Fideal
04-30-2009, 12:05 PM
I was diagnosed at 16 with generalized anxiety. Through the help of therapy and a low dose (0.25 mg) of Clonazepam, I was able to get back on track, back into school, and graduate high school on time. I was relatively independent, though my anxiety was at its worst in school, especially during testing situations. The fact that it was an elite private school where you were considered sub-par if you didn't have an A average did not help. However, my friends were there and I believe that played a huge role in my recovery.
In 2004 I took a gap year to ensure university wouldn't cause a relapse. I, again, was still relatively independent, applied to universities, and started in the fall.
The year went well but I fell off the wagon near the end of the school year and had to return home. A summer went by, I returned, and all went relatively well. I could walk places alone, attend class (though always a challenge), and have a normal life while coping with anxiety.
In 2007 I showed signs of agoraphobia. I was starting to black out from anxiety and that caused me to fear leaving the house. I still have not gotten past that. I was put on 150 mg of Trileptal, continued therapy, transferred universities to one that was less focused on high grades, and gave school another shot. I was completely agoraphobic for the entire year. I could not leave the apartment without my housemate or my boyfriend (who's been with me throughout this whole battle). Things did not improve and I still consider myself agoraphobic. Though I haven't blacked out in over a year, I contribute that to not allowing myself to be in a situation where I'd feel anxiety (aka outside my house!)
This obviously is a big problem. I've spent five years in university and am the equivalent of a second year student. I can't go anywhere on my own. I've tried countless medications and therapists and psychiatrists but I can't manage to get back up on my own two feet. I'm losing faith in therapy and thus have stopped seeing on as of this winter. I feel like I've heard it all before, and seeing as I started therapy in 2001, it's easy to understand why I might feel that way. I did return to the original therapist for four months, the one who got through to me in the beginning, but she changed her tactic. I suppose instead of a 16 year old new to the disorder she saw a 23 year old who needed a kick in the ass. She ended up driving me away as each session would result in me feeling too frustrating or angry with her.
So...there's a brief background! It's been a long haul, and I guess I signed up here hoping to find new tactics and opinions from people who've lived this. I've met a lot of people over the years with varying degrees of anxiety but none with agoraphobic tendencies.
In 2004 I took a gap year to ensure university wouldn't cause a relapse. I, again, was still relatively independent, applied to universities, and started in the fall.
The year went well but I fell off the wagon near the end of the school year and had to return home. A summer went by, I returned, and all went relatively well. I could walk places alone, attend class (though always a challenge), and have a normal life while coping with anxiety.
In 2007 I showed signs of agoraphobia. I was starting to black out from anxiety and that caused me to fear leaving the house. I still have not gotten past that. I was put on 150 mg of Trileptal, continued therapy, transferred universities to one that was less focused on high grades, and gave school another shot. I was completely agoraphobic for the entire year. I could not leave the apartment without my housemate or my boyfriend (who's been with me throughout this whole battle). Things did not improve and I still consider myself agoraphobic. Though I haven't blacked out in over a year, I contribute that to not allowing myself to be in a situation where I'd feel anxiety (aka outside my house!)
This obviously is a big problem. I've spent five years in university and am the equivalent of a second year student. I can't go anywhere on my own. I've tried countless medications and therapists and psychiatrists but I can't manage to get back up on my own two feet. I'm losing faith in therapy and thus have stopped seeing on as of this winter. I feel like I've heard it all before, and seeing as I started therapy in 2001, it's easy to understand why I might feel that way. I did return to the original therapist for four months, the one who got through to me in the beginning, but she changed her tactic. I suppose instead of a 16 year old new to the disorder she saw a 23 year old who needed a kick in the ass. She ended up driving me away as each session would result in me feeling too frustrating or angry with her.
So...there's a brief background! It's been a long haul, and I guess I signed up here hoping to find new tactics and opinions from people who've lived this. I've met a lot of people over the years with varying degrees of anxiety but none with agoraphobic tendencies.