Anxious and scared - please help me

[anxiousman24]

Hi guys

I am a male from UK and have been suffering from this problem and hope that someone can help me with it.

It all started when I had a protected sexual encounter with a person of unknown sexual status in 2007 October. After this incident I suffered for 1 whole year because of the fear that I had caught HIV. I could not handle the mental stress anymore and decided to get an HIV test in October 2008. My test result was negative and I was happy for some time. However, incidents which happened during the test and afterwards have generated new fears within me and I have become an anxiety/nervous wreck once again and it is destroying my life. I will tell you exactly what happened.

2 weeks after I received my HIV negative result, I suddenly remembered something which happened at the clinic. On the first day I went to the clinic for a blood test, I gave my real contact details to the lady on the counter (there is an option of giving false names/addresses but I gave my real details). Then she asked me to go to a room where some other people were also waiting. I went and sat there and waited for the nurse to come and call my name. After some time a nurse came and called a name which sounded bit like mine. However she pronounced it very differently. Her pronunciation was not clear but at the same time it sounded bit like my name so I went to her and pronounced my name properly to her. She said okay so I thought it must be my name that she called and went with her. She took my blood & urine samples and asked me to come after 2 weeks to get the result. I went to get the result 2 weeks after the test and this time the clinician called my name clearly and I went in and got my negative test result.

I’m worried that the nurse called someone else’s name and I have gone in and done the test thinking it was my name. I’m worried that the HIV result of my blood sample is now linked to someone else’s patient record and vice versa. I know this is virtually impossible and sounds stupid but I couldn’t get that thought out of my mind. When I went in to do the blood test, the nurse asked and got my date of birth from me so I think she must have checked it with the details I gave earlier to the lady at the counter but I’m still not sure. The same nurse phoned me about 10 days after my blood test to confirm that I was coming to get my test result. Even then she pronounced my name differently and I pronounced it correctly to her again. She said ok and made sure that I was coming to get my result.

3 weeks passed with these thoughts on my mind. I finally thought I’m going to visit the clinic again and ask them if there could be a possible mix up.

Below is what I said to the nurse (this was a different nurse) when I went to re-confirm. The nurse had my records and test results when I talked to her.

“I came for an HIV test about a month ago and received my results and I was diagnosed HIV negative. However, the day I came for my blood test, the nurse called my name and she pronounced it very differently. Her pronunciation was not clear but at the same time it sounded bit like my name so I went to her and pronounced my name properly to her. She said okay and took me to the test room and got my blood samples & urine samples. Thing is I’m worried that I went in for another persons name”

After listening to this, the nurse said that there could be no mix up as they use a unique number with date of birth for every ones test samples before they send it to the labs so no mix up can happen. Because she said that such a mix up can’t happen, I did not try to understand exactly how such labeling can avoid mix ups. I still don’t understand it but I trust her because I think they know better than us and I don’t think they would lie/misinform us on such a serious matter. If any of you understood how they avoid mix ups like this with the labeling method she mentioned, please let me know.

Anyway I thought (even u guys must be thinking) my problems are over but now another fear has entered my mind.

During the conversation with the nurse, I said “Thing is I’m worried that I went in for another persons name”

When I said that does it sound like

1) I went in giving a different name rather than giving my real name
2) I went in for another persons test because I thought I heard the nurse call my name when it was indeed another persons name

I’m worried because I think she must have given me an explanation on understanding something similar to number 1. If she said that there can be no mix up thinking if something like number 2 happened – then it’s okay.

Most of you must be thinking I’m the dumbest person on earth and I too wonder from where the hell does this stupid logic coming in to my mind. I want to tell you that I’m not joking and I’m still suffering from fear and anxiety.

Please give your views and help me because it will really be good for me to ease my tension & anxiety. Sorry for this long post.

Thanks

[joey9]

I really think that you can relax about this. First of all the nurse is right - there are hugely rigourous procedures for taking down your details for an HIV test. When you went to get your test results, if you had gone in under the wrong name then the details would not match up when you went to get the results. And why didn't anyone else come forward when she pronounced the 'wrong name' if it was someone else? And if that person simply didn't hear, surely they would have gone up to the counter after waiting for ages and not being called and the nurse would have said 'but you gave your test 20 minutes ago....' etc. and the mistake would have been spotted. Finally, if by hugely remote chance, the whole system went wrong that day and you were able to give blood as someone else and no one noticed, not even the person whose name was actually called out, AND, even more remotely, you were actually HIV positive after having safe sex, then somewhere out there there is a positive HIV test that no one has claimed. Don't you think that the hospital staff would be trying desperately to find out who had given that blood that day?

This may be a one off episode of situational anxiety and you have just got yourself a bit freaked out about the whole day, in which case the simplest thing to do to put your mind at rest is to take another test. However, it is a very common symptom of anxiety to need repeated reassurance about health issues, including repeatedly taking HIV tests because you can't ever quite believe the negative results that you get. If this is the case then you need to do something to treat your anxiety (and i don't mean meds), because taking another test may not actually make you feel that much better for long.

[joey9]

Oh, and with regards the whole issue of whether the woman thought you had given a test for someone else etc., you really have to try to not give a shit what she thinks. You don't know her, she doesn't know you, you know you took the test for yourself....let it go. It doesn't matter at all what this woman thinks. Let her think the worst of you - it will have absolutely no consequences at all.

[anxiousman24]

Thank you for your reply mate.

I also think that the probability of such a thing happening is very low. I'll try to calm down & if nothing works i'll retest.

I also assume that there is a very good system in GUM clinics for eliminating such mistakes as you said.

If by any chance u know the whole procedure, please let me know.

Thanks

[joey9]

I don't think that knowing the whole procedure is going to be enough to reassure you. Your anxious mind think of some way that the procedure could have gone wrong anyway. I have huge experience of irrational worrying. Your worry, including picking over all the details, is your way of avoiding having to 'look under the bed' (for a monster). But its still almost as scarey, it just lasts longer. Not getting a new test isn't going to change the result. You either are or you're not. You could get a one day test to reduce the horrible waiting time. Or, you could spend another whole year worrying about whether or not the procedure went wrong, how it might have gone wrong, how the procedure is good but how if a nurse did something not quite by the book then it could have gone wrong, etc. etc. etc. I find that worrying isn't quite as intense as the horror of something actually going wrong, but the downside is that it is pretty intense and it completely fucks up your mental well being. Believe me I have gone through the whole have I got HIV thing - it only took me about 8 years to pluck up the courage to get a test, and actually I only got one because i was pregnant and had to for the baby's sake. I was actually perfectly content to just worry myself stupid for about 15 years until the timescale for me developing full blown AIDS had passed. I also have this problem with bank statements.

[Topcat]

You say you had protected sex (unless this was a typing error) there is such a tiny tiny risk that you would have caught HIV in the first place.

I can understand your fear of the mix up as I too often have these fears when I have tests of any kind done, but in reality the chances of this happening is extremely unlikely, the clinic would use your number (not your name) to process the HIV test and as you have been told this is then matched to your d.o.b and therefore this would make no difference to whether they called you Fred or John when you went to collect the results ;)

I think we have all worried at some point (whether we are prone to anxiety or not) whether or not we have caught HIV but unless you fall into a high risk category, (unprotected sex with a drug user, unprotected sex with a gay man, or unprotected sex with someone from african countries) the risk is minimal. I must just point out that I am saying those groups are high risk and that they dont all have HIV !!

If it will put your mind at rest then have the test repeated but I am sure it isnt necessary :)