yogi
02-15-2009, 12:00 PM
Had this in the welcome section but decided to post it here instead, hope thats okay (mods feel free to close the other one).
Hello, im a 24 year old male from the UK.
This is my story, please read and comment.
My anxiety started at the beginning of last summer when I was on holiday, after a heavy weekend of drinking and a bad hangover the next night, while eating alone in the appartment I swallowed piece of food, which went down the wrong way, making me choke a little bit (nothing serious though) for some reason after this I descended into mad panic, thinking the food was somehow still lodged there (despite being able to breath properly etc) and that anything I ate would build up on top of it (ridiclous I know, but I think my brain was just so messed up from the alcohol - I had a similar incident days earlier while coming down of marijuana - which I haven't smoked since and wasn't really a regular user).
I simply couldnt calm down, I paced the room close to tears. As I was in another country and couldnt tell anyone about this It went on for days.
I felt I had to be around people, and then when I did, I felt I had to get away. It was horrible. I was panicing about the prospect of panicing. My heart was beating out my chest, I was hysterical.
I went home for 2 weeks before returning the the foriegn country. Where I gradually managed to calm down - I was still a wreck when I got home.
I never took anything heavy for the anxiety (except propanolol sometimes).
I hope with perhaps some counselling and this site I can get to where I was before. But the fact that it happened has left me ill at ease almost constantly since, the only time im fine is those times in social situations where I can forget that it actually happened.
Thats the thing right there, it made me question my mental health. Now although I dont panic about semi- rational things (if there is such a thing) like social situations. What I panic about (although it is rarely full blown, I am exhausted) is my mental health. I was scared that this meant that I was going crazy - that I could all of a sudden go schizophrenic or something.
I began to worry that I would descend into madness, would start hearing things etc. Ive always had a little degree of OCD, not to the extent it interfered with my life - just that way that I thought if I said certain things in my head, bad things would happen (i.e Karma - sounds crazy I know) - so there I am trying to repress thoughts etc. I feel if I just did some exercises with a counseller etc, where I could just let my thoughts go (I dont have any unprovoked bad thoughts, or dillusions, I just repressed my thoughts in case I do - its hard to articulate - just like my OCD might give me them to mess with me/test me kind of thing) I would realise that theres nothing to fear, but I dont know.
I won't feel panicky - then my OCD personality will rack my brain for something that isnt there, like dillusions, which I dont actually have - weird like im trying to create them.
So basically im in a state where im scared of my brain, scared to think, incase I go nuts, if you get what I mean - incase I make up some character in my head etc. It sounds stupid I know, but If I could see someone about this kind of thing, my anxiety would be gone.
Theres been periods where except at night (when im alone with my thoughts) that im fine. But the last few days as long as I remember that I have anxiety, im in a constant state of ill-at-ease.
Really long post, again im sorry.
Hello, im a 24 year old male from the UK.
This is my story, please read and comment.
My anxiety started at the beginning of last summer when I was on holiday, after a heavy weekend of drinking and a bad hangover the next night, while eating alone in the appartment I swallowed piece of food, which went down the wrong way, making me choke a little bit (nothing serious though) for some reason after this I descended into mad panic, thinking the food was somehow still lodged there (despite being able to breath properly etc) and that anything I ate would build up on top of it (ridiclous I know, but I think my brain was just so messed up from the alcohol - I had a similar incident days earlier while coming down of marijuana - which I haven't smoked since and wasn't really a regular user).
I simply couldnt calm down, I paced the room close to tears. As I was in another country and couldnt tell anyone about this It went on for days.
I felt I had to be around people, and then when I did, I felt I had to get away. It was horrible. I was panicing about the prospect of panicing. My heart was beating out my chest, I was hysterical.
I went home for 2 weeks before returning the the foriegn country. Where I gradually managed to calm down - I was still a wreck when I got home.
I never took anything heavy for the anxiety (except propanolol sometimes).
I hope with perhaps some counselling and this site I can get to where I was before. But the fact that it happened has left me ill at ease almost constantly since, the only time im fine is those times in social situations where I can forget that it actually happened.
Thats the thing right there, it made me question my mental health. Now although I dont panic about semi- rational things (if there is such a thing) like social situations. What I panic about (although it is rarely full blown, I am exhausted) is my mental health. I was scared that this meant that I was going crazy - that I could all of a sudden go schizophrenic or something.
I began to worry that I would descend into madness, would start hearing things etc. Ive always had a little degree of OCD, not to the extent it interfered with my life - just that way that I thought if I said certain things in my head, bad things would happen (i.e Karma - sounds crazy I know) - so there I am trying to repress thoughts etc. I feel if I just did some exercises with a counseller etc, where I could just let my thoughts go (I dont have any unprovoked bad thoughts, or dillusions, I just repressed my thoughts in case I do - its hard to articulate - just like my OCD might give me them to mess with me/test me kind of thing) I would realise that theres nothing to fear, but I dont know.
I won't feel panicky - then my OCD personality will rack my brain for something that isnt there, like dillusions, which I dont actually have - weird like im trying to create them.
So basically im in a state where im scared of my brain, scared to think, incase I go nuts, if you get what I mean - incase I make up some character in my head etc. It sounds stupid I know, but If I could see someone about this kind of thing, my anxiety would be gone.
Theres been periods where except at night (when im alone with my thoughts) that im fine. But the last few days as long as I remember that I have anxiety, im in a constant state of ill-at-ease.
Really long post, again im sorry.