My private story...

[slippery when wet]

Hi,

Just found this forum and I want tell my story to someone anonymous. Hope you can bear with me; this is going to be a bit of a long post!

I guess what started this is a friend at work has been hit with anxiety and has been off work for 3 months. She is a good friend who had no indication leading up to it and thought she was having a heart attack at the time. I feel really sad about what she has gone through over the past months but she is getting well now.

Anyway, that is not why I am writing here. It is because her talking to me about it, it has made me think about the anxiety that I have!

I'm in my 40's and it probably started getting anxiety in my early teens. I remember seeing a doctor about it when I was around 20 or so and he sent me off to the pharmacy for some herbal liquid medicine. That was it and since then, no other doctor visits about this.

Over the years it has come now and then. It is in certain situations. When in these situations I start to shake (a lot) and sweat mainly but also rapid breathing and heart rate. It is really embarrassing to me but I just can't control myself.

This has caused me to avoid situations altogether if I can. Avoiding situations has fixed it in my mind and I don't really think much about "anxiety" too much unless I have to do things that affect me, which isn't that often. Problem is, I think it has affected the way I have gone through life with some major decisions.

Just to let you know the things that "get to me" it is when I am examined like going to the dentists, doctors, eye doctors or even going for some tests (physical). I used to shake when signing things in front of people too but not too much now. I try to make it quick! Walking in on parties and greeting everyone, seeing someone I haven't seen for years etc.

One example is about a year ago I had stomach problems and had to go for a test. I had to drink some liquid and breathe out in some bag. Anyway, the nurse gave me the full cup of this liquid and I went to drink it. I started shaking and tipped half of it over. She didn't say anything, just half filled it again.

Top of the list is public speaking (of course!). Sometimes we have courses at work and I worry about it for weeks before it. Fortunately it doesn't happen often and if it does, it's not too bad but the lead-up to it is what reeeeeaaally stresses me out. I think this also gives me a bad temper with family i.e.: when these situations are coming up. I do drink a bit too; maybe a dozen drinks a week. I noticed someone mentioned coffee in a post, I probably drink too much of that too!

Only other thing is that other family members have had this but I haven't really spoken much about it to them or anyone other then my work friend who has been afflicted with this but her problem might be different to mine.

My partner (we have been married for 15 years) does NOT know about my anxiety.

Thanks.

Slippery when wet

[shoe]

slippery, thats odd that a doctor gave you an herbal liquid.. what was it they gave you out of curiosity?

I can associate with most of the stuff you write about.. you are braver than me though because I avoid alot of those situations (parties, public speaking). Well, I *try* to avoid them anyway hehe.

Drinking alcohol and coffee aren't good for anxiety, I'm sure you already know.. but there are alternatives. For example, beta blockers and benzodiazepines are medications prescribed for immediate (well within an hour or so) relief of anxiety or its symptoms, and typically have little side effects. Not that I'm saying you have to get medication, just that its better than self-medicating with other things.

I think its a good idea to be open with your family, but hopefully you have a family that would be understanding. Still, even if they don't understand it could be a relief to just finally put it out there and stop hiding a secret.

just my 2 cents :)

[slippery when wet]

Shoe


thats odd that a doctor gave you an herbal liquid.. what was it they gave you out of curiosity?

I have no idea as I can't remember except it was for "stress". That was maybe 20 years ago now. I'm no expert but I don't think back then they had the medication that's around today.


Drinking alcohol and coffee aren't good for anxiety, I'm sure you already know.

Only from reading here but I have noticed that when not eating and having 3 cups of coffee, I feel a bit shaky.


medications prescribed for immediate (well within an hour or so) relief of anxiety or its symptoms

I've never taken any medication for it before (beside alcohol and that herbal stuff!) but are these a long term way to handle anxiety? Do they "numb" your mind and make you feel "off the planet". Do they actially stop the shaking, sweating etc that anxiety causes? Are you able to face things that you normally couldn't? Do you take them daily or only when you feel anxious?


I think its a good idea to be open with your family,

My mother is the only person who knows and she has told me that other people in our family (who are now passed away) suffered from anxiety.


you are braver than me though because I avoid alot of those situations (parties, public speaking). Well, I *try* to avoid them anyway hehe.

It's impossible to avoid sometimes, like in work situations. Fortunately I don't have to talk in front of people at work.

Thanks.

Slippery when wet

[shoe]

I've never taken any medication for it before (beside alcohol and that herbal stuff!) but are these a long term way to handle anxiety? Do they "numb" your mind and make you feel "off the planet". Do they actially stop the shaking, sweating etc that anxiety causes? Are you able to face things that you normally couldn't? Do you take them daily or only when you feel anxious?


Slippery,

Beta blockers work on your heart rate and blood pressure I believe (by working on the adrenaline and noradrenaline receptors), and basically just stop the anxiety symptoms - shaking, rapid heartrate etc. It shouldn't have an affect your mental functioning.

Benzodiazepines might have a slight effect on memory (although I've only really experienced that on Xanax), but otherwise the effect they give you is a calm, relaxed feeling. If you take too high a dose or mix it with lack of sleep you'll wind up drowsy though. I can actually concentrate better when I'm on clonazepam (when I'm around people), and I don't freak out and rarely have panic attacks unless the situation is really heightened (in which case I might need a stronger dose). I do find myself going into situations I normally would avoid while I'm medicated, which is a good thing.

Most therapists recommend taking benzodiazepines on an as-needed basis (and some beta-blockers too). Basically if you expect to be in an anxiety-provoking situation, you take the medication an hour or so before the event.

Some people are on a daily prescription of benzodiazepines, as I was for 3 weeks. The main problem with long term daily use is physical dependence, and withdrawal isn't fun (although there are ways to help counter withdrawal effects). But the same goes for most anxiety medications. Doctors *will* warn you about addiction to these medications though - which is a problem mainly if you have a history of addiction.. but I don't think many anxiety sufferers become addicted - just dependent.

[slippery when wet]

shoe,

Thankyou very much for taking the time to explain.

Do you think you could sent one of those tablets just I can make it into the doctors without being a mess! ;)

Just joking.


I avoid alot of those situations (parties, public speaking).

Even though you have help at hand in the medication? The thought of not trembling/dry mouth etc, maybe you could actually think about what to say instead worrying and everything else going blank!

I don't have really high anxiety at parties (especially if I know a couple of people) unless there is a chance that someone may ask me to "say a few words". You know what I mean, when you hear the dreaded drinking glass with the tea spoon rattle! It freaks me out weeks before the party, just the thought of it happening.

After the event (and nothing happened!) I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off me, which feels really good even though I know it's not going to go away.

I will (in the near future) make it to the doctor when I get up the courage. At the moment I'm fine but I could imagine when a "situation" comes up, it will give me a good reason to go to the doctors now that I know there is help.

Thankyou very much, SWW

[shoe]

shoe,

Thankyou very much for taking the time to explain.

Do you think you could sent one of those tablets just I can make it into the doctors without being a mess! ;)

Just joking.

lol, i know what u mean. But hey - the docs should have experience with people having panic attacks so there could be some comfort in knowing that your in the hands of people that have dealt with this before.

As far as me and parties goes.. I really haven't had much social exposure since I was like oh 11 years old.. so I don't know how to participate really in social events. Regarding public speaking, I've done class presentations (very reluctantly!) but I still have a lot of the worries about how I'm viewed/judged by people. And if I havent taken a strong enough dose of medication I will typically get anxiety attacks which doesn't help. But that goes to show that its best to add therapy (like CBT) to my program to fix those negative thoughts and behaviors.

shoe

[slippery when wet]

shoe,

After a lot of thinking about this stuff over the past week or so. Probably more then I have done over the past 25 years of these damn feelings. Reading up on the net seeing the "symptoms" and feeling like crap (actually, really really low) realising that I have a degree of social anxiety.

I feel a bit better today and I think that over the time (25+ years) I have had these feeling that I have actually improved a bit. As I said I am in my 40's now. I remember when I would shake when the worker watched me signing the credit card slip at the gas station. I don't do this anymore (or at least "at the moment"!).

I really hated meetings at work too, but the more I go to them and speak, the less I feel anxious. This sort of gives hope because maybe if I did enough public speaking, maybe it would also become easier. I've no idea as this scares the crap out of me and can't see how it could be a regular event.

To me, meetings are a bit different to public speaking, being on your own in front of people, no way!

What really get's to me is not being able to talk at my partner's birthday parties to tell people what I think (as you do!). My all time greatest fear/sadness is that I couldn't talk at my parents funeral. The thought that I can't show my respect by speaking for them.


I really haven't had much social exposure since I was like oh 11 years old.

I don't know what to say. It's just not right.

SWW

[shoe]

sww,

Im glad you feel you've made progress over the years :) Thats great!

Don't feel bad about your parents! Your love and caring is enough respect, you don't need to voice that to others for it to be real. If you still feel bad you could always write a few words down as a little memorial for them. Heck, you could even email it to people you feel should have heard what they meant to you.

Oh, speaking of speeches.. there's an international organization called 'Toastmasters' that gives people who are uneasy about or want to try speaking the opportunity to practice speaking in front of audiences. Just thought I'd mention it, just in case :)

shoe

[slippery when wet]

Hi again!

I said above I'd go to the doctors next time I felt I really needed to and I worked-up the courage to do it.

Today I got home from work and then went straight to the doctors. Guess what? It was his afternoon off!

I'm booked in for tomorrow. :o

Things at work are getting difficult, regular meetings and dealing with many people is forcing me to do something before it gets too far. I'm sick of it.

I think I might have "anticipatory anxiety" from what I've read.

Regards

[slippery when wet]

Hi there!

Just got back from the doctors. I was really difficult to walk in the front door and while I spoke, I could feel the heat build up in me and was shaking slightly.

I think it was the longest visit to a general doctor I have ever had!

He gave me a book on panic attacks "Living with IT - A surviver's guide to Panic Attacks".

He also prescribed a low dose Xanax to take before I knew I would be in a situation that I would need it.

Haven't taken one yet but I really hope they make me feel calm and "normal". I think I might have one soon just to see how I feel at home with it. I'd hate to have it at work and find I fall asleep or something!

He also gave me a referral to a Psychologist for cognitive therapy. Not looking forward to that at all. :oops:

SWW

Edit: YES!!!!!! ...I did it :)

[soshy]

Hey SWW - I'm really happy for you. I'm so glad you went to the doctor. That's a tough thing to do! I have social phobia so going to a general medicine doctor is pretty high on the anxiety list.

That's great; he gave you a book on anxiety. My friend takes Xanax for her anxiety and it does help her. That's a good idea to "test take" the Xanax.

I'm a true-blue believer in cognitive-behavioral therapy. I would still be house bound if I didn't have weekly therapy. I learned how to control and manage my panic attacks.

Way to go :goodjob:,

soshy

[slippery when wet]

glad you went to the doctor. That's a tough thing to do!
YES ...it sure was!!! ;)

I had no choice. I am getting these feelings more regularily because of the situation with work. I can't handle it anymore. ESPECIALLY now that I've found (here) that something can be done about it.

Not only that, after putting up with it for over 25 years I'm getting tired of it. My partner came with me to talk to the doctor (and hold my hand!) and told the doctor some of the times noticed I was "loosing" it.

Still haven't tried one of those tablets yet. I will soon.

[slippery when wet]

Still haven't tried one of those tablets yet. I will soon.

OK an hour and a half ago (after a great sleep) I had my very first Xanax tablet. Small does of 0.25mg.

Not sure if I like the feeling much. My head feels "heavy", a dull feeling and a bit tired :yawn:

I need to be able to think straight/clearly in my job. If it's like this, I'm not too impressed, but it's too early to tell yet!

Maybe it's "normal" to feel like that?

Possibly later today I'll be talking to some high pressure sales people so I'll see how it goes and if I start the shakes or not! Although, on the anxiety scale this doesn't rate too highly for me.

Slippery! :unsure:

[scatmantom]

hi the SWW welcome to the forum

Its great to hear that u are getting help with ur anxiety. ave you tried or heard about Cognitive behavioural Therapy? Its what I have recieved. It can be used in conjunction with medication and may help you to find a usefull selfhelp style solution to some of ur anxiety problems. Ask your doctor about it if it interests you!

hope you find the help you deserve :) !

[slippery when wet]

ave you tried or heard about Cognitive behavioural Therapy

Hi scatmantom,

Thanks for your words! :)

No, I haven't tried Cognitive behavioural Therapy yet but my GP has referred me to this. Once a few "things" that are coming up are over with, I'll try to make that phone call to book an appointment. It will be very very hard I know. Maybe next week ;)

I tell you this is all really weird "coming out" with this stuff after soooo many years of it. I would really prefer to just not think about it (until the next episode!) and I think reading up about it and talking about it with a friend etc has actually made my anxiety worse. Like I said above, my work has forced this and I guess I knew one day it would come where I had to do something about it. It's NOW.

Took my 2nd Xanex today and (had one 2 days ago) and this time felt better. My head feels like I've had a couple of beers but my muscles/body seems more relaxed.

SWW

[scatmantom]

i understand what u mean...When I am feeling fine i ignore my anxiety and pretend its not a problem..but it always comes back...its better to be prepared for it and get rid of it fast than to ignore it and suffer the full effects!

Well thats what i think anyway :)

[slippery when wet]

Hi again,

Does anyone know if practicing cognitive behaviour therapy and catching your negative thoughts stop you from being "worked up" in the situations that affect you.

Will it stop you from shaking or whatever?

Can it ever stop the physical adrenaline rush that comes from anxiety?

Rgds SWW

[slippery when wet]

Your love and caring is enough respect, you don't need to voice that to others for it to be real. If you still feel bad you could always write a few words down as a little memorial for them. Heck, you could even email it to people you feel should have heard what they meant to you.

Hi again,

I just received a PM from someone here (a porn site link) - and received an email alert. Had to retrieve my password as it's been a while since I looked here and started this thread. It was a time when I realised that I may have this "anxiety" stuff!

As far as anxiety goes, it rears it's head now and then and still take Xanax occasionally. The quote above was shoe's reply to my anxiety about speaking at a funeral. Strange because my mother recently passed away. About 6 weeks ago now and shoe - you were right.

No one expected me to stand and speak on a day that was the hardest of my life. My mother had even wrote her own speech (a few years ago) and requested none of her children (including me) to read it. It was a fine day and I'm sure she would have been happy about it all.

I ended up playing a big part on the day. I organised the service, wrote and had the service book printed, made a 15min slideshow DVD with music that was shown during the service and had the Wake at our place.

Just wanted to write this because the thoughts of this was blown out in my mind (anxiety) but it was not so hard in reality.

Regards, SWW