Anxiety and Depersonalization are taking over my life...

[HelloWorld]

Hi everyone
I've had a dissorder called "depersonalization dissorder" for about a year and a half now. For those of you who don't know what it is, it is a dissorder that is braught on by some sort of traumatic experience (I think) and basically, people with this dissorder will get episodes of frightening outer-body experiences, sometimes they are frequent, and other times not. Sometimes it is more severe than others. The episode feels like I'm detatched from reality. Like I'm standing on a line between fake and real, or like I'm in a dream. It feels like I can observe my own body from outside of my body. It's trippy, but terrifying.

I've had DP for a year and a half, but my anxiety has only been apparent for about 5 months. At the moment, I'm always anxious about something.

First off, I have the anxiety of getting one of those episodes of depersonalization when I'm in public, and I can never enjoy myself because of that. Also, it seems to happen a lot in music class, and now that its happened a few times in music class, I always go into that class worried sick, and end up getting it because I'm so fixed on not getting it. Sorry if I'm not making sence, I'm trying hard to.

Next, I'm afraid of getting a heart attack. Out of nowhere. I'll be in class, and start worrying about having a heart attack, or at a friends house, and once I start thinking about it, my left arm feels wierd, because I recently learned that the left arm is effected when having a heart attack. I'm sure that if I didn't know that, I wouldn't have this problem, because it's all psychological. Even so, I get a numb left arm, or some sort of discomfort there, because I'm scared of getting a heart attack.

Also, I used to love doing oral presentations, or being in front of a crowd. I'm very extroverted, but lately, I'm not at all. When I get in front of a crowd or my class to do an oral or to play music or something, I'll be so scared of getting another DP episode or something, or of getting a heart attack, that everything mentionned above will happen while I'm in front of the audience. Every oral I've done in the past 5 months, I've gotten up on stage or in front of the class, talked for about 30 seconds, then BAM, head spinning, once it stops, I feel my depersonalization.

I'm a serious musician. My one dream is to play shows with my band, which we haven't quite done YET, but we will soon. How can I do that with all this anxiety on my back? And with my depersonalization problem. If there's one biggest reason that I want to feel normal again, it's to be able to play shows and enjoy it.

I'm 15 years old. This isn't normal.
I feel like my life is being quickly wasted because of these problems.
Please help me out.
Any tips? Words of wisome? Advice? Anything is really appreciated. :)

[sarah30]

Well, Iam now 30 years old and have lived with panic and anxiety my whole life. yes, dp is very common with panic disorders. But, don't worry your not having a heart attack your too young for that. Don't worry I have thought I was gonna have a heart attack only a million times. Sounds like you have a panic disorder or your developing one. I wish when I was your age I would have got some therapy. So my suggestion to you is to see maybe a counselor. You are so young and have so much life to live. Its is trying at times to have a panic issue. I remember when panic attacks use to be my worst fear. But, I will tell you that DP beats them all, Iam in a bad case of dp right now comes and goes. But, I know it will not last forever. Pray and ask the lord to help you through these hard times. He is all we have. God Bless

[dave64]

Next, I'm afraid of getting a heart attack. Out of nowhere. I'll be in class, and start worrying about having a heart attack, or at a friends house, and once I start thinking about it, my left arm feels wierd, because I recently learned that the left arm is effected when having a heart attack. I'm sure that if I didn't know that, I wouldn't have this problem, because it's all psychological. Even so, I get a numb left arm, or some sort of discomfort there, because I'm scared of getting a heart attack.

You sound just like me. A month ago I was having to attend CPR training and all I could do was think about.....that could be me.

Even though all tests seem to indicate my heart is fine the thoughts still persist about having a heart attack.

[IzzyB]

I'm 32 and I've had my share of panic attacks that lead to depression and DP. I just went through a serious episode of DP that lasted for a few weeks (the longest for me).
I "googled" the definition of DP and then what stratgies are out there.

Most of the information I found, stated that those of us who suffer from DP, need to be patient, trust that IT will go away and have FAITH.

Write in a personal journal....write how you feel...write...write...write.

Then, tell yourself that YOU WILL live in the present moment.
YOU WILL be anxiety free.

1. Look into councelling for sure
2. Look into Meditiation classes

You are not too young. My first experience with DP was when I was 19.

YOU CAN DO IT ;)

[broadwaymaven]

I think the most helpful thing for me has been being able to find other people who have the same things happening as I did. I've had anxiety problems on and off for about 15 years. They started for me right around the same age as you did after my parents divorced, my brother had a stroke, and my father came out of the closet. Some things I've learned in therapy:

- taking deep belly breaths will actually help biologically. My psychologist explained that taking these deep breaths will force your body to relax. It really works.

- a lot of the fears about having the anxiety attacks and the like in public is very common. Usually it has something to do with the fear that you can't get out if you need to and that you feel like everyone is staring at you. My psychologist explained to me that there are very few situations where you cannot leave the space you are in to be a lone until you calm down. I also have come to realize that most people don't see the panic that you are feeling. My family and friends know mine after 15 years because I always do the same thing when I start to panic. But the average person don't notice. Once I realized this, I can usually calmly excuse myself to the bathroom to get a breath of fresh air. I go outside and take deep breaths or splash water on my face. It usually does wonders.

- allowing fear to get in the way of your life will leave you with regrets down the line. Also, if you find real joy in what you are doing, you can focus on that joy and the happiness you have while participating in those things. When you are happy and laughing and having fun, it becomes real work to be stressed out. Self talk helps a lot. I LOVE musical theater. Going and watching or participating in productions. When I start to get anxious during a show, I just try and explain to myself how wonderful the show is and how much fun I am having. I force myself to smile and take deep breaths and laugh (when appropriate). You'd be surprised how soon you find that you really are feeling great.

- also, I used to get panic attacks on the metro on the way to work every day. soon I was terrified to go to work because I'd have to take metro. Then one day, I realized that I took the metro for decades without any problem. I started to realize that my fears were irrationable. In addition to that, I keep in mind that I can always leave.

You are so young and full of potential. Seek help from you friends, family and a professional. When I was your age I started by talking to the school counselor and one of my favorite teachers. Eventually I saw a psychologist and told my friends about it. The more people I told about it, the more comfortable I've become. People will show how much they care and you won't feel alone. You are never alone because we will be here for you on the boards.

Good luck! And please keep with the music.