My story/symptoms - Please read!

[ChrisMayo]

Hello.

I've been on this site for a couple of years now, since my problems first started.

This post will probably be very long, but I'd really appreciate it if people could read and reply. Thank you!.

My problems first started in December 2006, I was under a lot of stress with work, relationships and taking on too much of everything. I got a normal cold, which lasted for a while. Then after running a big event (im an events producer), I started to feel dizzy and sick. I got home, and totally freaked out, and my heart was racing, I felt like I was going to pass out, went to A&E and they did an ECG while I was in there and took blood. They said I was fine, and that it was most probably a virus. Gave me antibiotics, etc, and sent me away.

Next few days I felt worse, and went to the doctor, worried. He ordered blood tests for Diabetes, Thyroid, Liver, and all the usual stuff. All came back negative.

I was back at the doctor every week, as I then had persistent headaches for two weeks, so I started worrying about brain tumours. He said it was most likely from stress, and eventually they got better, so I relaxed a bit.

Then over the coming months, I noticed a chance in my vision. I was more aware of my nose suddenly, and I had lots of floaters, visual snow, sparkly dots in my vision, and occasional black specks. My doctor did reaction test for obvious signs of a tumour, and tested my pupils, movement etc, and said there was nothing to worry about, and related to anxiety.

I then had an eye test, and described this, they said all was fine, and my vision was near perfect. Said that floaters are normal and I was just noticing it more than others.

I then went back to my doctors, convinced that I had got HIV from somewhere, as I had lost some weight, had another cold, had the persistent vision changes and some headaches, wouldnt go out of the house, and found it really hard to work. He said I was obviously suffering bad from anxiety and mild depression, and so put me on medication (I forget which one), that made me worse for a bit, then better for a while, then it made no difference, and I was still feeling ill.

So I went back, and he tried another tablet with me, Seroxat, this helped immensely, and more or less made me back to normal for a few months. I still had the vision thing, but wasnt so aware of it, and I was back to work, and doing normal things.

I tried to come off the tablets once, but had another bad spell, I went through a stage of getting very bad chest pains, panicking badly, and had an ambulance called out twice in 2 weeks. First time, they said I was fine, and that the anxiety was bringing it on. Second time, they did an on the spot ECG, and blood pressure, and again, said I was fine.

I then started getting stiff legs, a sore back, and headaches, which lasted for about a week. Spoke to my doctor and he again said it was down to my stress (I was still worrying about the HIV thing, and dealing with work), he said it would pass. And about a week or so later, it did.

This bring it up to last year. I was then still concerned about my vision, and was having constant tiredness, and found it very hard to use a computer because my computer vision was very blurry and the visual snow and floaters were worse on a screen.

I then had another eye test, and described the same thing, and asked her to check lots of tests as I was concerned. She asked if I was worried about a brain tumour, and I said yes, she almost laughed it off, and said my eyes were very healthy, it is something that I will just have to live with, and it is nothing to worry about.

Now, I have been off Seroxat for 6-8 months, and found it hard for the first month, but managed most of the time since then. Now I'm finding it very hard and have the following range of symptoms:

Persistent Visual Snow (Some days better)
Floaters
White sparkles in vision (worse when looking at white/pale backgrounds)
Contstant tiredness. Worse in mornings, and on computer.
Dry, heavy feeling in eyes
Muscle twitches (In between thumb and forefinger, in legs, arms etc)
Feeling hungry
Stomach problems. Go to the toilet a lot, stomach very noisy, etc.
Shaky feeling.
Feeling cold/hot.
Occasional headaches.
General panic. Worry about everything.
Very easily stressed.
Nausea
Loneliness
Very bad health anxiety.
Back ache
Muscle aches
Heart skips beat, once every so often, usually 3/4 times in one go, then back to normal (Had 2 ECGs over last 2 years)
Pulsing/Throbbing on temples, and random parts of body.

I still work in a stressful environment (I'm a comedian and events producer), and I worry about money a lot, and work, so I guess I am usually pretty busy. But no matter how much I try and relax, or take time out, or eliminate stress, I still have all these problems.

I've just had another batch of tests done, HIV (Negative), Diabetes, Thyroid, Liver Function, etc etc, done again (new doctors), so waiting for the results of those.

Also had another eye test done, went through the description of my problem in much more detail and explained my worries, again they said I was fine, no evidence or concern about tumours, or eye problems. Very healthy eyes, etc etc. They even took an image of the cord connecting the eye to the brain, to look for any problems, and they were perfect.

I've seen numerous doctors (at least 5), nurses (regular via NHS direct, and about 4 times over the last year at a walk in centre), counsellors (one counsellor, and just signed up for therapy), opticians (3 eye tests in the last 2 years), etc, and they all say im fine, despite the constant problems I have.

I know that most of the symptoms have gone away, or are temporary which makes me trust the anxiety diagnosis, but when I feel bad, im immediately back to worrying about cancer, tumours, MS, etc etc.

If anyone has any thoughts, or ideas, I would be really grateful.

So sorry I've taken up so much space!

I read pretty much all the posts on here, and they have been very encouraging, but, it would be nice to speak to people about my experiences, and see if anyone has similar.

Best Wishes and Happy New Year

Chris x

[FunPie]

Hello Chris.

Normally I would say see a doctor first, but you've been to more than several, and I think it is a fairly safe bet that you have nothing physically wrong with you. They pretty much give you the works, and a blood test (measuring sed rate, white and red blood cell count, etc.) should have cleared your worries about cancer, not to mention a barrage of other diseases, like inflammatory disease.

You have been given the standard test of a brain tumor. You don't have it. The blood test alone should have cleared it, but the eye test is just icing on the cake.

You sound healthy mate.

All of the symptoms listed don't lay outside the boundaries of stress. In other words, they can all be explained by your anxiety. As you said, you have a fear of developing a physical illness, which is common in people with anxiety, and this manifests as physical symptoms.

Almost everything listed is a commons symptom of anxiety except your vision problems, which does still happen in people with GAD.(generalized anxiety disorder) However, vision problems are common in a panic attack or state of near panic(limited attack), and judging by your first paragraph you sound like you've had them before.

I would go to a psychiatrist instead to check for a somatoform disorder. Don't worry, this just means that your body has psychosomatic reactions to stress, nothing that can kill you. Perhaps you are senstive to the physical symptoms of stress, which causes you more stress, which makes your physical symptoms worse, and so on. As you can see it is not a fun cycle.

[northstar]

hi chris, sorry to see you struggling for so long :( i'm just wondering, with all these tests have you ever looked at diet as a possible cause for the problems (apart from the diabetes test of course)? a lot of the symptoms you describe can be linked to diet issues e.g headaches, nausea, shakiness, hunger, panic, stress, anxiety, vision problems, muscle twitches, constant tiredness, heart palpitations etc. it may be worth looking into it, going to see a nutritionist to look at what and how you're eating to see if they can help. it may be down to something as simple as a a food intolerance, lack of particular nutrients or low blood sugar.

the key to my own issues with anxiety was discovering the link between blood sugars and anxiety, if you'd like to know a bit more about it then look at the secion in this post about hypoglycemia: http://www.anxietyforum.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4087

hope this is helpful! :)

[ChrisMayo]

Hello!

Thanks to both of you for your comments.

Im down on a list for a counsellor and im seeing a nutritionist in 2 weeks, so hopefully both those things will help.

My new years resolution is to get up earlier, and to eat healthier, so hopefully amongst other things, these will improve things a bit.

Will have a read of the post too.

Thanks to you both.

Cx

[northstar]

that's great news about the nutritionist and also the counsellor! i've no doubt you'll find them both helpful :) good luck, and do let us know if you find yourself getting better!

[elgrande]

Yeah I totally agree that after the extensive tests you have underwent its highly unlikely to being a physical problem. I actually picked up on one of your more unusual symptoms (being more aware of your nose in your vision) as this is something I get all the time. Its a really strange feeling as its like being conscious of being conscious if that makes sense!

[Evelyn]

Hey Chris,
I read the message you sent me about obsessively thinking you're ill. Like I said on my last post I have a way of 'self diagnosing' terrible illnesses like MS and diabetes. Even though I know from various medical exams I don't have them, I think it's the thought of having it that scares me. Very odd indeed. After reading you post just now I can relate to your vision problems (one of the reasons I went for a diabetes test) I get floating shapes, light sensitivity, problems reading and white specs. I had them really bad during mu dizziness but now I only get them when I'm tired or run down. Strangely they've never botherd me too much , at least not enough to set of my anxiety. I have also got the cold/hot thing going on, sometimes feels like water is running down my limb. Have you tried having a massage that REALLY helped me. I hope you'll be feeling more like yourslef soon. x

[ChrisMayo]

Hey.
Thanks for the further posts. Always interested to hear other peoples experiences. I find it helps a lot to talk to people.

Usually when I get a new symptom I will ring up the NHS (Health service in UK) as they have nurses to give you advice, it does no real help as they cant diagnose, but just talking to someone, usually makes my symptoms go away.

Then when im on my own again, I start to notice things and panic. As I'm on the computer all the time too, my weird vision is really noticeable. If i'm outside with friends, or just keeping busy, I dont think about it.

So frustrating though, because it just seems to be never ending, not really getting worse, but always something there that's wrong.

Grr
x

[will]

Hey,
Sorry to hear about your continuing saga. Everything you described, doctors visits, as well as physical symptoms point to a serious case of anxiety!! I think you probably know that already but it can be good to hear too.
I also get anxiety about my health. In fact that is the only thing that really triggers it. I get a cold and think I am about to die!!! I have to constantly ask my wife if she thinks I will get better to the point where she gets pretty anoyed with me. But just hearing someone say that I will be fine is very reassuring.
I had the eye things as well. Specks, floaty things and blurred vision. I have thought that I had a brain tumor as well but I have come to accept that I just have anxiety.
I dont have any more advice than the others hear. You are not alone man!!! I hope that you can settle down a little.
Will

[Punk Rock Steve]

Hello Chris...I'm just getting around to reading your post and it's like looking in the mirror for me. I have constantly thought for a VERY long time time that I have cancer of some sort or maybe MS, or something else. It really IS horrible. I, however, rarely go to the doctor out of fear. I've been sick quite a bit this winter and had the flu a few weeks ago and still don't feel right. I smoke, which I'm hoping to get the courage up to stop soon, and as a result I always think I have lung cancer. Have thought this on and off for years. I'm sure that when I eventually DO stop smoking I will feel better. To the best of my knowledge, no one in my family has died of cancer....heart disease, yes, so I probably shouldn't worry about the cancer so much. Now last summer I had a complete set of blood tests done and everything was normal, including white blood cell count. The doc also listened to my lungs and said I sounded fine with no wheezing. I also have a lot of the other symptoms that you have, even have the floaters pretty bad. Another issue that I have is that I am afraid to fall asleep at night due to the fear that I will die during the night, and of course, not know it :) All's I can say is that we all have to hang in there and do what is right for each of us to get better. I've been seeing a therapist since the fall which is helping me a lot, but it IS a lot of work to make one self better. I take a low dose of Xanax (.75 to 1mg a day) which helps for a few hours here and there. I've been sober for 8 years which is a whole other battle that anxiety doesn't help. As you can see from the other replies that you received, you're not alone. The mind can be a terrible neighborhood to hang out in...It's tough, but some how most of us manage to hang in there and try to make things better, one day at a time....sometimes one hour at a time :)

[Fudge]

Hi Chris, I'm new here.. but had to reply when I read your first post in this thread.

What struck me is I've had a very similar experience. Let me give you a bit of background to what happened to me.


Firstly, I believe I've had anxiety issues starting when I was very young. I'm under the suspicion that most of it is caused by low self esteem which was caused by a lack of support growing up, especially because of my difficult relationship with my father. Fast forward a number of years to my 20's and I began to notice a lot of physical issues coming up out of nowhere. The first one that struck me was getting cold hands, random tension, brain fog and muscle pains. Soon after, it escalated and began to get worse. I began getting hits of major exhaustion for no reason, followed by pretty bad digestive problems. At the time I didn't know what it was, so I went to see my doctor, who basically brushed it off at the time. Not far after though, I started having more issues. I began to get tinnitus, floaters, chest pain, circulation problems in my left arm, including all the other issues. As a result, this sent me to the ER, where they tested my heart, blood and everything they could to see if possibly I was having a heart attack. Turns out I wasn't. As I kept on doing my usual thing it kept coming back, but I would continue to get worse and worse. I started getting painful saliva glands (where all my saliva would stop for hours at a time) and swollen feet, I was peeing like crazy and my urine was smelling sweet and was very dark and concentrated. I thought oh no.. I'm diabetic. So I went to the doctor, had tests and turned out, again, I was fine. I was repeatedly tested for different ailments, but everything came back negative. I thought maybe I had HIV, or some Auto Immune disease, because everything was coming back negative.. or that maybe I had some sort of fungal infection, because on the internet they say its not widely tested for. You name it, I was trying to figure out what was going on because every time I went to the doctor, everything came like nothing was wrong even though every symptom I had was very very real. When it got to its worst, I was having what felt like bone pain and arthritis... after this time My doctor suggested that my issues were so vast that chances I was stressed. Hearing this, I went into a frenzy of denial because usually my symptoms would appear when I was calm. But over time I started to investigate whether he was right. So I began taking notes as to when these symptoms would appear and disappear, and whether there was some sort of stressful event happening in relation to it. Right off the hop, I began to see a pattern. Every time I would get stressed out (which I didn't know was really anxiety), my symptoms would come up. Sometimes they would take a while, like up to a day to manifest, but they would always develop. After looking into it further.. I began to see that this stress I was feeling was actually anxiety and fear, and that because I had it for so long in my life I didn't really take notice of it. It wasn't until I figured this out that the feedback loop I was creating became easy to see .. to the point where I could let it go. Now I still the same anxiety that I've always gotten, but because I understand its nature a bit more, its not as bad as it was (though sometimes my brain still attaches to something and picks up steam). The health issues still happen, but they're reduced thankfully.

Anyways, I don't know if this will help you at all. But rest assured, that you're not the only one who's been through this. Its a bumpy road, but whats the point of living if you're constantly on a nicely paved freeway.

Good luck!!

[Kierkegaard]

Chris,

I'm new here too, and I've suffered from generalized anxiety disorder (and depression, a few times) off and on over the past 25 years. After some good years, I've had a relapse during the past year or so. I recognized myself in your account of your symptoms and experiences, and because of that -- and the fact that you've had some pretty extensive medical tests and reassurances from doctors -- I'm really sure that your symptoms are all related to stress and anxiety. I wish I felt that certain about my own symptoms -- but that's the nature of the beast. What has always floored me is that my body can give me such a bewildering variety of symptoms, some of them so bizarre and intricate, that I'm constantly fooled and yanked back into believing that there MUST be something wrong with my heart, or I have cancer, or my liver is failing, or my body is descending into total chaos.

In my case, my symptoms generally cluster around three areas: indigestion (and I've experienced every possible kind), lightheadedness or fuzzy-headedness, and spells of weakness or tiredness. Over time, I seem to switch back and forth from one cluster to the other.

Unlike you, I avoid going to doctors unless the symptoms become overwhelmingly frightening. Since I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and am on meds for them, I have to go at least every six months to have blood work done and get my vital signs checked, so at least I can point to some tests as reassurance that I'm not dying. Somehow, though, folks like us can always conjure up enough doubt to generate more worry.

I was on Paxil (Seroxat) when I had a major depression and stayed on a lower dose for several years after that. I've been thinking of going back on it.

Cheers,
Doug E.

[Punk Rock Steve]

Hello Doug...this thread has been really good for me because I've been going through HELL lately with all the symptoms I get and all the negative "I have lymphoma, I have lung cancer, I have blah blah..." thoughts. Unlike Chris and like you, I don't go to the doctor often except to get the usual series of blood tests, which, so far, have shown that I'm not dying. I'm 55 years old (though I'm told I look younger) and even my prostate test came up good last summer....but still, I CONSTANTLY f*#king worry! This just plain out SUCKS! Just needed to vent a little...thanks for your post :)

[Kierkegaard]

Hi Steve,

I know what you're going through. I'm there too! Have you noticed any connection between your anxiety and what else is going on in your life/the world? My symptoms started ramping up after the death of a good friend a couple of years ago, which also made me painfully aware of the passage of time and aging (I'm 48, my brother is 55, and my parents are 80+ -- how did we all get so old?? ). Maybe this is a bit of midlife crisis too. Also, the state of the economy doesn't exactly inspire cheer. I'm facing the possibility of unemployment this summer, and though I have savings to tide me over for a good while, it just adds to the general feeling of uncertainty. Still, I guess I should be glad that things aren't worse.

Another thing I noticed among the folks in this thread is how many of us are bothered not only by "abnormal" symptoms, but also normal ones like floaters. In the past few years my eyesight has gotten worse (perfectly normal for someone in their 40's), but it sometimes bugs me more than it should. I feel handicapped without my glasses, and handicapped because I have to wear them more and more. Just another thing that adds to the general feeling that my body is falling apart.

Take care,
Doug E.