Ruined relationship

[Kay_Lee]

I was dating this guy for a little over a year. I have had bad anxiety, agorphobia, and panic attacks that have progressed rapidly over the past 3 or 4 years. My immune system has also been affected with constant abdominal pain, throwing up, and getting frequently sick.

2 weeks ago I was sitting on my couch with my (ex) boyfriend and casually said "what are you thinking" I always ask this of course because I am always thinking. Out of the blue he said that he wanted to break up because I bring him down with all of my anxiety and that I haven't gotten a job in the past 4 months. I am 19 and over the past winter I've had my stomach problems severe, mono, pnemonia, bronchitis, flu, and panic attacks... so I wasnt really physically or emotionally capable of doing so. I was also taking 13 credit hours of college.

I don't understand it, after he said that he would never break up with me and just the night before said that he loved me.

With my anxiety and everything else, breaking up has thrown me completely off track. I can't hardly function, and I am constantly blaming myself and thinking about what I did wrong.

I moved to go off to college and so for the whole time I was dating him, he was my friend and his friends were my friends. Now I have nothing, and I'm upset. I ruined my relationship, I ruined my life and everything because of my physical and emotional problems.

How do I get passed something like this? My anxiety level is increased to a breaking point and I am just sick of it. Medication and talking with a proffessional for the past 5 months hasn't helped me out at all. Now I am single, alone, with only my thoughts.

[Maggie May]

Hi Kay Lee,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation! You poor thing. I just want you to know that it's not your fault. You didn't cause your medical problems and you're not a miracle worker able to fix them right away. A lot of young people are unable to be truly supportive, it's just a matter of maturity and not because you are not wonderful and don't deserve to be supported. I'm not sure how helpful my words are, I know it would be hard to believe them if it were someone saying them to me. Hell, half the time I can't figure out why any of my friends put up with me! That's just part of having anxiety, self doubt.

I'm glad you found this forum. We all understand and there is a lot of unconditional support here. You can't scare us away, we've all been where you are or somewhere else equally bad. You can't talk too much here, either, so please feel free to keep posting about how you feel.

I promise you, you have not ruined your life. I'm sure your boyfriend and his friends were awesome, but people with severe anxiety desperately need friends that totally "get it."

Which meds have you taken so far for all your anxiety and stomach stuff? I think among all of us that post regularly on here (maybe 20), at least one person has taken every single anxiety med out there. :)

Welcome, and tell us more.

Maggie

[Kay_Lee]

Maggie May,

In reality, I know that everything will be ok and that I should say its not my fault, but it's so much harder to do that when someone breaks up with you and tell you it's because of your medical problems. Because then, that is essentially saying that it is my fault.

It was just that being with my ex was the one thing that made me happy, the one thing that kept me going and motivated to get better. And now I have nothing. I am stuck in solitude in my apartment, away from my family, detached from any form of friendship, with only my thoughts.

I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel I guess anymore, instead I'm stuck in a place where noone wants to be, and noone deserves to be.

I have such self doubt and my ex breaking up with me was like the final straw. I have so little energy for anything, so my pain not only medically speaking, but physical. My jaw has become dislocated from throwing up, my stomach pain is unbearable, I can't even eat anything without the feeling of having to throw up, but I have to force it to stay down because if I throw up my jaw will be in even more pain.

I'm just so tired of really trying hard to get better in every way, but the efforts go unnoticed. I'm just seen as lazy, incompetent in regards to not being able to go anywhere by myself (because of my fear of panic attacks), and a complainer.

Well anyways, the medications I have taken are Ativan for my panic attacks and anxiety, and all of the other medications of the different class of drugs like celexa, wellbutrin, seroquel, prozac, etc etc didn't work right for me and only caused me more problems. I have taken every medication for my stomach, have taken numerous tests, which i'll get a test result in a week, but the only medication that works for me is drinking slim-fast or protein shakes instead of meals.

I guess I should say good luck with everyone else, it is really nice to have an outlet, especially since many people just don't understand and basically dont care.

One day it would be nice to get all better, but i guess you gotta take it one day at a time.... Happy valentines day :(

[kp217]

Just wanted to check and see how you were doing. I was very moved by your post. :P

[angeldoll]

Hi Kay Lee,
You are not alone in this. I am here for you. I know exactly what you are going through and I know how badly damaged you have become emotionally. I can see your tears and feel your pain. That guy is a creature of some sort...sorry to say. What was it he said?He will never break up with you? Yes! he deserves a full 10 on my CRAP-O-METER. He is a full bag of crap! I know you loved him Kay Lee but you have to let go of those who don't care for you in life. I don't pity him dear and I don't have good words to say about someone of his nature, please forgive me. I have also been through severe anxiety, depression and panic attacks coupled with life threatening diseases and if he left you because you are ill, he is not the one for you. He does not care for you. But I do. I CARE!!! Forget him. I will help you recover Kay Lee.

Don't limit your thoughts to just one guy. There are thousands of guys who will support you during the most troublesome times of your lives. There are girls who will support you in the neediest times of your lives. You are young and I know you think the world is about to end but many new good people will come your way. I am one of them. When one door closes, another opens. I have been through EXACT thing in life so I know how broken your heart is .I will support you. I will help you get through this. Don't worry too much dear, the best boys are waiting for you.

Love,
Baby Doll

[Kay_Lee]

Just wanted everyone to know that things are slowly getting better. I ended up decided to move back to my hometown away from my ex and everything that reminds me of him.

I think moving is the best choice, and when I actually do get up the courage to go out, I get complimented a lot, so it really helps.

He's still on my mind and everything just awful he did to me is in m mind... but I'm starting to be ok with it. Because he is obviously not a caring person, and just not a good human being from his actions.

My panic/anxiety is getting a little bit better, my stomach is still awful, still constantly sick with something, my blood pressure is through the roof (170/110) but, I will survive.

Thanks so much for everyones concern and comments, I really do appreciate it.

[kp217]

I am glad that you are doing better. Getting into new surroundings can help. Good to hear from you!!!!!! :D :D