engagement anxiety - help please!

[balloon]

hi

i have read some really interesting stuff, alot of peple seem to feel the way i do but i really don't know what to do.

I suffer from anxiety and it is ruining my life. My fiance and i have already cancelled a wedding and worked really hard to make things right. She is beautiful, loving and has been really supportive. I have been seing a counsellor for about 6 months and that has been a real help. I have found out that early childhood illness and separation may be at the root of my problem.

This has all really helped and feeling much more in control I have just re-proposed to my fiance. However this has resulted in huge anxiety even though I have been feeling so sure. I love her and want a future but can't control the anxiety. I have been honest and told her but quite understandably she is finding this hard. What else can I do to help get this under control? What can I do to show her I can go through with this? Help please!

[punisher]

Hi balloon,
Are you on any meds? If you have not already, ask your therapist about a maintenance drug (Lexapro, Prozac, etc) and an as needed RX (Ativan, Xanax). Then maybe after your wedding you and your Dr. can start weaning you off.

Before you do say the "I do's", make sure you have a very long chat with your partner about your condition. Explain to her exactly what you feel, every senstation, every fear. Do not hold anything back. If you suffer from panic attacks call her when you are having one. The reason I say this is because you both need to know now if she can handle it. If this is something you are going to have to deal with for the rest of your life is she going to be there for you. You owe her (and yourself) an out before you place those rings on each others fingers. What we have is not something that everyone can deal with.

Keep us updated. I wish you the best of luck. May you be one of the lucky ones that found their true love.

[balloon]

thank you for getting back to me. i've made an appointment with my dr today. my fiance is amazing but i am breaking her heart. may i should just go for it and accept that i will always feel anxious? but how do you live like that?

[raychel]

I am also getting married. It is 6 months till my wedding and I am sooo anxious. my family and friends swear I got worse since I got engaged too but I don't feel the same. I am thinking about meds to get through the whole process. My dr. prescribed paxil but I am so scared to take them. It is hard to go through stressful times when you are already a person with anxiety. I can totally relate to you. My fiance has anxiety but it is not as bad as mine and he takes meds. He had no problem taking them. He has a hard time understanding and I feel like I am ruining our relationship now that i've gotten so bad again.

[Vicki]

What exactly are you anxious about? Getting through a wedding ceremony or a life time committment?

[balloon]

I'm not sure. the wedding day itself certainly causes anxiety but it's more commitment phobia, which is insane as my fiance is amazing. We have had a tough time as we have both suffered from anxiety and related disorders which have certainly fed into each other. But we've have wroked really hard to break free from that and all the good aspects of our relationship have floated to the fore. Despite this when I actually make a sign of commitment I am over come with anxiety and question everthing! I love and don't want to loose her but I can't help finding problems to dwell on and worry intensely about. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[balloon]

thanks guys. i feel really confident that i can go through with this. I want her and love her. I am just aware that for some reason the natural nervousness or anxiety that is associated with change seems to go through the roof for me, what ever regulates it for most people isnt there for me. So although i sit here now thinking, just go for it, I am scared of how extreme the anxiety is when it comes. I feel like i should just do it and sit through the anxiety, i can't loose her but she is so affected by this it not fair. Has anybody else got to grips with this and jumped into it?