Moving On

[Ponder]

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I will lead with an image I am pleased to say I recently took. I would certainly do well to get back into the spirit of likewise thoughts & scenes

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https://i.ibb.co/2ZrjVXd/New-Project.jpg



Please forgive the interruptions. I will let those responses reflect the source that projects as it only knows how. One can only hope such attitudes change over time. Is how I wish it for myself knowing full well how much I add to my own pain as well as others. In the meantime it's back to only focusing on what helps one move forward without the hassle of my text being removed. Same as usual to keep it clean → recommend leaving those ignore boxes packed up if your looking to avoid the unsightly images, negative comments and ultimately continuous low vibes. If not yet done so - please consider using the forum ignore feature by 'clicking' on the 'offender's name' - 'view profile' - then select 'add to ignore list'

[Ponder]

Even after having had a long history associated with the negative aspects of relgion that have corrupted me on many levels, I can't deny that some scriptures do in fact, offer up insightful texts: Matthew 7:15-20 NKJV - You Will Know Them by Their Fruits

Further translations and explanations can be found → Here (https://biblehub.com/matthew/7-16.htm)

Home is not a string of characters we cut and past into a bar. It's trouble enough with high density forum traffic and or coven like groups, but also another kettle of fish regarding the pretentious nature that internet aliases spawn. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? I would say that this day and age they most certainly are. All it takes to find peace is find one tree that offers up one piece of fruit without one obligation. These things we can give to ourselves. This is why this homing pigeon always returns. Of course it goes far deeper than that in ways words cannot define. The closest terms can get in the most simplest of ways: Home is where the heart is. Matters little who first coined such a phrase as such glorifications do more to taint the sentiment than to promote it.

I am thankful to be back in this space where all you do is offer me up more opportunities in which to ground myself. Biblical text for me is not set in stone and I actually don't think it ever was. I find the lesson for me is to learn how to pick a grape and or a fig whilst living in a world full of thorns. The rewards are so much sweeter compared to a world full of gluttony. There are many paths to the same thing. The context of that scripture still stands though.

Just looking at the index in this forum kind of says is all in reference to that tree. Me ... I'm like Meh ... is good to be back in a barren world where I enjoy creating nests where no one else would. I enjoy many games that offer such a grind. I have my moments where I give in but over the long run I know my true nature and historically speaking much of what I write about I do from a healing space that offers up so much more that the twisted concepts known as obligations, contributions, conditions and expectations. To be sure these things in the nature world come into play that life can continue but are not define with such corrupted words.

I'm going to link → this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p0InFzI_Jg) [4 minutes] one again as whilst it applies to us all on both sides of the fence - it does help me to learn in not just dealing with others but also with myself during those times I have no tolerance.



... and this one - Whilst confronting to watch on many levels - It shows well how people are easily controlled and abused in all manner of ways. There is a huge push going on in the world right now to have us all regress into such a state.

It's already happening - People are just to blind to see it.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81PyH5TH-NQ

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Just Scroll Until You Get To The Good Stuff.

https://i.ibb.co/7pc6T6X/ingnor.png



(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p0InFzI_Jg)The best thing I love about this photo is not just having got out of bed to take it - but there is no one to be seen it. Peace at its finest.

https://i.ibb.co/XpgxLcq/predawn-light-28455980493-o.jpg

[GrimReaper]

It's because this fucktard can't handle dealing with more than one troll at a time. It overwhelms his retarded brain. That's why he continues to believe his "one troll theory."

By the way, Ponder,
nobody gives a FUCK about any of your shit.
Shut your goddamn mouth, son. Fuck Jesus. Fuck God. Fuck the Bible. And fuck you. Go to fucking Hell, bitch.

[GrimReaper]

Meh. Shut the fuck up, you stupid cunts. Nobody gives a shit about Ponder or his pathetic drama. The trolling of Peter Ross Anderson must continue.

[Ponder]

I've been talking to myself ever since I was born and perfectly fine with it. Now being in touch with who I really am is entirely another thing and something that is very important to me. The more you yell and scream the more I tune into what makes me ... me. Please do continue:



This one I took around the time I joined this forum ... Meta Data indicated taking on the:

https://i.ibb.co/kcBwP1c/Date.png I am all about this my friend. Continue to rage as you must. I did it for many years knowing full well that without bouts of letting go I could not sustain such an existence. I'm still here and whilst still full of us much confusion and rage will continue to advocate the benefit of talking to oneself but more so in a way that accepts faults and all. If you want to continue dragging them up then go for it ... mine and others ... matters little to me when I ponder the things that have had a positive influence on my life. I still have a kindling in me for appreciation. It's just the kind this world would rather that not be. I'm tired of late but you best get used to the idea that I'm back here and in this much needed mode for some time yet. In the meantime I take solace in the following; its point of origin and ending. Until next post. May you yourself find a better focal point.

https://i.ibb.co/2PdPn8T/50mmf221tubes-010-10081130336-o.jpg

[Ponder]

Not farmiliar with that one ... BUT ... I can link a thread full of likewise venting from several years ago.

WARNING Content ->Raw Emotion - My head space and Check List. (http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?24817-WARNING-Content-gt-Raw-Emotion-My-head-space-and-Check-List) [01-23-2014, 09:55 AM]


There is 106 pages to that thread with a number of participants, some of which have had very traumatic lives. As much as you try to holding others back, I stand by my statement in full confidence that I have the abilty to move on despite my faults. Talking to myself the way in which I often do has helped a lot with acceptance and moving on. I also acknowledge the many connections I have made along the way regardless of the impermanent nature of said attachments. Those people have helped me too. Even the one's I yelled at in the past; plus those the yelled at me too. You see growing up is all about letting go and not carrying on in such an immature way that clings to the past like a baby whining for the nipple.

That's old news my friend and even during those times I give in and decide to once again cling - in much the same fashion - as anyone else having a good vent: - It's all about balance.

It's pretty obvious you have many more laps to go before you settling done and finding one's head.

If you don't mind ... I got a lot of work to do in my online simulated world.

We can pick this up when I get back.

Take care and all that.

Shalom ...

[GrimReaper]

Go talk to a wall or something, retard.

[Ponder]

I think letting things linger on that last note is where I need to be right now. Like a could of smog dissipating until such a time I can easily breathe. Part of moving is very much about letting go. I feel I have made been clear enough for now.

In such times silence can be key. Currently restoring my energy.

[Ponder]

Well my good friend, given the algorithm that when multiple users names engage in a thread, that thread results in a 5 star rating ... it would seem I own you some gratitude; if I were to really care about such things. I don't.

But ... many thanks.

I'm still restoring my energy and somewhat out of sync but hopefully will be back to my usual self in good time. Between the two of us and this space still being here - it kind of boggles my mind. I am sure it does others as well.

I hope your able to find solace whatever the contention that exits and or not. Don't you find it at all draining.

Like does it really matter who you or I claim you to be Vs the energy in which it takes to just keep dragging it all on.

[Ponder]

Looking to up date Dxs for future recourse and having to resort to ongoing appointments for medication during this period. Pretty much sums it up for my at his stage. Had a few tears at todays session ... still need time to just ride whatever it is out.

[Ponder]

If I really cared what others thought, do you think I would be in a forum that has been all but trashed by a troll such as yourself? tired and wearing down, but the only one looking stupid here is you the more you open your mouth. The only thing people don't have time for in here anymore is yourself. The process in which I move on will be a far cry from anything you can fathom or have the strength for. Every post you make shows just how far off the charts your condition is. Keep it up ... I'm not reading you in any other place and care less what you think. I actually have friends and am grateful for that. I do have issues like many other people that get older in life, but what you go on with in here is far more utter bullshit than anything I offer up.

Your a cancer in need of spreading - go your hardest. Your attempt to kick people when they are down just plays into how this whole program works. You not so hard to handle ... all in good time. Keep dribbling as you must. I got a few more bibs I can pass on yet.

[gypsylee]

Well my good friend, given the algorithm that when multiple users names engage in a thread, that thread results in a 5 star rating ... it would seem I own you some gratitude; if I were to really care about such things. I don't.

But ... many thanks.

I'm still restoring my energy and somewhat out of sync but hopefully will be back to my usual self in good time. Between the two of us and this space still being here - it kind of boggles my mind. I am sure it does others as well.

I hope your able to find solace whatever the contention that exits and or not. Don't you find it at all draining.

Like does it really matter who you or I claim you to be Vs the energy in which it takes to just keep dragging it all on.


Ponder, don't feed this troll seriously. This is one sick individual who will just waste your time.

[gypsylee]

I already told your stupid ass that I'm not the guy making all of these accounts. The guy doing it is living in YOUR shitty country, across in Perth. I also asked you months ago if you could help me to report him, since I am from Scotland, and they don't bother to listen to complaints from callers who are overseas, and you refused on the grounds it made you feel "uncomfortable."

Still doesn't take away from the fact you're a backstabber and I thought you could help me get him dealt with.

So nobody has any plight for your blogging and whining anymore.

Getting a nasty condescending tone there Pedro. A bit like "James".

[Ponder]

Thanks Gypsy. I will do just that.

The power goes out today from 8am to 2pm. That's going to hard to deal with things being what they are this day and age. Really wish I had kept my gaming laptop and a BIG battery bank to keep it gong all day.

I'll keep this one short like the others.

My therapist is going to help me put my name on the government housing list, arrange for me to see a psychiatrist and help me find medicine to help me sleep as well as add on depression and agoraphobia just to keep my headspace up to date in a system that relies and said paperwork.

I'm not in a rush to go out and live on my own since now been well over 30 years with the same person and pretty much had kids in the house even after most of the others grew up and eventually move out minus one and now another one. I'm just too old and no longer able to sustain it is all.

That said things are hard given the dynamics in the house. Two of us with mental illness, three with ASD and then my wife also starting to develop lingering disorders as a result of her own slowly but unremitting debilitating conditions is all starting to become too much.

I am quite fearful about it all. It's a long waiting list so wont happen any time soon but still though ... it's all on my mind.

The neighbor next door must be feeding off my energy as he just keeps gawking at me like some kind of idiot wanting me to snap whilst he watches his dog shit on the front lawn with a sense of pride.

Chuckles to self ...

Oh well ... the power will be out soon. All good.

Thanks again gypsylee

I do hope this finds you well.

It really only took one little comment like that to lighten up my day.

Your right on the mark again as usual.

I'll find a space one of these days. Just so much BS out their today that I would rather put up with in here for now and like they say ... That's saying something!"

[GrimReaper]

How the tables have turned! You rightfully deserve this twist of events, Peter Ross Anderson.

[Ponder]

Quite a few late nights and even a few I never slept. This is a new thing for me of late. That said I best watch something on telly to wind down as still feeling a bit drained and edgy of late.

[Ponder]

Got a lot going on today. Too much. Just want to log in that I at least felt like writing something which is a good sign. I really dislike this rush rush world. Look forward to getting back when I can write about the things I do.

[GrimReaper]

Got a lot going on today.

I'm glad to hear that. May more bad luck come to you, faggot.

[Ponder]

Not sure what else to do at this stage of the game. In a lot of pain but that's OK. In a world bent on tests and prodding, I have resigned myself to instead just wait for the ambulance to either pick up my lifeless body or simply just put me ahead of the queue. Everything in-between just leads to the same thing and in cases for those like myself ... just adds more suffering than it's worth.

That about sums up for today. Despite the pain ... and continuing meltdowns off line ... I for today will at least smile. It's good I still have at least one good friend IRL I can count on. It helps. I feel for those who do not. Harboring ill will is also a killer. This also being a reason that today I allow myself just to smile despite the sorrow and pain.

[PeterAndersonIsARacist]

Maybe you could be an astronaut, and go to unexplored planets. :)

What an absolute fucking cock you are. Regardless what you think about Dave, what made you think that was an appropriate response to that (clearly distressed) post? And you wonder why nobody likes you. Have you never wondered why the only person who still will even give you the time of day is a superannuated manchild with more than a passing resemblance to a Monty Python gumby, who can barely manage a coherent sentence beyond the word "Train!"? You are an evil detestable smegstain, and an embarrassment to potatoes everywhere.
Tania must be so proud of her little cunt-turd.

[Ponder]

You really should check out that leaflet gypsy took the trouble to pass on. :P

Feeling better today. :)