When I get depressed I feel like killing myself.

[joshesmama]

So, sometimes I eat too much or not enough. And sometimes I sleep too much or not enough. Then I also feel hopeless and worthless. I also have a tendency to get moody and get anger outbursts. So I start thinking about committing suicide and stuff. Then I think about what the best way to commit suicide would be because I would not want to mess up and live. Also, if I did live I might have like weird complications from trying to kill myself. And, that would suck. So, I usually plan on a couple different things at the same time. Like I think about overdosing on OTC medications, then slitting my wrists, right before I hang myself. That way I would be sure to die.

[ICanBeatThis]

hey, your not alone. i think everyone wants to kill themselves at one point in there lives, sometimes more then once. i know i'm just a strange on the other end of a keyboard but dont kill yourself, theres too much to live for, even if life is terrible it always gets better in the end.

try not to think about how your going to kill yourself as that will just encourage the idea that you want to kill yourself.

p.s. for this next bit i am not trying to encourage anything but: do not try kill yourself by taking medication, especially OTC's youll just end up sick and needing your stomach pumped so youll live.

[SmackSmash]

I know where you are coming from. I have been living with this every day for three years now. I still cannot sleep or eat all that often, but I have manged to abate my suicidal ideation. It used to be that whenever my mind would wander, it would always lead to planning my death. It is a terrible place to be. I found that by implementing simple CBT techniques I could reduce the urgency of this need to find an end to my suffering. It isn't easy,
it took me over a year of constantly reassuriong myself, but it is possible. Only now, for the first time in my life, do I feel that I can confidently talk about my problems.

In essence, what I would advise is this;

Whenever you feel these strong, self-depricating emotions, try to look at yourself in the way that other see you. Most importantly, understand that other people have esteem issues and a low self value, and tend to judge themselves against people that they know, in the same way that you do. The difference is that most people can see the differences and evaluate them logically, whereas we (even if we have very logical minds; I myself studied physics at a masters level) tend to feel all the possible negative emotions that could arise from any situation and allow it to influence our psyches. DO NOT GIVE IN TO YOUR BRAIN! By countering your negative thoughts immediately with logical conclusions, you can slowly regain a sense of perspective.

Unfortunately, I know these words may fall on deaf ears. In a depressive state, it is impossible to break from the normal thought processes. I have been registered here for probably 5 months, but have never posted much to aid others simply because of my condition.

I feel that I could wtite a thousand pages on this so I will stop now. Just remember, no matter how bad things get, there is always a chance to find something to live for.

[DDiaz]

I believe that the reason that a person thinks of killing themselves, yet doesn't actually go through with it, is because you are looking for a way to stop the suffering. That is really what suicide would give you an end to the misery. Usually, if depression lasts for very long, and doesn't go away, you start to look for ANY way out. Its un-natural to be feeling so awful.

If you really could believe that there was a way to feel different, even just a little bit, a you would stop thinking about suicide. If you could have hope, even just a little, it would make a difference, doesn't it?

Have you ever heard that Edison tried to invent the light bulb, like 900 times? And then finally, after so many failures, he did it. The way to healing is to persist in knowing there is an answer out there somewhere.

Best wishes to you.

[Dukie]

I have thought of what would happen if....
-I jumped off this balcony
-I opened this car door and fell out
etc

And then I remember that I am TERRIFIED of death. (And even typing this I laugh).

Sometimes I stand in the shower not wanting to do it, deal with life, then I think of my dog, she doesn't eat when I'm gone, she pees all over the house (and these thoughts make me cry), she is my child....and I can't leave her alone, other people have abandoned her 8-9 times in her 10 years of life.

She gets me through it.

So my advice, find something to live for, because I know there's a reason out there.

[brokeninhalf]

Almost every night i still wake up in anxiety (for 3 years now) and wake up in the middle of 3am and feel so depressed, think of suicide. There are time like you thinking of the possibility of ending the life.. I think in my case, i m upset with my previous manager make my life in a living hell.. In a way, the dead wish seems like a hope (indeed, it wasn't).

Now, i think when i have this thought, i will either continue depress, or try to go back to sleep, or come to this forum or pray. But i find that praying can help me pass my pain easier. Also I try to change the behavior using CBT as well. Keeping my life busy seems to be the best way to get my sleeps.