a bit.

I'm pretty much at the same level you're at. I don't really feel comfortable unless i'm at home. Riding the bus used to be hell, i'd get sweaty palms and anxious thoughts the whole way, and it was a half hour bus ride. Thankfully i'm a lot better on the bus now. I guess i kind of told myself, "I'm gonna take the bus, because that's what human beings do to get to a destination. It's not a rocketship, it's a simple means of transportation.

But l do have the anxiety left behind. But because this was all brought on by ONE explosive panic attack, is it panic disorder? Or is it anxiety disorder? And are they treated differently? Because since my one attack i haven't had any big attacks, just long trails of annoying anxiety. Sometimes i think of checking out meds, but i want to try to combat it on my own first. The week after my attack, i couldn't even make it through the week, I'd be leaving 2 hours early and going to the ER, convinced that i had something wrong with my throat/swallowing. Now i can make it through the week without even thinking of turning myself into the insane asylum.

[Bababasjd]

Yes I have very similar symtoms excpet the freaking chest pains!!!!! UHH. But yes last night I took my ambiem and I had another panic attack. And yes my moms voice sounded like she was speaking in a foreign language. wow intersting. I cant wait until I take xanax, it will proab change my life. Look into some medications for anxiety, speak with your doctor. Being anxious all of the time, is hard. Take care!

[brittypixi]

Some of those symptoms I get as well! The tightness in the throat, like you feel like you just can't swallow I will get usually when I get really anxious or upset and it will last for days, usually a little less than a week when I can finally start to forget about it. The shallow breathing I also have experienced, especially lately I have been having that alot and then I will start to feel like it wont go away and I really cant breathe. It really can get scary, I understand that. Unfortunately I cant offer much advice about getting rid of that but I can tell you one thing that helped me. Chamomile oil. Burning it in an oil burner and getting a bubble bath of it can really calm you down. They also sell a roll on oil for your wrists to put on at night and when you sniff it before bed it can relax you and make it easier to sleep. Best of luck!