I am sooo tired of fighting. please help!!!

[lifeback]

Hi there. I visit this forum often and sometimes to just get some type of relief knowing symptoms are like mine. SOme days they arent though and I am having troubles convincing my family or doctors I really feel unwell and need help. They all say its in my head get over it bla bla.

TO make a long story short I wont get into how very sick I was 3 years ago after I had my son. it was horrible and I dont ever want to go through that. I could not even go to the store or go for a walk I felt so ill and weak. Nothing was every found or diagnosed. I am hypothyroid though and it is not severe I have been told. I take meds etc....

I will tell you what is happening now and not then because my symptoms have slightly changed from years ago. It seems no matter what i always feel something.
Some days I feel fuzzy headed and stoned(I dont do drugs) and really weak like even breathing is a chore. COmplete exhaustion.
The days when I am not feeling like that I have had breathing issues. Lately it has been constant all day and comes and goes but can last hours.
It feels like somebody put a straw down my throat and I am breathing through it but its a struggle. SOmetimes I talk and find myself breathing deep failry often to the point my family has noticed. I breath through my mouth quite a bit. This eventually makes me weak dizzy tingly etc if it is really bad.
I spent my whole day today feeling like I couldnt breath and now I am laying in bed breathing fine but My insides feel shakey I feel like I have been hit by a truck.
I was tested about 6 months ago (chest xray and the test where you blow into something) along with EKG. The doc told me I was fine. These tests were done because I was waking up every morning not being able to breath and it would last half the day. It happened all the time but still nothing was found. Then this talking and deep breaths all the time started in the past month or 2 and people are noticing. They think it is just a habit??
FOr some reason my doc gave me an inhaler but I dont have asthma?? I must say the inhaler does not seem to work. She thinks I just get stressed and tense up to the point that everything else does including my breathing? I am a walking mess........
I have 2 young kids that need their mommy and it breaks my heart that I am so focused on trying to survive and in my mind not die that I dont enjoy them as much and I just feel overwhelmed because everything feels like a chore and I cant seem to find enjoyment in anything. I live my days scared and I am losing hope this has been way to long.
I am so frustrated I am scared to be alone but I have to when my hubby works. I also have a broken wisdom tooth I need to get fixed in 2 days!!!!!! I dont have a CLUE how I am going to sit in the dentist chair for that long with my mouth open. People think I am just crazy paranoid and neurotic. I am really not I am having symptoms that are unexplainable and struggle every day of my life. Its exhausting and I dont know where to turn. I look tired and I feel tired.
Any insite asap would be appreciated thanks for taking time to read my venting and craziness. I dont know what else to do.
:(

[DiamondSea]

I get this way too. My body hyperventilates and my muscles numb up from lack of oxygen. I would highly recommend undergoing CBT to help you with your worrisome thoughts (it is, after all, your thoughts causing this as you said you've been to the doctor). Another thing i would recommend is looking into meditation. I am always analyzing my bodily functions and questioning them, this is where my anxiety starts. Think of the mind as a muscle, training it by dismissing negative thoughts over and over will make it stronger, and in turn easier to dismiss them. Try to find peace in something, anything. i enjoy tweaking with computers and electronic devices. Knowing and believing that you CAN be happy is a HUGE factor, i cant stress this enough. If you would like to talk more, pm me or message me on my services below.

"The body is tortured only by the demon of the mind"

-Julian

[will]

Hi lifeback,
I am sorry to hear about your story. It sounds to me like your symptoms are primarily anxiety related. Your previous illness sounds very similar to what I experienced a few years ago. I was completely exhausted to the point I almost died, or so one doctor said. I was found to have a "virus" although no one could say for sure what one!!! A few docs said it was mono. Once I started to get better was the beginning of my anxiety. I was constantly afraid of getting "that" sick again. Now, every time I get a cold or feel overly tired I start to panic. I take zoloft and I think it helps in general but doesnt stop the BIG attacks.
I try to just tell myself not to worry and that I wont get that sick again. I also have a little one and it kills me that I cant be the Dad that I want to be sometimes. I feel selfish and stupid and just a dud!!! But the anxiety goes away in a few days usually and then I get to spend lots of time with them!!!
As for your physical symptoms, you are hyperventillating!!! That can really mess up your body, short term only, in the sense that you get dizzy, tired, and just kind of feel crappy. Your hyperventillation is caused by feelings of fear, everyone with anxiety has the same thing. I just try to tell myself that it is just anxiety and to relax. that can usually help. Hope you are doing better. You are still a great Mom!!!!
Will

[lifeback]

Thank you guys for your reply. This is just getting ridiculous. Some days i Want to laugh at myself and other days I want to freak out. Its very frustrating and makes me feel crazy. My poor kids are 2 and 4 and should not have to see their mom like this on some days. When my son was 2 he seen me get taken away in an ambulance. I try to not let them see some of this but sometimes it is hard. I used to be able to cope and a normal person. Nobody in my family has these issues I dont understand why this has happened to me.
Anyway I have been to the doc, in the past regarding these breathing things but when I dont go for a while and the symptoms feel different I panic that maybe NOW I have something. I cant believe I can walk around all day breathing wierd all day and feel like I am suffocating or my lungs are tightening and closing up. It is so uncomfterble and makes it hard to function. I wish I would just get over this already. I know that anxiety has no cure but I know people who have it and are fine and doing there thing everyday. I sit in my house with my kids and wait for the time when my hubby comes home. I try and occupy myself it is so hard especially when I am alone.
At one point I thought I was hypoglycemic because I get all the symptoms but I had a 3 hour glucose test and it didnt seem bad my doc said so again I am left with symptoms but have no idea what all these things are. I feel like I have 4 different diseases undiagnosed. My doc is never clear to me and I guess I am the type of person that needs a definite NO you dont have that or YES you do. not just "I think it is just anxiety"
Anyway sorry to vent!

[hannah]

i honsetly feel so sorry for you :|

I to have been through this (still am) but im doing so much better compared to what i was.

Like you started after having a child and i also have thyroid problems, doctor says my thyroid is at the bottom of the scale, but nothing she would treat, tho i have i goiter and feel its enough to effect me.

I also feel the same as you when it comes to my childen, mine are missing out on so much because of me.
After having my first child i developed anxiety and also was blessed with agoraphobia, although now i can leave the house now i still make excuses not to go anywhere!!!

My breathing is also my biggest problem and i spend alot of time gasping i guess? to make sure my throat is still open, the problem with us here is we shallow breath, we only use the upper part of our lungs and because i know this its kinda helps. the best thing to help when you are feeling bad is take deep breaths in through your nose counting slowly to seven then out through your mouth repeating this, also laying on your back placing a book on your belly taking deep breaths watching the book rise up and down also helps, and takes your mind of actually breathing.

I bet you breathing is fine until you actually think about it, then its like your body trys to take over from your brain to do it, right?

The weak/dizzy feeling comes from shallow breathing and lack of oxygen in the blood, but dont worry about that if you pass out your brain will naturally take over the breathing again and you will be fine.

I feel the best thing that will help you now is looking up breathing exercises and really putting effort into trying them, you will feel they dont help at the start, but i promise they do, just keep at it.

Good luck, and please just work on your breathing

[hannah]

sorry forgot to mention finally figured out the cause of my anxiety (in the last week, with the help of a doctor) and really feeling better just amazing weight lifted off my shoulders!!! my anxiety seems to becoming from really low self-esteem (no self-esteem) and feeling really down about my self, so i got my self some nice new clothes make abit of effort with some makeup again haha and wow im a new woman :D (im only 26) just something to think about :)

[lifeback]

Thank you for your reassurance. This stuff didnt start instantly after my son was born but shortly after i had things that would happen but i thought nothing of it. I would feel lightheaded or off balance. it progressed from there and I started having this crzy wave of tingly burning sensation through my body then I would feel like puking and passing out. Some days I had it on and off all day I could not function. Days that I was not getting the severe symptoms I just felt like I was 80 years old and could barely stand I felt so weak. I still get those days they come and go. I ended up pregnant with my daughter kind of an oops and had to deal with all this plus pregnancy. My iron was very low and I had a rough pregnancy due to all my issues. She is now 2 and my son is 4. I can function somewhat now and even go shopping once in a while but when I was very ill I could not eat I felt sick all day long, lost a ton of weight and could not even walk down the street. So I have come along way but I still have this dreaded cloud over my head and sense of doom like something bad is happening to me.
I fake a smile when I am around people and have become depressed over this. I just want to snap out of this because I dont feel like me anymore. I turned 30 recently and was depressed over that. I feel like I look in the mirror and I used to think I was somewhat attractive girl, now I see somebody with bags under her eyes and pale looking. I dont feel so great anymore and when I go Out I think people are looking at me and how sick I look and wondering what is wrong with me. They probably arent but that is how I feel Or look to myself.
Anyway I am staying strong because I do have my babies and I will do anything for them they are what keep me going.
My family have all stopped worrying about me and just make jokes about how much of a hypochodriac I am but it isnt funny at all really.
Anyway I am glad you are feeling better and it is nice to buy new clothes and feel good. I do once in a while get those days. Stay in touch and let me know how you are doing.
Thanks!!!

[lifeback]

Forgot to mention I have a very hard time trusting doctors. My aunt passed away due to them neglecting her symptoms, shortly after my grandpa passed away from cancer, I lost my husbands Grandpa last year and then my dog unexpectedly became ill and she was my baby!!! So yeah so much has happened but the thing is this all started before most of these things I just think all the deaths of loved ones have really kept this anxiety gong longer and I just feel like my life has fallen apart. I went from happy and meating the guy of my dreams to having babies and now this. I think also to I may have just had so many things and taken on so much responsibility so fast at age 25. Marriage my first house, my first child etc.... and still did not really know who I was.

[will]

Hi Lifeback,
sorry to hear about your loses. Life is tough enough and having anxiety on top of it can be very harsh at times. especially in today's times, life is so hectic and stressful that I think more and more people are becoming stressed out and developing health issues. I'm 29 now and about to turn 30!! It is amazing what that one little day can do!! But, do you really want to go back to being 18?? I dont!! I too feel a bit old and worn out. there are days where I feel like an old man and dont want to get out of bed. I think that is primarily all in my head. anxiety, and especially the physical symptoms that it creates, can make you feel very tired. then you start worrying about being tired and having to do so much and it becomes one big snowball!!
I have found that if I just get up and get moving and stay busy/active, the anxiety usually goes away. I will still have those feelings of, "what is happening to me", or "I am doing too much!!" but I try to push the negativity aside and focus on other things. It cann be the hardest thing in the world, but getting up and doing something tends to help.
As for docs, the irritate me too. They seem to just give the run-around sometimes because they are too afraid to make a wrong diagnosis. either that or they just arent as smart as they used to be.
Good luck
Will

[hannah]

hey again, was reading your reply and noticed you said "My family have all stopped worrying about me and just make jokes about how much of a hypochodriac I am but it isnt funny at all really."
After my second child was born i left their father, and my anxiety went away almost completly, then people/family started mocking me, laughing about times i use to lay on the chair shaking and things like that, now my anxiety is back and im to ashamed to tell people, i try and hide it, just always making excuses to get out of doing things.

I think to get better from anxiety you have to go through the same steps as if the anxiety was death......
- Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope

after 6 years i think im still at stage 2 - Denial, haha

another thing that really does not help with anxiety is reassurance, which is a fact, not what i think

so maybe its in our advantage not to have family support ;)