I don't know what to do anymore!!!

[raychel]

I have been battling anxiety for some time now and thought I had it under control. Ever since a bad attack I had on Nov 12th at a concert I am much worse again. I am so freaked out and dont know what to do. I am getting married in October and want to cancel, I want to quit my job, sometimes I feel like I am no good for my son because he can feel my moods. I feel constant doom like feellings and have been experiencing bad tension headaches. I have been seen by a doctor, 2 actually and now am going for a ct scan even though he said he can assure me there is nothing wrong and it is just tension. i want to believe but the pressure in my head is really bad from the back of my neck through the sides of my head. I feel like I can't focus on anything like I'm seeing life through a fuzzy picture and I'm walking around floating or something. Does any of this make sense? to make matters worse, I am terrified to take meds but really want to feel normal. I got better before just by fighting it but now I feel like I can't fight it. I feel helpless. I try to talk to my mom about it and now she doesn't even want to talk to me because it's always the same thing. I don't know what to do. I started therapy and am hoping it will help even though I can barely sit through that without freaking out. Does any of this make sense?

[meta_liz]

I know exactly how you feel. I have been in the same situation many times (in fact I am right now to an extent)...also I HATE talking to my mom about it too, because it freaks her out. Even though she has anxiety too, the minute I say mine has come back, she wants to shove the prozac down my throat lol.

Last night I got a bad headache too that I'm pretty sure is from tension. The feeling like you cant focus on anything, fuzzy picture and walking around floating are also manifestations of anxiety. Try not to let them freak you out too much, they will go away.

I can see from your post that you're indulging too much in the scary thoughts that anxiety provokes. I feel the same way when I have anxiety... right now I have a really tough school/work schedule, and I feel like I need to quit school for a term, which will then delay my upcoming graduation, etc.. and just thinking about those huge changes brought on by anxiety, causes a whole new layer of anxiety in itself. I still personally don't know how I'm going to do my intense schoolwork with this anxiety... I'm sleep deprived and the work is hard.

Therapy will probably help you, just keep trying hard to be aware of the thoughts in your head that are perpetuating the anxiety, recognize exactly how anxiety is making things scary for you - since it really does alter your perception and add a level of fear to everything. Then just do your best to work through it positively even with your life events. Attitude and paying attention to your thoughts and how anxiety is affecting them is key.

[raychel]

Thank you for your advice. I am really trying to keep my head in a good place. i focus so much on every little physical symptom that I have, even google a lot of symptoms which is terrible. I feel I've become paranoid about everything especially my tensin headaches which are caused by some problem with my neck muscles, i'm told but I'm convinced at times its a tumor or some dreadful disease.

[meta_liz]

I know what you mean, definitely the googling physical symptoms will perpetuate anxiety too. Even more than that it can be hard to tell just what your symptoms mean since some can be caused by many different things and so on.
I actually try not to spend too much time on the anxiety boards even, I wish I could just forget about everything anxiety-related. But it does really help to know who else in the world is going through the same thing at the same time. And to talk about it helps.
I thought about going to therapy but really have no time or the money for it at all. I may look into it too though, we'll see.
Good luck, you'll get through it, and so will I. It just really sucks in the meantime, lol.

[elgrande]

Have you heard of the "linden method". I'm trying it at the moment and think its helping. It focuses on much of what you are talking about and you might find it a big help.

[new2anxiety]

I had high frequency sound damage. It caused extreme anxiety. It took a combination of several things to help. First I had to cover my ear for more than half of each day to keep out sound(sound sensitivity). The other issue was an odd discovery. I couldn't stay out of the hospital for 2 1/2 months until I bought purified water from the store. I am guessing the chemicals in the city water elevated the sound problem. I hope this helps someone.

[Vicki]

I think you need to practice stepping back and realising that the feelings will pass - you know they will because you've fought this before!

You've got a lot going on at the moment with working and planning a wedding - remember it's okay to feel overwhelmed by life. How often do you take time out to look after yourself? Have a hot soak in the tub or read your favourite magazine?