doonbuggy
04-06-2009, 07:16 PM
Hey all,
I've not forgotten about you guys, I keep looking on the forum to check whether everyone is OK. I've seen quite a lot of posts recently about "love anxiety". I'd like to help give people the boost they enquire so they can go on and maybe take what I say and put it to good practise. :)
First of all you need to realise the good and the bad points about this forum. The people on here are absolutely fantastic, and the support you guys give eachother is phenominal. It allows you to recognise you're not the only one and whereever you turn youve got people who care. However, as soon as you start turning to this forum for advise, then there is the risk of you using it as your life support. So no matter how many times you are looking for the answers, whether this is the 1st time you've read this or the 27th, you're getting the same advice every single time. And if you keep looking, then the anxiety eats that up aswell. You'll start saying "Well I read this last time and it didn't help me at all." Once you read this post, you have the strength and the power to never look back.
So you've had this battle going on for what seems forever... "Do I love them?" and "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with them?", with every part of your heart crying yes, but the major effects it has on your body says no!
Have you realised that everytime that you have a thought you check your stomach, or whether you feel like you meant it? Take a look on what you actually believe love is... Is love a feeling? Well if it was a feeling then surely you'd have given up by now cos you don't love them. But it's not. Before anxiety did stop loving them just because you felt a bit down, or had a bit of an argument.
Every reationship, whether its family, friends or loved ones, has its ups and downs, and the things that hold it together is love, trust and commitment. You have already shown great commitment by gritting your teeth everyday, even if you feel abolutely terrible inside.
There has to be that acceptance inside you first. You know you love them, but you had one tiny little unconcious slip up and youve gone tumbling down the anxiety route. Do you want to know what mine was? One day there was this guy who was flirting with my girlfriend, I got very jealous and vunerable, I took it out on her and then my mind started the tricks. You have anxiety, and that is it! Nothing more, nothing less, and now its all about breaking a thought pattern.
I know that when I was trying to get rid of anxiety I had so many misconceptions about love. Maybe these ring true, maybe these don't but just to point them out.
1. You don't have to think about your partner every second of the day to be in love.
2. You don't have to smile everytime you think of them.
3. Each sentence you say doesn't have to end with I love you. (Slight exaggeration but you get the point)
4. You don't have to think the same and like the same things to be in love.
There are many more, but you get the idea. As soon as you get anxious, you test yourself... And then from testing yourself and failing miserably you get even worse and you come up with totally bizarre rules. There is no miracle cure there is no time when it will just click and the birds all sing and the sky magically turns blue... Because that loves always been there. Every single step... It's the thing beyond the anxiety that can't be touched, it's the thing that is keeping you strong and not giving in to anxiety. If you believe what I'm saying then you will go on and you'll do fine. Take what I've said and use the self help techniques that other anxiety sufferers use.
I think I've written a bit too much of an essay here, I could go on forever to be honest, so many little pointers that I can share. If there's something you're seriously struggling with then dont hesitate to post. I'll try and answer as best as I can. But next time you see your loved ones, give them an extra big cuddle from me. :)
Take care :) x
Be happy!
I've not forgotten about you guys, I keep looking on the forum to check whether everyone is OK. I've seen quite a lot of posts recently about "love anxiety". I'd like to help give people the boost they enquire so they can go on and maybe take what I say and put it to good practise. :)
First of all you need to realise the good and the bad points about this forum. The people on here are absolutely fantastic, and the support you guys give eachother is phenominal. It allows you to recognise you're not the only one and whereever you turn youve got people who care. However, as soon as you start turning to this forum for advise, then there is the risk of you using it as your life support. So no matter how many times you are looking for the answers, whether this is the 1st time you've read this or the 27th, you're getting the same advice every single time. And if you keep looking, then the anxiety eats that up aswell. You'll start saying "Well I read this last time and it didn't help me at all." Once you read this post, you have the strength and the power to never look back.
So you've had this battle going on for what seems forever... "Do I love them?" and "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with them?", with every part of your heart crying yes, but the major effects it has on your body says no!
Have you realised that everytime that you have a thought you check your stomach, or whether you feel like you meant it? Take a look on what you actually believe love is... Is love a feeling? Well if it was a feeling then surely you'd have given up by now cos you don't love them. But it's not. Before anxiety did stop loving them just because you felt a bit down, or had a bit of an argument.
Every reationship, whether its family, friends or loved ones, has its ups and downs, and the things that hold it together is love, trust and commitment. You have already shown great commitment by gritting your teeth everyday, even if you feel abolutely terrible inside.
There has to be that acceptance inside you first. You know you love them, but you had one tiny little unconcious slip up and youve gone tumbling down the anxiety route. Do you want to know what mine was? One day there was this guy who was flirting with my girlfriend, I got very jealous and vunerable, I took it out on her and then my mind started the tricks. You have anxiety, and that is it! Nothing more, nothing less, and now its all about breaking a thought pattern.
I know that when I was trying to get rid of anxiety I had so many misconceptions about love. Maybe these ring true, maybe these don't but just to point them out.
1. You don't have to think about your partner every second of the day to be in love.
2. You don't have to smile everytime you think of them.
3. Each sentence you say doesn't have to end with I love you. (Slight exaggeration but you get the point)
4. You don't have to think the same and like the same things to be in love.
There are many more, but you get the idea. As soon as you get anxious, you test yourself... And then from testing yourself and failing miserably you get even worse and you come up with totally bizarre rules. There is no miracle cure there is no time when it will just click and the birds all sing and the sky magically turns blue... Because that loves always been there. Every single step... It's the thing beyond the anxiety that can't be touched, it's the thing that is keeping you strong and not giving in to anxiety. If you believe what I'm saying then you will go on and you'll do fine. Take what I've said and use the self help techniques that other anxiety sufferers use.
I think I've written a bit too much of an essay here, I could go on forever to be honest, so many little pointers that I can share. If there's something you're seriously struggling with then dont hesitate to post. I'll try and answer as best as I can. But next time you see your loved ones, give them an extra big cuddle from me. :)
Take care :) x
Be happy!