Stupid thoughts doing my head in

[xxfairybluxx]

Hey, i've been having anxious and obsessive thoughts for about three years. I've toyed with the idea of seeing a therapist but I don't want to go to one. Im afraid that I wouldn't be able to explain how I've been feeling and i'd worry about what my family and friends thought. I want to try and get better myself but I don't think its going to happen because of the nature of my anxious thoughts.

Basically, I'm really scared that I don't think or feel properly. For example, when i'm talking to somebody, I worry that i'm not thinking about what their saying properly or that i'm going to respond inappropriately. I really don't want to do this obviously, but worrying about having a mental block gives me one. Because i obsess about saying something stupid or not thinking properly, I can't concentrate on what they're saying which fuels the belief that I can't think, so its like a vicious circle. Does that make sense?

I just want to feel happy and carefree again, then Im sure that everything else would improve. I know deep down that this is an irrational fear and that its the fear thats making me think these things. However, im sure that others on the forum can relate to the fact that knowing this doesn't necessarily change anything.

[Canary]

I also have a hard time talking to people because i worry i'm saying the wrong thing, and am going to embarrass myself. I think I'm awkward, but how i handle myself when i'm obsessing on not being awkward actually makes me more awkward and uncomfortable. When I have these thought i try to put myself in the other persons shoes. No one would actually watch someone they're talking to and try to find flaws. They are just interested in what I have to say.

Try to remember the last time you saw someone embarrass themselves. Maybe someone tripped and stumbled on some stairs. How long afterwords did you think about them? How long was it until you forgot about the incident completly and went on with your life? People have much better things to do than think about your minor screw ups and embarassments, because these incidents happen to every one every day.

Maybe at least try seeing a therapist. They are trained to talk to people who have our problem, and are used to seeing people with anxiety. Anxiety is a problem kind of like any temporary and curable disease. No one is going to think any of less of you if you see a therapist, really.

Peace