rampagerose
02-11-2009, 03:17 PM
I suppose this is the main reason I'm seeking help in others. I can't seem to find employment --or rather, to make myself seek employment. I am a website designer by career. I took two years of school and aced it. I've studied it personally for over seven years. It is my passion and something that really brings me joy to do.
However, I cannot seem to handle working in an office situation. I have my biggest troubles dealing with clients, but usually because of the work I've done in the past I know how to calm myself and make things work with them. I do have a major tendency to stutter when in person with clients, but if I'm just on the phone I usually do okay.
What I can't do is get myself out of bed, off to work, and staying there a whole day. I'm confident in my abilities as a designer. I know what I'm good at and what I need to work on. I know that I deserve a good job and that I can work hard enough to move up in my career quickly. But when working at a top web firm, I can't seem to get my anxiety to calm down fast enough for everything to go smoothly. (Generally speaking.) I only have a maximum of 5 minutes to pause myself, breathe slow, and talk myself down from the panic. Usually I end up crying in the washroom or horribly shaking. Having a limited time to calm down makes me panic worse because of the pressure to return to my work quickly. As this continues, my energy levels drop and my creativity lags, so then my work performance goes to hell.
I quit my last job because this summer was another near-death experience for my mother and I had a lot of remaining anxieties and fears about leaving her alone in the house while I was at work. Eventually it got so bad that I was unable to leave the house and worked from home for a short time before the company said that they could not allow me to do that any longer and I had to come back into the office or quit. I quit.
I am $6000 in debt with student loans. I have to pay for my Internet and my cellphone (which is now around $500). My mom can't work and she has no money, so between us we live on the charity of our family and $600 a month in welfare. I want to be a good daughter. I want to help my family so that they don't ever need to go without. When I am confident and well, I am able to go far. I have the talent and the drive. I am roadblocked by my own mental inbalances and I just don't know where to start to get back on track and MAINTAIN it.
Previously I had kept a job for over a year, but I was abused by my boss and eventually quit to save my sanity.
I'm at the end of my rope, really. I just don't know where the hell to begin or how I'll manage any type of job at all. Even if I just got a part-time job at a mall or a shop somewhere, it's the constant people that make me mess up at it and quit or get fired.
However, I cannot seem to handle working in an office situation. I have my biggest troubles dealing with clients, but usually because of the work I've done in the past I know how to calm myself and make things work with them. I do have a major tendency to stutter when in person with clients, but if I'm just on the phone I usually do okay.
What I can't do is get myself out of bed, off to work, and staying there a whole day. I'm confident in my abilities as a designer. I know what I'm good at and what I need to work on. I know that I deserve a good job and that I can work hard enough to move up in my career quickly. But when working at a top web firm, I can't seem to get my anxiety to calm down fast enough for everything to go smoothly. (Generally speaking.) I only have a maximum of 5 minutes to pause myself, breathe slow, and talk myself down from the panic. Usually I end up crying in the washroom or horribly shaking. Having a limited time to calm down makes me panic worse because of the pressure to return to my work quickly. As this continues, my energy levels drop and my creativity lags, so then my work performance goes to hell.
I quit my last job because this summer was another near-death experience for my mother and I had a lot of remaining anxieties and fears about leaving her alone in the house while I was at work. Eventually it got so bad that I was unable to leave the house and worked from home for a short time before the company said that they could not allow me to do that any longer and I had to come back into the office or quit. I quit.
I am $6000 in debt with student loans. I have to pay for my Internet and my cellphone (which is now around $500). My mom can't work and she has no money, so between us we live on the charity of our family and $600 a month in welfare. I want to be a good daughter. I want to help my family so that they don't ever need to go without. When I am confident and well, I am able to go far. I have the talent and the drive. I am roadblocked by my own mental inbalances and I just don't know where to start to get back on track and MAINTAIN it.
Previously I had kept a job for over a year, but I was abused by my boss and eventually quit to save my sanity.
I'm at the end of my rope, really. I just don't know where the hell to begin or how I'll manage any type of job at all. Even if I just got a part-time job at a mall or a shop somewhere, it's the constant people that make me mess up at it and quit or get fired.