Introduction / Vent / Seeking Hope

[Planet]

Hi. I am 26 year old female. I started getting panic attacks when I thought I had almost died from an accidental drug overdose in June. Since then I have gotten them sporadically until December, where I got them nonstop for 30 + days. I haven't had a full blown panic attack (I was getting them 3-4 times a day for a month) since about mid January, but I am a depressed, nervous mess. I left an abusive relationship, and was forced to leave graduate school at the same time. I was trying to restart my life, when the accidental overdose happened. After the 30 day panic incident, I went running home to my parents. I can't deal with anything anymore. The simplest frustration horrifies me. I am so obsessed with what happens when you die. It seems like everything is pointless. On the plus side I have become healthier as far as habits (no more partying). On the negative, I am completely anti-social (I have maybe 3 friends I can talk to who don't stress me out), self absorbed with what is wrong with me, and helpless. I used to perform on stages without any fear. I used to be a social butterfly. I gave oral arguments in law school with just a little nerves. Now the idea of going to 7-Eleven is either exhausting or scary. I got scared in a storage facility today (moving) because there wasn't any windows. And I get very upset that people don't give me a break and stop frustrating me. My brain is so tired. I don't want to think anymore. I got prescribed lorazepam but it doesn't help, just makes me feel more out of control. I haven't taken it in awhile. And I haven't even had an attack in a while. I just feel certain something must be seriously wrong, and even if it's not, eventually it will be. I want out of this horrible feeling. Any suggestions?

[Planet]

Wow I just read some of the posts. I feel exactly like many of you. I should also say the drug overdose was a depressant drug, I only took 4 thinking they were children's headache medicine, although, ironically, started doing drugs after the panic attack. I started drinking alot to try ot manage it. It didn't work. I don't drink at all anymore, and am scared of drugs. I tried Chantix to quit smoking and that was awful. I just hate drugs in general. I hope I don't have to be on them to manage this. I ordered a book called Peace Through Nervous Suffering or something that has gotten good reviews. The only thing I could focus on was that the author is dead, but I am still going to read it. It's so scary to feel like this. Looking back though, I have had boughts of depression, and have always had obsessive thinking. I just have broken down.

[northstar]

hi planet, welcome to the forum! :)

reading your post i am really not surprised that you are feeling so bad, it sounds like you've been through a hell of a lot, you must be worn out and exhausted! i'm really glad for you that you have your parents to move back in with for a while and that you're being supported and taking the break that you need to get better, it sounds like a good idea. i am also not surprised that you feel antisocial and you're only talking to a few people because of how stressed you feel, it's just too exhausting dealing with others when you're so tired out and unwell.

the cycle of stress is a hard one to get out of. fortunately you're now in a supportive environment, out of that abusive relationship, and can begin concentrating on feeling better again. there are a whole load of things that you can begin to do now to help yourself get better, starting simply with just being good to yourself. remember how much you've been through, it's ok to feel bad, i wouldn't call you self absorbed at all, don't allow your critical voice (we all have one lol) to tell you things like that, be understanding and compassionate to yourself - would you call anyone else who had been through the same thing self absorbed? i certainly wouldn't! how would you help a loved one of yours who was going through the same thing? - now try to apply the same thoughts towards yourself :)

so coming from a feeling of compassion for yourself you now need to start doing the kinds of things that will help you to feel better. it's great that you've spoken to your doctor, but i'm sorry to hear that the meds aren't helping - you're not alone with this problem. most i've seen on the internet talking about meds are frustrated and unhappy because they're not working they way they thought they would. i believe that this is because meds usually only target a symptom of the problem, they don't actually work on solving the root of the problem. in your case i believe that the root is you've been through soooo much that your body is just incredbly stressed out and just needs some TLC to start feeling better again :)

there are lots of things you can do to help yourself to start relaxing and chilling out again. you might like to speak to a counsellor for a couple of sessions to begin dealing with the mental stress of the near death experience and the abusive relationship. therapy is enormously helpful for getting things off our chests, allowing us to accept our problems and then starting to deal with them. i highly reccommend it lol. it helped me out a lot.

you also might like to start taking a yoga or meditation class, or even doing some meditation at home (might be fun to do it with your mum if she likes that kind of thing lol) to help calm your mind and put you in a more peaceful space.

then along with dealing with the mental stress you also need to deal with the physical stress of it. at this stage your body is probably totally worn out! stress takes a big toll on us physically, and often we are not aware of this. so starting by taking a vitamin B supplement (it's great help for a stressed out nervous system), start getting some exercise in (it'll give you a boost of feel good hormones naturally) and eat healthily (avoid anxiety irritants like sugar, alcohol, coffee, tea, sodas and too much refined carbohydrates).

i've actually written another post that goes into more detail on the kinds of things that you can do to help with anxiety here: http://www.anxietyforum.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4087 you might like to have a look through it and start working on some of the things in there yourself :)

ok i don't want to turn this into another huge post lol so i'll finish up! basically i think you're just stressed out to the max and you'll feel better in no time if you start working on yourself. i really hope this helps a little and that you begin feeling better, please do let us know how you're doing :console: