Strange Unwanted Feeling

[Phendrix]

Hello there, I'm posting because I need to find some answers to my obessive thinking and anxiety. I also want to state that im quite alone alot of the time. Just sit in my room and play guitar, I don't really have any compatible friends for the interests I entertain myself with, I like classic rock etc. For a long time I would just smoke marijuana and obess my guitar and just rock out, totally absent to this new idea.

Now this feeling is upon me, like dwelling analyzing myself (I know im good at what I do) but this anxious feeling, I feel it all the time. I still continue smoking marijuana, I see how it causes anxiety but I also realized it can make me hyper aware of my own foolishness to even feel anxiety in the first place. For like a week, I spent drinkin crown royal and smoking dope and playing guitar, I don't drink normally like that tho. What im trying to ask anyone can link a good cause to these crazy racing emotions?

Anyways ,I began to feel like this wearing down feeling and worried about my musical future and so forth. I don't understand the madness. I must also say that I consider myself a loner but in a good sense, I mean I used to do these activities with great pride and joy. I find humour in it but I just can't shake it.


Thanks

[Fudge]

Hey Phendrix.

Firstly, I gotta ask you for a request. As much as you like and probably feel comfort in smoking marijuana, please stop. I can assure you, while it does allow you to become hyper alert to whats happening to you and around you, it is most likely the cause of your anxiety by actually giving you the ability to become so hyper focused to begin with. And while you may think you have control of it, please also know its actually a very powerful substance, which affects many specific processes of your brain. I personally have a couple friends who have been so affected by it that they've become permanently inflicted by it mentally . One now has permanent reduced brain function, while another very close friend has been showing serious signs of schizophrenia as a result of prolonged use. So please take what I say to heart. It isn't what everyone says it is... it may not be as quickly debilitating as harder drugs, but over time it can be just as serious.

Now to change the topic to a less serious one. As for your musical intentions and goals: a friend of mine who writes and and performs his own music was coincidentally telling me the other day that the most rewarding and freeing moment he's had artistically was when he stopped focusing on music as if he had to do it to become financially successful at it. Funny thing is, over a good 15 year span of knowing him, he only now released his first CD publicly after realizing this and while altogether finding a career in another field. I guess for him, he got caught up in what he intended music to be that he got away from what music really meant to him. It was only until he left his intentions at the door that he actually began progressing to a greater degree. And to think he's actually getting a lot of great feedback so far.

:D