I cant take it anymore, please help me! :(

[Milla]

hi,

my name is Milla, im 24, im from peru and suffer from Anxiety disorder since i was 6.
My mother suffer from anxiety and depression and as a child i had no support. My father was never there because they broke up when mum was pregnant, and mum was aways sick. My familly never held together at all!
I was always a very anxious child and always thought something horrible was about to happen, i had many panic attacks etc...
When i was a teenager somehow i got better (i always been a bit anxious) but didnd disturbed my life. When i was 19 i moved to germany and there i really felt like home, i worked, had places to go etc... then i met my husband, he's british and two weeks ago we got married. There is were my anxiety started again!
I fear something is wrong in my marriage, i dont know how to make this feeling go away. I always have a next thing to worrie about and never realx. the feeling something is wrong with my marriage, something horrible will happen, I will lose my husband because something must be wrong!
I have problems with a certain number and because we got married on that day, i think my marriage was wrong, and that will go wrong at some point! I cant sleep because i awalys have nightmares about something bad happening, i cant eat because im all the time anxious and i concentrate this in my stomach. Im so skinny now that you can acctualy see the bones showing. Im very sad. Is really annoing :(
Since I was a child i never wanted to be alone, and now i love and depend so much on my husband that i fear all the time to lose him and have to stay in a hell and probably comit suicide, so i think all the time that i will lose him, and i have to comit suicide! So i cant live my life anymore, all the time Im think about this 2 things, and im going crazy, complelty! Im 24hrs anxious, i dont have any patience to do anything, i dont know anybody in the here and the psychiatrist told me i have to control my mind because the med he give to me was just for short period and i sohuldnt take anymore. I feel that i have no support, i feel that im already dead! Im crying now because i dont know anymore what to do! even if everybody say things are fine, this make no sense for me, coz they are wrong! so I keep living every single day nervous! 3 months ago i was sure i had cancer and would die soon, than aids, than brain tumor! My OCD is back, and i feel depressed :( I dont know what to do! Please help!

I need some support because i dont think i can take this anymore, and i fear that my husband will be the one to get tired because im really a boring and annoying person :(


Please help me! please help me! please help me!

[doonbuggy]

Heya milla,

Im really sorry to hear about your story. I think on this forum you've got a really strong bunch of people who are here to support you. You seem really intelligent and clever, and you know that this is only anxiety, and your post was only a weak spot. Id suggest you read many self help treatments on these forums, and they will help you understand how to go about it.

Its sounds like the only thing that is causing a problem in your marriage is your anxiety. You've got to a stage where you are doubting yourself so much it is hard to see the truth. And that truth is that you two love each other very very much. :) And if both of you want to, and have the strength to, you will be together always! :)

I would strongly suggest the Linden Method, it may cost a lot, but i thoroughly believe that it is the best self help approach you can get, and I have used many of the approaches to help me cure my anxiety disorder. Many people can show you the door, you just have to realise you have the strength to walk through it.

Take care :)

[chrisz]

Milla,

Sounds like depression causing anxiety and maybe a little
OCD. They are all related. I would suggest you ask the doc
for an antidepressant. Lexapro would be my choice as it has
the fewest side effects. It may take several weeks to work so
you might ask the the doc for some Benzo's until the Lex kicks
in.

I wish I could take Lexapro and all would be well, but I have an
inherited PANIC DISORDER that has been controlled (for the
most part) for over 30 years with Xanax.

But I think your root cause is the depression, get rid of that
and anxiety probably will go with it.

Hoping the best for you,

Chrisz

[danstelter]

hi,


I fear something is wrong in my marriage, i dont know how to make this feeling go away. I always have a next thing to worrie about and never realx. the feeling something is wrong with my marriage, something horrible will happen, I will lose my husband because something must be wrong!


There seems to be nothing significant wrong in your marriage. From the information provided, it seems that your fear of your husband leaving is probably founded on the fact that the most important male figure, your father, left earlier in your life. Conquering this fear of people leaving would solve the difficulties you are having in your marriage.



and i have to comit suicide! So i cant live my life anymore
I need some support because i dont think i can take this anymore, and i fear that my husband will be the one to get tired because im really a boring and annoying person :(
Please help me! please help me! please help me! and you also noted you were so "skinny your bones were showing."

I am very sad to hear about your situation, but I applaud your effort to reach out and find help (everyone needs it). Basically, you are in a crisis living situation, actually multiple crises, and the best thing for you to do, and you might not want to hear this, is to seek professional help. Talk to your district's local social services, call the suicide hotline, or see a counselor immediately...your health and very life depend on it! I saw a counselor once and found it VERY VERY helpful, so I would recommend that route. You have so many things going on, and many of them are very serious. Please seek help immediately, and/or ask questions of other forum members!