Double life

[hannesami]

In every aspect of life, I seem hapy , v successful, beautiful kids, etc. But I can't lead this double life anymore. I have been doing this for 25 years. I am now 40.

I have been to so many doctors, had so many tests, spent so much money, etc. I don't tell anyone that I do things. My wife, my parents, my friends. No one knows.

It has now got to the stage that worrying about diseases and the future is just un-tenable. I literally can't stop the worrying and every new symptom just sets me on a new path of worry. Usually cancer, ms, etc.

Currently it is an earache and shoulder pain and I am obsessed with lung cancer as I smoked a lot.

I have tried every medication under the sun, self medicated, counselling, etc. Everything.

Will it ever end.

[northstar]

hi hannesami, sounds like things are pretty tough for you, i'm sorry that you have struggled for so long.

have you ever thought about the fact that keeping such a big secret from your loved ones may just be adding to your stress? it might help you to talk to your family and tell them how you feel, perhaps it will life a weight from your shoulders?

if you are struggling with irrational thoughts, like the ones about your health, then cognitive behaviour therapy may be helpful. i personally found psychotherapy useful, but you may need something that's more focused on this specific problem.

for me the key to recovery was through diet & lifestyle change. i don't know very much about your situation, but i'll give you a link to another post i wrote on the different kinds of things that i found helpful on my own journey & perhaps you'll find something useful in it: http://www.anxietyforum.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4087

i really hope you find some relief soon, i know how hard it is to hide these kinds of problems from loved ones :(