lulaboo
02-06-2006, 05:10 AM
Hi its lulaboo and it's been awhile since I've been around here. For the most part I had been doing pretty good or at least thought I had been until over the last month or probably just a little bit longer than that. A little of it I'm sure is post holiday depression but alot more of it has been me running myself ragged in the mental sense with trying to get a job and not getting one yet. I know at this time of year it's pretty difficult to get one in the fields I'm skilled at (Retail, General Labor, Management) that has been a problem I could cope with. What I couldn't deal with recently was this little something inside that decided to throw up all this way back hurt and anger I didn't know I had bottled up.
In a way it feels like I've been really hard on punishing myself because I haven't been able to get a job yet (To spite my knowing it would be tough) Any small to big steps I've made to improve my life over the last year seems to have been nothing at all when faced with that. Add to that being really stressed out about having to be in court twice in March...
I've been hiding from alot of it all for a little while moreso being social with my friends especially for a little over a week now. I've become so obsessed with the stresses of getting a job and having to be in court, it's honestly all I can think about as well as be that upset over. I haven't been able to eat or sleep much over the past few weeks and have basically gotten back down to the point mentally that I can't deal with anything anymore. Even sticking to a simple daily routine has become difficult for me over the last week. I know I have alot of work cut out for me with dealing with the past history stuff and have pretty much decided I do need some kind of therapy to help sort it out but a problem with that is having it come up at this time, and with court in mind... There's just something in me screaming that I'm giving up just to get out of that, and common sense is arguing back there's no way to get out of court, I just need help with other issues I have. Aside from that with not having a job at this time, well I'm already guilt tripping myself about having to ask my dad for the help to see a doctor first. :cry:
In a way it feels like I've been really hard on punishing myself because I haven't been able to get a job yet (To spite my knowing it would be tough) Any small to big steps I've made to improve my life over the last year seems to have been nothing at all when faced with that. Add to that being really stressed out about having to be in court twice in March...
I've been hiding from alot of it all for a little while moreso being social with my friends especially for a little over a week now. I've become so obsessed with the stresses of getting a job and having to be in court, it's honestly all I can think about as well as be that upset over. I haven't been able to eat or sleep much over the past few weeks and have basically gotten back down to the point mentally that I can't deal with anything anymore. Even sticking to a simple daily routine has become difficult for me over the last week. I know I have alot of work cut out for me with dealing with the past history stuff and have pretty much decided I do need some kind of therapy to help sort it out but a problem with that is having it come up at this time, and with court in mind... There's just something in me screaming that I'm giving up just to get out of that, and common sense is arguing back there's no way to get out of court, I just need help with other issues I have. Aside from that with not having a job at this time, well I'm already guilt tripping myself about having to ask my dad for the help to see a doctor first. :cry: