Triggered Anxiety

[Wallicio]

Hi,
Im I have never been one to express my feelings very well but as of late have not been feeling myself and i think i may need some help.

When my partner miscarried (4months ago) i never really talked about it, never told any of my mates. the other half told all of her family, apart from my boss which i had to tell to get the time off to drive the other half to the hospital no one knows.Hit the bottle fairly hard took up smoking again and kept myself to myself. I felt this was my way of dealing with things. Then I started talking to myself, real conversations about possible outcomes to the result in the recent miscarriage. I started having partial and full body spasms where i would be thinking to myself then at the end of a conversation jerk my leg or raise my arm as an outlet for the bad vibe to go i guess. the only real release was sleep. Nobody noticed it thankfully but it never really went away fully.

More recently (last week) i went to my friends wedding. had an excellent time and was a really happy drunk. But now am having trouble remembering what happened im having flashbacks of various proportions and not going into much detail but i think i may have had a couple of panic attacks resulting in me saying wrong things to the wrong people. The tirigger is worse this time. my partner has noticed me jibbering away at myself work colleagues are beggining to look at me funny. my boss heard me having a conversation with myself. all i can think about is the wedding and what i may or may not have said. the thing is its been a week and if i was to have said something it would have come out by now but i cant stop thinking about it. the knee jerk reactions have come back and i keep going over and over things in my head its driving me crazy i just want the voices to stop. i have started slapping myself on the head, not intentionally it just comes out of nowhere. Also its like a mild terrets, i will be talking to myself in my head then a whole sentance will come out?? when i say after dinner sat next to my mrs... " I dunno, what a donut i dont know why" she replies with "what did you say?" what do i say to her?? was just thinking out loud?? im mean come on Im a normal bloke?? I shouldnt be doing this surely?

I really sound looney tune and reading through this its starting to sound alcohol related but the first trigger wasnnt and i havent touched the stuff since the wedding.

Is there anything i can take to stop me being so anxious?

Please help?
(thanks for reading i know its a long one.)

Wallicio

[Topcat]

Hi

I seriously think you need to see your GP and have some counselling to help you with the loss of your baby.

A lot of people develop a habit to help them side track from the anxiety they are feeling, sometimes when I m really stressed I count to 10 or recipte the alphabet in my head. Years ago when I was really bad I would make weird strange noises in my throat over an over again.

The fact that you recognise this problem and want to do something is a step forward in the right direction :)

Oh an stop worrying about what you might or might not have said at the wedding and accept that you may have just had a good time (it is allowed you know) ;)

[Wallicio]

Cheers Topcat.
So is it normal for me to vent this form of anxiety by slapping myself uncontrolably or gibbering to myself or bursts of words? This cant be right surely. granted for the past couple of days it hasnt been as full on as i have been distracted a little. but as soon as im not totaly into something it starts again.
Do you really think i need counselling for the miscarriage. thing is i never really talked to anyone and i can imagine that could aid the healing process. i guess with me and that kind of thing there are a lot of barriers there. alcohol fueled the emotions come out as with anyone i guess. and they are pretty uncontrollable. you think your invincible when your drunk dont you.

Without being a total donut i had to be strong for my partner, and in doing so i guess i sealed off the emotion of it. only to come out after a few too many bevvies. I feel like crawling under a stone for a few years i really do.
Im sorry im jibbering again arent i.
I dont know what questions to ask.. just any advice or guidance would be nice.
Cheers
Wallicio

[Topcat]

Hello

Well I can not say that slapping yourself and gibbering is "normal" but everyone deals with anxiety differently with a whole range of symptoms or distractions. I dont class myself as normal as I behave differently to my friends and family that do not suffer from anxiety.

I definately feel that you need to talk to a professional about these problems and the loss of your baby as this may have affected you far more than you realise.

Perhaps stay away from the alcohol as this may give you a quick high but probably makes you feel worse in the long run.

:)

[Wallicio]

thankyou topcat.
Its refreshing to get a different perspective than your own.
The Ever jibbering
Wallicio