12 more days until wedding..can I make it?

[SirDrums]

12 days until the big day and my anxiety is through the roof. I know that by having GAD certain things in life are going to cause a certain amount of anxiety but my wedding day? The thought of being married? The thought of being with a beautiful, loving, caring, totally committed woman? Its not the usual suspects either, I am not worried about tripping at the alter or that flowers not being right (I am a guy so… that’s not really a big concern for me). I am a little nervous about standing up there though.

My main anxiety comes from the same old thoughts, “Is she the right one?” “Do you really love her?”, “is she pretty enough”, “Will she stay the way she is or turn into a nag?” “Can you be a good husband?”, “Are you going to be like this after the wedding?”, “if you are, then what? Does that confirm that your thoughts where not just anxiety?” “You saw a girl in the elevator yesterday that you thought was pretty, see! You are a creep! You’re supposed to only think your fiancé is pretty” and they go on and on and on and on.

I have answers to these questions,

1. Yes she is
2. Yes I do
3. Most definitely
4. No signs point to that
5. I believe I can be
6. I don’t know.
7. Go to the doctor.
8. I am a guy.

The answers don’t help. And sometimes when I answer them a part of me tries to tell me it’s not true… sigh…

The doctors tell me that these thoughts are definitely anxiety educed, but my God do they seem convincing. I know I love her, I see her every single day and think she is so beautiful. I know that feeling is underneath it all it’s just that lately the anxiety seems to be totally masking those feelings, I know they are down there but they are hard to get to through all the junk. The wellbutrin and xanax I am taking does seems to help me from going into a full blown anxiety attack but they can’t shake the feelings totally. Add to it the fact that I am not getting a lot of sleep from being up late and night with my fiancé’ trying to get the house ready.

I guess my biggest fear is the possibility that these feeling may continue after I am married. The doctors say they won’t and that the anxiety is going to get worse the closer I get to the wedding. This seems so unfair, this is the one part of my life that I fantasized about being full of love and joy and peace. Instead I am going through anxiety hell. I have moments when the clouds clear. Like last Sunday. It just stopped, seemed like it needed a breather and I was able to enjoy the day with my soon to be wife, it was the best day I have had in months it seemed. I was actually excited about getting married all that day!

There are also times that it seems like a part of me is trying to get excited about being married but that good feeling is fleeting and is quickly replaced by the same old junk.

Maybe this post is not the best structured and my points may seem a bit random, but I am really just trying to reach out and say, “help I am drowning here!” They best way for me to feel better is just to be honest and throw all my thoughts out there, even the ones I am embarrassed to admit.

Please tell me one of you have been here and have had it this bad and it got better after the wedding. Sometimes its gets so bad I feel like I am using the anxiety issue as an excuse for feeling this way. This causes more anxiety!

12 more days… I can do it.. just … a little bit… further…

[Topcat]

Hello

Of course all your fears are normal, getting married is a huge step and everyone has doubts of one kind or another. No one can know if your relationship will last a lifetime but who cares its how you both feel now that matters and if you are both in love then go for it and enjoy every moment :) and who says you cant find someone else attractive just because you are spoken for? Its normal!

I bet when the day finally comes all your fears will go out the window and you will have a great day :D

[doonbuggy]

Hey Sirdrums,

I can totally sympathise with how you are feeling, and you are definitely not alone when it comes to love anxiety. Everyone dreams about how love is that perfect thing when everything is so happy and rosy and you want to spend the rest of your life in eachothers arms. Its what we learn right from an early age with all the disney cartoons portraying a happily ever after.

From what you are saying you definitely love your girlfriend. She means the world to you, and you wouldnt be fighting anxiety like you are if you didnt love her. And you would certainly not be making such a big commitment otherwise.

In my experience, I believe that because anxiety is such a painful thing, and its physical aswell as mental, your perception of love becomes distorted. Love is not a feeling. If it was a feeling, everytime you felt down, or angry because youve had a crap day at work and you take it out on your fiancee does that mean your not love? No, it certainly doesnt!! Love is a rollercoaster, its loving wholeheartedly someone for who they are, if there annoying little habits. Im sure she does have them.

And yes you saw a girl and she thought she was pretty. Your a bloke, you can think other people are attractive. You'll get an erection over them aswell.. We're visually stimulated. Does that mean you dont love her? No, because you are committed to her, you love your wife! Today is my mum and dads 25 year anniversary... And my mum has the biggest crush on Donny Osmond. It just shows that you can think people are pretty, but aslong as its just that.

Anxiety is junk, all it is is irrational thoughts, and bad news is that it will last as long as it will last.. If ask everyone on her, it takes time to train your brain into rationalising these thoughts. Its been over a year for me now, and I've been through hell and back. Im still not completely rid of it. I have bad days, but on the whole, im a thousand times better than I was. And I believe that anxiety has made me and my relationship with my girlfriend so much stronger.

Do not strive for everyday to be perfect and for there to be a quick fix, because it doesnt work like that. You know that you love your fiancee, and if she truly loves you, she will work through this with you and help you no matter what.

It will take time, but I know that you can do it. I believe in you. :)

All the best.