rampagerose
03-18-2009, 08:59 PM
Does anyone get completely uncontrollable rage with their depression and anxiety bouts? Not to give TMI but I find my depression is always manageable except once a month, with PMS, to the point where every single month for about three days I feel like I might just finally commit suicide. The holding back part is that I'm aware enough to know WHY I feel that way, so I do everything I can to keep myself reigned in until the time passes.
In the meantime, however, I get this huge rage billowing up inside me and because of it, I don't have a lot of friends. I have an ability to be unseemingly cruel and I always seem to know exactly how to drive a knife into someone's emotions to completely crack them up. People hate me. I'm rude. I'm completely horrible! Yet when I have more control over myself at other times of the month, I can be a good and helpful person. I just don't know what the heck to do. I feel paralysed by it because for three days out of the month I'm so depressed and violent I'm basically useless and I have to stay on sleeping pills to keep me zonked the whole time so I don't ruin the very few relationships I have.
WTF do I do with myself?
In the meantime, however, I get this huge rage billowing up inside me and because of it, I don't have a lot of friends. I have an ability to be unseemingly cruel and I always seem to know exactly how to drive a knife into someone's emotions to completely crack them up. People hate me. I'm rude. I'm completely horrible! Yet when I have more control over myself at other times of the month, I can be a good and helpful person. I just don't know what the heck to do. I feel paralysed by it because for three days out of the month I'm so depressed and violent I'm basically useless and I have to stay on sleeping pills to keep me zonked the whole time so I don't ruin the very few relationships I have.
WTF do I do with myself?