Alleeycat
02-14-2009, 11:20 AM
I am new here ... I guess I will explain my story to you in hopes that someone here understands what I am going through. I have done alot of stupid things in my life that I am definitly not proud of that has lead me to this point. I worked at a bar for 6 years . During this time I smoked marijuana on a daily basis with nothing but joy from it . Never felt paranoid or " weird " , just relaxed and giddy. Well I am sure we have all heard the gateway drug effect but I knew that would never happen to me .... untill one day it did. I tried cocaine one night at the bar and actually enjoyed it . Started using it once a week at the bar for about 4 months. Up untill this point I didn't even know what anxiety was, I figured it was somethign that worrisome people felt and that was definitly NOT me ! Little did I know I suppose....
One day after a night of some real hard coke binging I came home and smoked .... took a walk to get something from the store a block away. Upon entering the store I felt a strange sense of fear waiting in the checkout line. I remember vividly my head feeling light and my hands becoming sweaty. My heard started pounding alot harder than normal and I could almost hear it pounding in my ears. I felt nervous in line as if it couldn't go any slower! I needed to escape this prison of a line and why the hell is everyone staring at me . I must be acting crazy , they know I am high , something is seriously wrong right now !!! I remember casually putting my stuff down and walking out as quickly as possible. Hell if I was going to pass out I definitly did not want to make a scene and end up in jail !
Upon leaving the store I walked half way back and I started feeling like my chest was going to explode. My vision became blurred and I felt an overwhelming sense of doom. I was dying ... I did too much cocaine and was going to have a heart attack ( thing was I barely did any since I was always afraid of doing too much ) I remember laying in the grass worried a cop would drive by , but also thinking maybe I should knock on some random persons door and ask them to take me to a hospital. I was in fear for my life. I ended up going home and laying down , feeling uncomfortable the rest of the day untill I fell asleep ....
After that day I have felt anxiety .... I continued to smoke marijuana for another year problem free and had no panic attacks. Out of the blue then one day I had another panic attack when smoking. And from that point on every time I would smoke I would have a panic attack. Since this time I have given up all drugs and only drink once in a bright blue moon. I guess it was a blessing in disguise to be honest , but now that I am on the healthy track I still feel some small anxiety symptoms...
When I am out and about sometimes I feel like my head is heavy , or a slight tension in my chest. It never escalates beyond annoying but I am wondering if this is anxiety or just symptoms of me quitting smoking ciggarettes... Do these feelings go away ? I do not have the money for expensive therapy and definitly dont want to get on addictive anxiety drugs I have to take for life. I am sorry this post is sooo damn long I just felt I had to get this off my chest and tell someone
One day after a night of some real hard coke binging I came home and smoked .... took a walk to get something from the store a block away. Upon entering the store I felt a strange sense of fear waiting in the checkout line. I remember vividly my head feeling light and my hands becoming sweaty. My heard started pounding alot harder than normal and I could almost hear it pounding in my ears. I felt nervous in line as if it couldn't go any slower! I needed to escape this prison of a line and why the hell is everyone staring at me . I must be acting crazy , they know I am high , something is seriously wrong right now !!! I remember casually putting my stuff down and walking out as quickly as possible. Hell if I was going to pass out I definitly did not want to make a scene and end up in jail !
Upon leaving the store I walked half way back and I started feeling like my chest was going to explode. My vision became blurred and I felt an overwhelming sense of doom. I was dying ... I did too much cocaine and was going to have a heart attack ( thing was I barely did any since I was always afraid of doing too much ) I remember laying in the grass worried a cop would drive by , but also thinking maybe I should knock on some random persons door and ask them to take me to a hospital. I was in fear for my life. I ended up going home and laying down , feeling uncomfortable the rest of the day untill I fell asleep ....
After that day I have felt anxiety .... I continued to smoke marijuana for another year problem free and had no panic attacks. Out of the blue then one day I had another panic attack when smoking. And from that point on every time I would smoke I would have a panic attack. Since this time I have given up all drugs and only drink once in a bright blue moon. I guess it was a blessing in disguise to be honest , but now that I am on the healthy track I still feel some small anxiety symptoms...
When I am out and about sometimes I feel like my head is heavy , or a slight tension in my chest. It never escalates beyond annoying but I am wondering if this is anxiety or just symptoms of me quitting smoking ciggarettes... Do these feelings go away ? I do not have the money for expensive therapy and definitly dont want to get on addictive anxiety drugs I have to take for life. I am sorry this post is sooo damn long I just felt I had to get this off my chest and tell someone