New to the forum, old "friend" of anxiety.

[noekster]

Hi all,

I'm new to the forum and would like to meet, chat, exchange tips with people who have been "friends" with the black dog/anxiety as well.
I'm a female in my late 20's currently taking clonazepam 1.5 mg/day, seroxat 10 mg/day and pregabalin when needed/desired.
Recently had a little trial and error with Topamax to see if I could shed some kilos after gaining 8 kilos in 3 months on Pregabalin on my usually small frame... didn't work to well for me.
I'm seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist for what started off as agitated depression (2nd time around) and is now just merely referred to as an anxiety problem big enough to represent the rest of the country with.
Yes, I am very hung up on my therapists and am protective like a hen over them... somebody else on another forum tried to convince me to ditch both the therapists and the medication. If only things were so easy!

I go in fases... will be doing fine and some stress comes along, ticks me off, and back at square one. Just don't seem to have very much backbone when it comes to facing the realities of life.
I tend to hide, only feel relaxed when I have my benzo's at hand, phone switched off and curtains closed.
Just lost another job 2 days ago after I simply couldn't find the strength to go anymore... exhaustion of people pleasing, anxiety of not performing to standard, tired of keeping up appearances, terrified that people are seeing straight through me and see the person that I really am. Which is weak.
Stepped of the bus to work and hysterically walked to my psych's office... I'm lucky to be surrounded health practitioners that really care.
The assistant sat and listened to me for hours as my psych was out and managed to check with me on the phone afterwards even.
Talk about really caring for your patients... I know I'm lucky!
Now back to square one yet again... Benzo's, curtains closed and phone switched off. Where is the f-ing end of this?
I wanna be able to function in society like any other but I'm just about to give up.
Anybody would like to share their story with me and hopefully find some mutual strength?

Look forward to hearing from you!

[danstelter]

Yes, I've been in a similar place in my life too. This is a good time period for you to relax and do something fun for yourself. Because of your anxiety condition, the anxiety builds up and gets to be too much to bear at some periods in time. But, rather than just giving up and viewing this as the end of the road, this is a good time to refresh yourself, compliment yourself on the progress you've made, and realize this is just another bump in the road. You can and will get better; the worst thing you can do is give up and quit at this point. If you can keep just enough in the tank to keep going, you will find success, happiness, and relief! Just hang in there!

[noekster]

Thank you Dan.

That is just what I might do... Having fun is essential, simple things like going to the children's farm have proven to lift my mood in the past.

I just very much dread trying to find a new job... this was my first job in months and after just a week and half I gave up.
I think I should look out for a career change, I've always worked in fashion but it might not be the place for me anymore.
There is no place for weakness in that industry and I entered again at I high profile position resulting in a major meltdown.
Maybe dog-walking would be better suitable at this time hahaha!
Which could be my fun activity as well!

How did you overcome your anxiety in the end?
Is there light at the end of the tunnel?