LostInStallis
12-15-2008, 03:50 PM
Hi everyone. I am new here and I really appreciate having the opportunity to get some input from others as I'm extremely frustrated with myself and need some help. My story is a little lengthy so please bear with me.
About 7 years ago, I broke things off with a girlfriend of more than 5 years. Shortly after our relationship ended, I engaged in a sexual relationship with another woman who lied to me about being pregnant with a child belonging to me. This was an extremely traumatizing situation for me (as you can probably imagine) but I had no idea the toll it would take on my mind and body for the years to come.
Ever since that incident, I have had extreme problems with obsessive thoughts, anxiety, and depression. I have been on countless medications (currently on Lemactil) and was recently placed in a partial inpatient day treatment program for depression and anxiety for 9 days.
About 8 weeks ago I had a sexual encounter with another woman. I tend to act out sexually as a means of coping with my anxiety... almost an OCD sort of symptom. While I did not practice safe sex (i.e. condom), the woman was using an IUD and I did not ejaculate during the act (albeit not a safe method of birth control). Since this act has taken place, I absolutely lost my mind. Constantly texting her to make sure "things are ok", experiencing deep depression, constant worry and anxiety on its highest level ever, just constantly cycling these thoughts in my mind about her being pregnant. Sometimes I see how irrational these thoughts are, but most of the time it's constant negativity and catastrophization. It got to the point that this woman no longer wanted contact with me (about 4 or 5 weeks ago) and basically called me a stalker because of my constant need for reassurance. I was placed (as I mentioned above) in a partial inpatient treatment program for depression/anxiety and it did help, but I am still freaking out about this and have no way to know whether or not my fears have been affirmed. It has been almost 8 weeks now and I have to go back to work in two days and I still am almost frozen and can't function out of fear and anxiety. I can't really talk to many people about this so I am hoping someone here can help, even in a small way. I already understand that "there's no such thing as safe sex" and "if i didn't want to get her pregnant, I shouldn't have had sex with her." Please - those answers are not helpful to me. Thanks for listening.
About 7 years ago, I broke things off with a girlfriend of more than 5 years. Shortly after our relationship ended, I engaged in a sexual relationship with another woman who lied to me about being pregnant with a child belonging to me. This was an extremely traumatizing situation for me (as you can probably imagine) but I had no idea the toll it would take on my mind and body for the years to come.
Ever since that incident, I have had extreme problems with obsessive thoughts, anxiety, and depression. I have been on countless medications (currently on Lemactil) and was recently placed in a partial inpatient day treatment program for depression and anxiety for 9 days.
About 8 weeks ago I had a sexual encounter with another woman. I tend to act out sexually as a means of coping with my anxiety... almost an OCD sort of symptom. While I did not practice safe sex (i.e. condom), the woman was using an IUD and I did not ejaculate during the act (albeit not a safe method of birth control). Since this act has taken place, I absolutely lost my mind. Constantly texting her to make sure "things are ok", experiencing deep depression, constant worry and anxiety on its highest level ever, just constantly cycling these thoughts in my mind about her being pregnant. Sometimes I see how irrational these thoughts are, but most of the time it's constant negativity and catastrophization. It got to the point that this woman no longer wanted contact with me (about 4 or 5 weeks ago) and basically called me a stalker because of my constant need for reassurance. I was placed (as I mentioned above) in a partial inpatient treatment program for depression/anxiety and it did help, but I am still freaking out about this and have no way to know whether or not my fears have been affirmed. It has been almost 8 weeks now and I have to go back to work in two days and I still am almost frozen and can't function out of fear and anxiety. I can't really talk to many people about this so I am hoping someone here can help, even in a small way. I already understand that "there's no such thing as safe sex" and "if i didn't want to get her pregnant, I shouldn't have had sex with her." Please - those answers are not helpful to me. Thanks for listening.