An introduction

[DiamondSea]

Hello, everyone. This is my first post on these forums and probably not my last. About myself... I am 18 years old and have been struggling with anxiety for as long as I can remember. When i was a young boy i had irrational fears such as of getting my haircut and being alone in the dark (typical childhood fears). I sometimes had an occasional panic attack when i was about 9 or so and i didn't really understand it at the time. My anxiety subsided in my early teen years, until i started becoming a habitual drug user. Being on drugs slowly began to make me panic. Not understanding what was happening, i continued until i began to panic not even under the influence. That was about a year and a half ago. I have not done a drug since then and i don't plan on it either. My anxiety, now surfaced, had began to shape my future in the next couple years up until this point. At first I was immensely afraid and obsessed with my own mortality. I thought about when i'd die; Would it be soon? This exact second? The thought of it terrified me. Notifying my mother, I started going to therapy, which i cant say helped or not as it was so short lived. My Therapist's initial diagnosis was Existential crisis. I was prescribed zoloft which i took for the months afterwards. It seemed to help to an extent. Besides this, my other medication was (and still is) spending time on my computer, mind occupied. My obsession started to take shape into "Fear of being under the influence". I began to fret over the thought of psychosis. The fears range from thoughts of food being drugged, to thoughts of losing control of my body, ETC ETC. It is still currently this way. i stopped taking it recently because my bottle ran out. I thought nothing of it. A month passed and i decided to start again (last week) because i was beginning to feel anxious and a bit depressed again. I stupidly took the pill on an empty stomache and suffered a severe panic attack at 4am because of it. 4 days have passed since then and I'm still recovering from it. I'm fairly sure this is rock bottom. I'm incredibly debilitated, just going outside is hard. I came on to this forum to find someone to talk to. I myself am also very friendly and good at listening. You can reach me on my yahoo messenger: Julianrulesdude, or my AIM account: Julianpwnsu

[danstelter]

First of all-good work on identifying the drug problem and kicking the habit! This is a huge step for anyone, particularly someone at your age! Next, did the paranoid thoughts/fear of losing control of your body still occur with Zoloft? Did zoloft increase or decrease these thoughts? Zoloft is one of those medications that you need to take every day. If you just stop taking medications like Zoloft suddenly, your brain will become "upset" for lack of a better term, and this may cause the problems you are seeing. It is one of those drugs that you have to be "weened" off of under guidance of a doctor. If you think this medication is not working for you, get off of it in a safe way and talk to your doctor, or see a new one if he will not help you. Send me a PM if you need further advice.

[DiamondSea]

Thanks for the reply, Well. I'm not really sure if it was the medicine helping or not. When i was on it, i seemed to have a fluxuation of good and bad days. Sometimes i had anxiety and sometimes i was relaxed. At one point the majority of my fears subsided. I was on zoloft at this time. Where i saw the most progress was was with therapy as i had a very good therapist. I hadn't seen my therapist since i stopped going to meetings UNTIL the other day. So I'm going to take that as i sign and start seeing him again. the zoloft is kind of starting to help again, I was able to go out a bit and run an errand which was in itself a feat. Nights are where most of my troubles begin though since there is nothing to occupy my mind, that seems to be the biggest way to help it to be quite honest. Again, I came on this board to meet and talk to people, so anyone interested in conversing with me should click the Aim or Yahoo buttons below this message.