Im new and scared :(

[sunshine33]

Hi,
Im new here. Im a 24 year old female and I was diagnosed with GAD and depression a few years ago. I believe ever since age 12 I was like this and never new it until I got myself help. Im not medicated and I just relied on my boyfriend and therapist for guidance.

Problem is my relationship with bf is suffering because of my anxiety. The What if's???, worry etc CONSUME me. Everyday I always have something to worry about with my relationship or life in general. When I do find something to worry about I will worry and worry till Im blue in the face. I wake up every morning thinking of the worry and the whole day is wasted. I've been going out with my bf for over 4 years everything is great, he's stood by me through my bad times and anxiety, I love him so much. Thing is instead of cherishing my relationship I think WHAT IF what if WHAT IF??????? What if he finds another girl???? What if he's bi or gay? ---> thats the new worry I've made up in my head. Im thinking to myself why in the world is this relationship so great...there has to be something WRONG. Than I start to analyze him and his actions....oooo why did he look at that guy like that?....why did he make a gay joke to his friends ( his friends and him make jokes to each other a lot), Why does he hang out with his friend and go out to lunch? (his friend has stage 3 cancer and my bf is being supportive), than bfs mom said to me..they hang out a lot...than I worry OMG why why did she say that I start to think of every possible situation.
Than I said somethign to him a few days ago...he said your asking me if im gay? What do you think?? Im not going to even answer this question. So than after he said that Im analyzing what he said....well why didnt he answer the question.....is he hiding sometihing (which he's not). In fact me and him make comments about hot girls a lot, he looks a girl porn...why the heck would this come into mind....but once i have a worry i obsessivley think about it...ive been thinking about this for about 5 weeks.
The internet doesnt help either its a catalyst for the worries..I look up stuff and bam that feeds it even more.
I worry about doctors , getting stuff done at the doctor...everything.

Has anyone been in this situation?
I can't live like this no more.

[leftie15]

Sunshine you also live in my world i'm goin through the same thing right this minute my anxiety also started very young and has built the whats ifs are the worst part about anxiety i create new fears everyday then like you said when u find a good one you can't let it go for it started with me having EEE then cancer now somehow i think i'm gonna freak out and hurt somebody this a shitty way to live but everyday you just need to get up reassure yourself hey i don't need to worrie about this it doesn't matter you justgotta jam your mind with the positive thoughts and think if your b/f was gay would he really be with you it sounds like he loves you very much and would do anything for you that sounds like a good man ;) you just gotta keep your mind occupied as much as you can i know we can make it through this i have faith in you keep you head up this will pass in time we just gotta be patient keep fighting the good fight your buddy leftie


also wlecome to the site i'm new here also this place has been prettyh kewl everyone here has been awesome don't hesitate to talk to bout whateva one your mind you won't be judged i hope you stick around and use this as a tool to conquer your anxiety in the end we all willconquer as long as we say true to the path

[silence]

Hi, i have the same problem of worrying about worrying.. for the last few nights ive woken up after exactly two hours full of worry as if I had been worrying in my dreams. I've also diagnosed myself with every kind of cancer and the internet is really not much help. Anxiety can make you feel the symptoms you have looked up which is terrifying. Im glad you decided to post here like I did becuase apart from the worrying i've actually had a good week or so since i posted my first post.

By the way me and my mates are always making gay jokes with each other and even pretend to flirt with some of our gay friends, I think its somekind re-assurance to ourselves that we aren't gay or something... something alpha male related most likely :P

It's terrible that so many of us are suffering like this but at the same time it is great that we can come together and help each other. At the end of the day we are the best people to talk too becuase we truly understand how insane this can be sometimes.

Silence