What if and what shall I do?

[Topcat]

I find myself constantly saying "what if" and "What shall I do", always on the negative side, what if I get sick when im out, what if I can get parked, what if I have a panic attack, what if there is a traffic jam, what if im late, and the list goes on. Then of course there is the what shall I do about......... abosultely everything (even what breakfast to have sometimes) :roll:

My long suffering b/f always stays on the positive side and will correct so I say "what if we get stuck in traffic and I need to get to a loo" he will say "what if there is no traffic and you dont need the loo" I will say " seriously what if there is traffic, my stomach feels bad" and he will say "and what if there really isnt any traffic and your stomach feels bad because your worrying about traffic" me "what if it rains" b/f "what if it doesnt" !! And whilst this drives me mad I would say that 99% of the time he is always right, all my negative what ifs and what shall I dos are a waste of energy and it actual fact just thoughts in my head.

Well last night I had a really nasty dream, I was dying from something or other and the doctor gave me some pills to take to end my life, I swallowed them and then in my dream I suddenly panicked, whilst i was supposed to be dying I actually felt quite well, I suddenly realised that i hadnt said goodbye to my children and that I had wasted my life worrying about nothing and now I was about to die and ran back to the doctors to ask him if he could stop the tablets killing me off but he said he couldnt, in my dream I decided I would have to make myself sick (my biggest fear) to get rid of the pills and that vomiting was the better option to dying. At this point my alarm clock went off, i woke up with a racing heart and was so thankful that it was just a dream and that I didnt have to say goodbye to my children.

This got me thinking today, what if, what if I start to be more positive and re-train my what ifs to look on the positive side and actually try and enjoy my life as we only get one chance at it and I have wasted tp much negative energy in mine.

Whether or not this lasts who knows, whether it helps only time will tell but today i am feeling positive and determined that anxiety will not rule my life all the time :D

[giftofgrace]

God that sounds like the worst nightmare anybody could ever have! I don't know if you have dreams often, but mine are always really vivid.The ones I remember are always were I'm not in control of the situation and I always wake up really freaked out! Does anyone else have that problem?

[Topcat]

I have vivid dreams a lot but usually when I am really tired or stressed.

[giftofgrace]

I tried to get one of those dream diaries to figure them out with but I'd spend like half an hour flicking from one side of the book to other as I tried to find all the parts of the dream! Needless to say I gave up!

[Topcat]

I love trying to work out dreams but that particular dream I had did freak me out because it was so real.

After my dad died I dreamt I was walking through some woods and I bumped into my dad, he was dressed in his favorite shirt and jeans and he really hugged me and told me that he wasn't dead and that he was well and he loved me, he walked away after that and I woke up crying and felt so depressed that it wasnt real, then after my mum died I had a similar dream, my mum looked really pretty and well like before she got ill and she was wearing a top that she wore a lot when I was little which I loved, she told me that she wasnt suffering anymore and that I shouldnt worry.

Again i woke up sad but I know it sounds strange but after a while I thought that this was their way of telling me that they were still with me and I started to feel a bit better.

[giftofgrace]

Yes I see what you mean. Sometimes its just nice to see them again as well, isn't it? I like the fact that in dreams the people I've lost are always moving around and animated. Even if its just for a second. Losing your parents must have made your dream seem even worse, because you knew how your kids would feel like. :S

[Topcat]

Yes, after my mum an dad died I became paranoid about dying and leaving my children, im not as bad now but it is still a big fear of mine.

Its always a strange feeling when I dream about my parents or their home as it makes me sad but also makes me happy as it reminds me of exactly what they were like and how their voices sounded :)

When I was pregnant with my first child I dreamt I gave birth to a giant avocado and everyone was chanting Guacamole :ponder: :laugh: Never did worked that dream out !!