I hate how I've never been treated the way a daughter should

[help_me]

be :(

Im a girl and Im also the youngest in my family but I haven't been treated as if I'am

my parents want me to get a boyfriend and they also wish I would leave home and get a life of my own. It's so unfair because no other girls get this said to them.

When I was little my parents used to talk to me about when I grow up and how I will have my first kiss

My dad also swears at me

my parents never say oh they grow up so fast like all the other parents in the world do :(

I get told to grow up constently

all the other fathers in the world never want there daughters to grow up or leave home and it's so alful for me that my dad wishes that I would leave home

I hate how Im not wanted by anyone :(

[Robbed]

all the other fathers in the world never want there daughters to grow up or leave home..............

Don't bet on it!!! Situations like yours are not nearly as rare as you believe them to be. My mom, for instance, was also the youngest in her family. But although her situation sounded less extreme than yours, she would certainly tell you that he was not 'treated the way a daughter should'. And things can be similar for sons, as well. Indeed, out there in the real world, there is a continuum when it comes to the way that parents treat their children. You literally have everything from the Brady Bunch to mommy dearest and beyond.

Of course, none of this excuses your parents from being the way that they are. But unfortunately, there is really nothing you can do about it. Your parents are the way they are. And there is probably nothing you can do to change this. For instance, I am sure that even if you tried to be the way your parents would like you to be, they would just find something else to give you a hard time about because it is in their nature to do so. All that you can really do at this point in time is try to spend as little time as possible around them, and spend more time around more supportive people. And unfortuately, your best bet is probably to do precisely what they want you to do - leave home ASAP.

[help_me]

I don't want to live on my own :(

[Topcat]

How old are you?

[help_me]

22

[Topcat]

Well my daughter is 13 and I am always telling her to grow up I think it something a parent says, and at 22 you are grown up, your an adult now maybe your parents are hoping you will make a life of your own because that is the next step to take rather than you thinking they are trying to push you out.

[Robbed]

Well my daughter is 13 and I am always telling her to grow up I think it something a parent says, and at 22 you are grown up, your an adult now maybe your parents are hoping you will make a life of your own because that is the next step to take rather than you thinking they are trying to push you out.

I somehow don't think that her parents have her best interest in mind. It sounds like they never liked her, and want her out. Unfortunately, they have neither given her the skills and support, nor instilled within her the confidence that she needs to make this an easy transition. And unfortunately, I don't have the answers here, as I know personally that getting over an anxiety disorder is actually MUCH, MUCH, MUCH easier than dealing with issues like this. In my case, my anxiety disorder gets better by the day. But self-confidence still eludes me as much as ever.

[FunPie]

I am going to say something that probably won't be popular, but I can relate because I've suffered from major depression (and anxiety, which many times go hand-and-hand), and have known people that have it too, is that depression is a self-absorbed disease. "I, I, I, I..." seems to be the first word in many of the depressed's syntax.


A major factor to depression is a feeling of not being accepted. Many people who are depressed crave acceptance, but when you sit down and talk to these people, a lot of them haven't done anything to deserve that acceptance. I know, I used to be one of them, and knew many of those types of people personally. If I sound harsh, don't forget that most of us, if not all of us, judge others based on their accomplishments and finished goals, what those individuals have done. It is amazing that many of these exact depressed people will judge others on the same merits they hate being judged on. Freaking amazing. Many people can see through this hypocrisy, thus driving more people away from the depressed \

So forgive me when I say I can understand exactly where your parents are coming from, at least with who the idea of you moving out. They still love you, they just want you to become independent, something that is vital to any contributing member of society.

It wasn't until I faught my depression and pursued college degree, started adding the word "You" in the beginning of my sentences (a little empathy goes a long way), was when I no longer became a dissapointment to my parents, and a lot more people started to accept me.

Is that fair? Should people be judged based solely on their accomplishments? Maybe not. But that it life, people in general don't want your mere presence or existence, they want you to accomplish something, whether it is moving out, a car, pursuing phlanthropy, or even developing an inflated ego (not recommended). Just do something, anything, but wallow in self-pity. \

[Topcat]

I dont see the words "abused" "abandoned" "beaten" "starved" in the post, most us can say there was something about our childhood we didnt like and a lot of anxieties are caused from our childhood but I dont actually see any hardship from any of the statements below, at 22 it is time to be independant. If everyone felt sorry for themselves because of parents saying these things to us at some point in our life then the population of the world would be depressed.

my parents want me to get a boyfriend and they also wish I would leave home and get a life of my own.

When I was little my parents used to talk to me about when I grow up and how I will have my first kiss

My dad also swears at me

my parents never say oh they grow up so fast like all the other parents in the world do

I get told to grow up constently

all the other fathers in the world never want there daughters to grow up or leave home and it's so alful for me that my dad wishes that I would leave home

I hate how Im not wanted by anyone

[Robbed]

A major factor to depression is a feeling of not being accepted. Many people who are depressed crave acceptance, but when you sit down and talk to these people, a lot of them haven't done anything to deserve that acceptance.

You're forgetting something here. Generally, the lack of acceptance by others predates any depression and/or anxiety. It is this alienation by others that causes stress, which can lead to depression/anxiety. Also remember that this most commonly begins in childhood, where such things as accomplishments are really pretty irrelevant. Most often, this alienation results from a lack of social skills and/or just being 'different'. But regardless of how it gets started, it VERY strongly shapes the way that you feel about yourself and others, and in a VERY negative. This is EXTEMELY difficult to overcome. Especially when real help just does not exist.

[FunPie]

A major factor to depression is a feeling of not being accepted. Many people who are depressed crave acceptance, but when you sit down and talk to these people, a lot of them haven't done anything to deserve that acceptance.

You're forgetting something here. Generally, the lack of acceptance by others predates any depression and/or anxiety. It is this alienation by others that causes stress, which can lead to depression/anxiety. Also remember that this most commonly begins in childhood, where such things as accomplishments are really pretty irrelevant. Most often, this alienation results from a lack of social skills and/or just being 'different'. But regardless of how it gets started, it VERY strongly shapes the way that you feel about yourself and others, and in a VERY negative. This is EXTEMELY difficult to overcome. Especially when real help just does not exist.

I did say many, not most or all. Everyone's story is different. In my situation, the lack of acceptance probably came first as well, starting since I was three years old towards my teens, without having a single friend until I was 16, suffering through depression and thoughts of suicide most of my life. However there are some people who have lived a fairly good life with a loving family, but still have this depressed and helpless attitude (that came first). If the worse thing that has something to someone is "ohh, my parents want me to go to college but they can't accept my decision not to", they will get no empathy to me, and nor do they deserve it. Not everyone is going to like the decisions you make, that is life. There are other things that happened to me that I can't say on this forum,but I will tell you this, there are far worse things then having no friends or no acceptance.

And for the record, the only thing I regret now is that I didn't try to help myself earlier. Wallowing in self-pity is completely unproductive.

And yes, it does tick me off that people play the helpless card, because it can be so self-centered that it is excrutiating to hear to the average person, and then they wonder why no one understands. If you want to see real pain, go to Africa. I'm not trying to belitte their feelings, I've been there myself. However, I will not condone this lifelong "I'm helpless and giving up" attitude, without even trying to genuinely help yourself. (and I mean genuine self-help, not seeing a psychologist once or twice every 5 years) Know this, no matter how bad life dicked you over, there is always a way out.

While others may have had zero acceptance before their depression, many others haven't. That doesn't diminish my advice, and it isn't to sound mean, it is tough love. That advice is, if you want to be accepted by others in world, then you have to prove yourself by the standards set in the society we live in. This is not just in social situations, this is in life in general, in every situation. Not to mention, it is quite euphoric and has been proven to help people out of depression, including me.

[help_me]

Shane Ritchy said that he never wants to get his daughter potty trained that way she will never date anyone :(

I find it unfair because my dad has always wanted me to date boys :(

[Topcat]

Shane Ritchy said that he never wants to get his daughter potty trained that way she will never date anyone :(

I find it unfair because my dad has always wanted me to date boys :(

OMG Your 22 !!!!!!

If you are seriously depressed for this reason and feel hard done by then you should take a look at the news and get a reality check - children being abused until their death is unfair, people being burnt to death in Australia is unfair, children starving to death in Africa is unfair.

[help_me]

but are there any fathers wanting there daughters to get a boyfriend?

[Topcat]

but are there any fathers wanting there daughters to get a boyfriend?

What do you think?

[help_me]

well it seams that all the other fathers in the world want there daughters to stay little girls forever :(

[Topcat]

I disagree with you, and your not a little girl anymore.

[help_me]

Well why did Shane Ritchie say that he's never going to get his daughter potty trained so won't be dating anyone?

[Topcat]

I have no idea if he said that but his daughter is only 8 months old !! I am quite sure by the time she reaches 22 he wont still be saying that.

[giftofgrace]

I think you need to sit down and look at yourself. Not to think of what anyone else wants out of you, but what you would like to be doing. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in thinking about peoples reaction that you don't act. I think its really sad that you're twenty-two and all you can think about is what your parents want/ don't want you to do. There's so much more to life than that.

[Topcat]

I notice that many of your posts say "I hate........."

Tell us what you love or like ..... we know you like My Chemical Romance what else?

[help_me]

I love MUCC, shopping, my job, music, traveling,

[Topcat]

Well thats positive :D

Try to focus on the things you love rather than the things that you hate and you may start to feel a bit better about life and see that its not all bad.

[FunPie]

but are there any fathers wanting there daughters to get a boyfriend?

Yeah, no offense, but I think the examples of people suffering that Topcat used have far worse problems than you have.

And yes, a lot of fathers tell their daughters to get a boyfriend. I know examples personally. Perhaps your depression has clouded your judgement, but your life hardly sounds bad at all. Or perhaps you are looking for someone to care. Let me tell you this, if your parents were telling you to stay with them forever, then they have issues. Most likely, they are trying to get you prepared for the real world. You can't stay with them forever, and they know that. I think you will find that most people will agree with me on this one, it is time for you to move out.

Supporting a kid is hard enough, supporting one for a lifetime is even more draining. Perhaps they arent' the one that is selfish, they have taken care of you for 22 years, don't you think you owe them something, perhaps moving out for a start?

EDIT: Look at it this way, not only do you have a job, you have one that you like. How many people can say that? Topcat is right, perhaps focusing on the good that has happened is a place to start.

[help_me]

Yeah thats true

But sometimes I worry because Im the youngest in the family by a very long way that Im still be told to grow up by MUCH older siblings

[alex]

but are there any fathers wanting there daughters to get a boyfriend?

What do you think?

IMO you guys are all being dicks.
Anxiety and Depression are disorders of the mind, not of the external world.

When I'm in the midst of an anxiety attack a perceived slight from a work colleague can make me fear for my life.
When I am back to normal I laugh at all the things I formerly was terrified of and even take on some moderate risk..both personal and professional.

Help_me, I'm sorry things suck for you right now. What you're feeling is normal and you have your work cut out for you.
However that's a positive statement. There's many things that you can do to make yourself feel better.
Try reading the sticky post of suggestions and start implementing them. Take it easy on yourself but keep pushing forward

[Topcat]

but are there any fathers wanting there daughters to get a boyfriend?

What do you think?

IMO you guys are all being dicks.
Anxiety and Depression are disorders of the mind, not of the external world.



Actually I was trying to draw on Help_Me's thoughts about what she had asked.

As for telling us exactly what anxiety an depression means, thanks, I hadnt realised after being an anxiety sufferer for 39 years and no stranger to depression that it was my "mind" making me ill !!!

[help_me]

I also hate how I never have the sort of New Year's eve that everyone else of my age has :cry:

[ArykaLinn]

I'm not trying to be an ass, but I agree with the person earlier who said that depression is a selfish disease...To a certain degree.
At this point, what it looks like is you're trying to get attention when you can't get it at home. You're getting plenty of attention at home, yet you take something that is positive (your parents encouraging you to find a boyfriend, start your own life, ect) and view it as them not wanting you.

Do you want to live with them for the rest of your life and not have a life of your own?
I used to call my mom with anxiety attacks and she'd cuss me out and hang up on me. Because I was suffering from agoraphobia, she kicked me out of the house at 18, and I had to find my own apartment. Because of it, I was able to get rid of my anxiety for 2 years. I just moved back in with mom and surprise surprise, I am having multiple attacks a day.

Your parents may not know best ALWAYS but it seems like they care for you very much, they're just trying to get you to enjoy life to the fullest.

Maybe one of your biggest problems is you're viewing the world with such a negative attitude, you'll never be able to turn things in your life around.

[help_me]

Im mainly upset because I have no friends :cry: