Who am I ..? Identity Crisis

[Littlebobo]

Hello,

I am wondering whether anyone can relate to this.

I sometimes feel like no one really knows me, people seem to think that i am this fun outgoing laugh a minute person - to keep this act up i tend to drink quite heavily and also have experimented with drugs. I also flirt a lot and although i have a partner often feel the need for other attention, although when i am on my own or get home i feel scared about what i have done like it was someone else and that no one really knows what i am like and that i hate myself sometimes, I have also found my self punching myself to the point where i bruise or trying to make myself fall down the stairs, not becuase i want to be dead but i want to teach myself a lesson for being that way. I feel sometimes that my whole life is a lie and that i can not be me even though i dont really know who i am.

Does this make sense to anyone..?

[shoe]

littlebobo, I have felt the same way.. at least as far as noone really knowing me. I think we all put on some type of masks, or 'fronts', for different people depending on the situation or type of attention we want.

I do hope you stop beating yourself up, thats not a healthy way to deal :( It sounds like you have low self esteem, which I can also relate to. I have found myself seeking for other's approval or attention throughout my life as well, and have 'beaten' myself up too, although in my thoughts rather than with my fists.

I hope you talk to a therapist about all of this, they can help you to see what is lurking underneath the surface, sometimes you need that extra outside source to help you reveal whats going on inside.

[Littlebobo]

Hi Shoe, Thanks for the reassurance it is nice to know that there are other people out there like me ..not so sure about going to see anyone..I have only recently been to the doctor and discovered that i have anxiety..It just seems that everything makes sense now the way i feel at time is all down to this!...

Thanks so much i hope that things will get better for you too !

[leftie15]

i think i know how u feel sumtimes i feel lost in myself like theres someone else controlling me freaky huh i beat myself up all the time mentally like asking myself should i have said that why did i do that always second guessing myself my self esteem sucks in some situations u sound like you've worn that mask for so long your afraid to take it off i'm in the sameboat i too have also dipped into drugs to get by they help for awhile til u realize thats not where u wanna be in life i'd say defentily go see someone i just started it helps defently think about it just keep fighting the good fight